Most Helpful Guy
I understand it’s a rude shock to receive and the good news is that you recognize it now. When there’s pain there’s always an opportunity to learn. So I’m going to suggest a new way of looking at things.
We have all been taught since childhood that we can “control” each other to a point, and that “trust” is something you can dole out, all measured on the basis of careful analysis. Now, you’re obviously a really smart cookie, and you write well, by the way. But your system just doesn’t work, as you can see.
The reason is that it’s based 100% on your ego. It seems to me that the whole notion of controlling someone else is impossible. How can you control someone else’s desires? You can’t…. and you have the proof. Even when you were, in your words “controlling”, she still cheated. So I suggest you give up control, today.
Next, what are her motives? Here is another thing we’ve been taught from early on and which I suggest is messing up our lives big time: if you analyze people’s behavior, you can work out why they did certain things, and you can predice what they will do. This is also just not supported by facts. Your case is one example, but I don’t know anyone who has accurately predicted human behavior with any success.
If it were possible, there wouldn’t be any wars for one thing and crime would be impossible. In the romantic domain, it seems like irrational behavior is the norm and it’s not like good brains such as your own haven’t been applied. It just doesn’t work.
So I suggest that you focus on yourself. You are someone who is full of love. You love this girl and even after what she did, you still love her. I suggest you own up to that and just give it up. You may not be in a relationship with her but you’ll always love her. So just relax into that and start thinking a bout who you’ll meet next, if you can.
A friend of mine recently traveled across the country to see a girl he knew and he thought they would be together. Not only did she reject his advances, she threw him out of her places nd he had to spend two nights at a hostel. He was in tears when he called me…now, two months later, he is dating an absolute sweetie of a total hottie, somebody he knew before but whom he thought was out of his league.
What I’m suggesting is that your so-called failures prepare you for the next, better thing. So just relax, and with time, thank the thankless #$% for breaking your heart…. there’s no other way to get to the real prize. I hope this helps a bit.