Why can't I stop cyberstalking my ex?

Anonymous
I was in an on again off again relationship for four years. She was a great girl, but every time we'd start talking about more, she'd ask for some kind of time frame. For example, I would tell her I wanted to marry her & she'd say something that I was unreliable because I'd left before (she says with no explanation) & why not discuss it in a year or two after we'd had a chance to build a stable relationship? I don't really know how to get mad, so I ignore her when she does something wrong. This time I ignored her for six weeks and by the time I was ready to talk, she had blocked me everywhere & her friends had too. I think that was kind of harsh. I mean, she was the one that made me mad, she had talked to a friend I worked with about our relationship & it got around my workplace. I started dating a coworker instead of trying to get her to talk to me because if she was going to be so unreasonable, I wasn't going to wait around for her.

But she has a blog. I read it every couple of weeks, which turned into every day. Sometimes two or three times a day. She doesn't talk about me, us, the relationship. It's like I never mattered to her! She talks about career, work life balance, fitness. Her tweets are just nature shots or funny work anecdotes. Well, she found out & basically wrote something about how people who cannot talk about their problems shouldn't lurk in people's lives. Then I couldn't find it. She changed the name. The URL. All of the redirects. It took me a month to find it again! I've only looked at it once this week. Mostly stuff about her birthday.

I've read articles that say it's normal to look up an ex & since she's blocked me on social media, reading her blog is totally normal. But one of my friends found out & accused me of stalking her, being obsessed with her, and that I need to go to therapy & also go tell this girl that I'm still in love with her.

But this is normal, right?
Why can't I stop cyberstalking my ex?
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