I'll to sum it up. Basically me and my ex were dating nearly two years. Our first break up was due to mainly me being insecure letting my self go and us being almost in a routine where all we did in the end was stay her house instead of building a and sustaining a connection by dating. Anyway we got back together i improved on my self i felt we fell back in love. Sex was back and better. Eventually we fell back into the routine again i got insecure etc. Then we got back together after some drama and jelousy. This time we dated and started staying at my house a lot. It was great until we fell back into the routine. She had started a new job at a school and me going to universitysoon. Now that we have money we planned trips to Amsterdam & she even said Christmas & Halloween was going to be good this year. So she broke up with me again. She basically said she never felt like how she did when we first got together. She said she thinks there's nothing to save almost. i was shocked. A day went by i crumbled i told her i missed her and said was all this fake she said obviously not. The next day I went to london with my friend who was moving into uni. At the night i told my ex that i needed to be honest with her. I was planning to tell her i spoke to a girl no flirting but just i felt guilty cause i still love and care about her. She replied instantly asking what i needed to be honest about. I ignored it and she kept phoning and texting with one text saying if you slept with another girl im done and i will hate you. I left it for a night and half a day and I call. I explain my phone was off and she asked so what happend. I explained and told her everything. She didn't belive it was just that and said i made her so upset for nothing and have ruined the chance of getting back. She said do what you want we're not together but i knew she didn't mean it. Anyway we brought the past up and started arguing and went round in circles. ( I can't fit everything here check in comments)
I didn’t want to just let her go like that, thinking i did something when quite clearly i didn't. So i went round to her house. She let me in. She almost smiled/smerked in a you’re so silly for coming here way and my instinct was to hug and kiss her forehead so i did. We talked she was like why did you come here i explained i can't have let you go away upset thinking i did something when really i was trying to tell you that i still care and still have feelings for you. I told her i wasn't here to
win her back. But i do believe there is something and normally i would walk away but i can't stop fighting for you. She made if clear that at this very moment she was done. She told me that she is upset and that I’m always in the back of her mind but she said i shoudlnt have come here and she feels almost like im forcing her to get back with her by showing up or texting her.