Best way to break it to a girl?

I've been with a girl now for over 7 years. Unfortunately, I know its time now to break it off, because she doesn't ever want to start a family and I do. We get along great, and I really do love her, but she's adamant about not having kids someday, and I am adamant about having them. We've known this all along, but never worried about too much because we both knew it would be a long time till we had to deal with the issue. Well, 7 years have gone by and I'm going to be ready to start a family soon. So what's the best way to break it to her?

Updates:
Thanks everyone for their input. I broke it to her yesterday afternoon, and she didn't take it so well. We held each other all night, and this is just really tough. But thanks again.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell her that you still love her as a person but when it comes to what you want your life to be and what you want to come home to, you want a family and a woman who would be happy to give that to you.

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    • OK..that's basically what I was thinking. Damn, I'm nervous.

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    • Thanks a lot!

    • Your very welcome.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • Simple SImonetta wrote something that got me thinking - "Are you prepared to deal with her broken heart?"

    Why doesn't she want children? That's the most important question.

    It's not something to worry about, but you guys have to let each other in and talk about it with each other. Why do you want kids? And why doesn't she? You obviously love her and she loves you. It might be very painful for her. IF you've made the decision that children with someone else are more important than her, then you do need to be prepared to do the decent thing and support her and look after her if this is really painful. I think talking about this with her and figuring out the real reasons she doesn't want a family with you will allow you to know her better and then think about whether this is the person you should/ want to be with.

    It's not just about what you want or what she wants. It's about living a happy life that is relatively toxic free. It's about what you both want, what you both have, what you both can't have and how the both of you are going to reach some kind of compromise with each other. You will both be making a sacrifice here of some sort.

    I really don't think there is anyway out. Sometimes my boyfriend and I have these conversations too.

    But just be careful what you do and really examine in detail why you are both in this situation today and talk to each other about it.

    You don;t need to be nervous. LOve is about giving and taking and we all have to do a bit of both. It will be alright in the end.

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  • Wow, what a tough situation. I would have to think that after seven years this is a conversation she would have been anticipating.

    Is this a subject she has been avoiding or a conversation you both have had many times? And she is absolutely determined not to have children? I have to wonder why you remained a couple for so long when you both knew that your opinions were polar opposites.

    This is going to hurt no matter what, so it's best to keep it short and to the point. I'm sure that she has an idea why - no need for long drawn out explanations.

    Do you think she will change her mind in light of not being with you? Are you prepared to deal with her broken heart?

    I sympathize with both parties in this situation - losing someone to allow yourself the freedom of choice is a hard thing to do. But I think if it is for something as important as starting a family, there is no other way. My heart hurts for the both of you.

    Good luck.

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  • You should just be honest and tell her you care about her but you two have known that this was an issue and it is time for you to go off and find someone who does want a family. It will be hard, even for you, to go through this break-up, and I hope you give yourself some time to grieve this loss before you start dating. Good luck.

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  • I would start by giving her an ultimadem, you need to show her that the kids thing is a deal breaker for you. However, if you truly loved her you probably wouldn't break up over this, just an opinion. But on the other hand if she really does love you she should compromise, that's what love and marrige is; give and take. This way will really make her do the dirty work, she'll accept the fact that she's making the decision for you because she doesn't want what you want. Hope this helped :).

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  • Tell her that you still and always will love her, and she will always have a place in your heart. But you are going down to different paths of life, and you don't want her to feel obligated with the future family you want to have

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  • point out where your interests are headed towards and how far hers are from them :/

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  • not in public, spare her the embarassment

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  • As a woman who is adamant about not having kids, it's best you break up if you have opposite desires in this field. Breaking up sucks, but just tell her you love her and it's not about love, it's about lifestyle and kids are important to you. If she really doesn't want kids, she'll understand because if she won't change her mind, she should understand that you won't change her mind either.

    Good luck!

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  • my ex broke up with me after over 5 years being together, he did it out of blue, completely a surperise. I couldn't cope this change and I was under depressed for a while, seek for help, it hurt me so much, I don't know how to descrip it, but it was like a darkest time in my life, sick, depressed, being rejected, abandant by someone who says he loves me for his life. I felt that love was lie in the last 5 years, and I felt myself useless, not even worth more than a rubbish.

    I felt that I lost a love, a friend, someone who dear to your heart and soul.

    I just want you to know you have to be careful about your action, and the concequence of hurting another human, who cares and loves you.

    If you can save it, save it! Everything can be worked out!

    Think and act carefully.

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    • I am sorry to hear about your experience. Well, I am trying very hard to be as gentle as possible. I'm not just throwing her out onto the street.

What Guys Said 5

  • Why not adopt, have you considered it ? Maybe be part of a foster program ? Those are all options, perhaps after you bring up how you feel about starting a family to her, if she really doesn't want to have children, this might be a possibility; beautiful thing, too, there's so many kids who need parents out there,

    XD

    Good luck

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  • Go to this website, you pay the guy 10 bucs and he breaksup for you link

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  • Just tell her. Don't go months or years with this on your mind, it will only hurt her more. And I agree with clueless. You have to get it to her that you want different things in life, and as much as it pains you, you have to move on and seek it.

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  • Just say exactly what you said here maybe she will have second thoughts about Children

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  • Just get her pregnant =)

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    • What if she only lets you put it in the dirty hole?

    • I don't think they would have been together that long if that was the case...

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