Did he have the right to dump me?

So I just got dumped because he said I'm too negative all the time. He said "I'm sick and tired of your negative attitude all the time. I'm so fed up with it. It sucks out my energy, and you're not a very good influence on me as a person."

So this actually hurt me a lot. But then now that I think about it, did he have the right to dump me? If he didn't like my attitude, why couldn't he try to help me improve it? Isn't that what couples are all about? Couples try to overcome hardships together. Is he using this as an excuse to break up with me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sure he had the right to dump you. It's not his job to improve your personality. Being in a relationship isn't about fixing issues with your partner. It's about enhancing each other's existing features and building upon them.

    I was just reading a study earlier today that stated that a person's personality traits can be seen as early as 3 years old and remain consistent throughout adulthood. These inherent traits are very very difficult to change. If you are a naturally negative person since your childhood, there's probably little he could have done to change it.

    I had a girlfriend like that once. Very hot, but always moody and grumpy. Nothing I did would really change her attitude. We never argued or got angry at each other. But her general mood was always... sad or angry. Her grouchiness spread like a plague and I found I would become more emotionally depressed with her over time.

    If it is true that these types of personality traits are set for life, you may be in for a very unhappy life. No matter who you're with, a negative personality who always complains about something, or blames others for problems, is going to make any relationship crash and burn. If you meet a cheerful person, your negative attitude may simply make him get fed up and leave. If you meet an equally negative person, you may be in an argumentative relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He had every right to dump you, even if the reason was stupid. But the sounds of it this has been an ongoing issue, so there's no determining whether or not by his standards he had already tried to help you change.

    But it isn't the job of your partner to fix all of your shit for you. When you're in a good, fulfilling relationship where you both mutually support one another then yes, you'll stick around to help the person through their trials, but if the relationship is shit and one sided, few people will stick around to help you fix your attitude.

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What Guys Said 13

  • well of course he has the right to dump you. everyone has teh right to be or not to be in a relationship

    had he brought up the issue before?

    of course it would be nice if he'd work with you or give you the opportunity to remedy the situation.

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  • Of course he had a right to.
    Maybe he could've helped, maybe he didn't want to, maybe he did try.
    It wasn't just one instance of it, he was "fed up," clearly he'd been enduring it for a while and hoping you'd change.
    He doesn't need an "excuse" to break up with you, he didn't have to say any of that, so maybe you should listen to what he said and have a think about it.

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  • No it could be the truth I don't know how long you were together but if it was early then he could just want something easier for him if it was long maybe he felt he had been trying and it hadn't changed

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  • Of course he had the right to dump you why wouldn't he? Is he not allowed to make decisions? As for helping you that depends on whether or not you wish to be helped, I mean look at your response to him breaking up with you, its self focused and your questioning whether or not he had the "right" to break up with YOU, as if only you get to decide and as if he was not allowed to decide what was best for him. That doesn't sound like some one who wants to work things out it sounds like your blaming him for your behavior. Clearly you do not wish to change and he probably realized that.

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  • Yeah he did. I can't be around people who are constantly negative. Seriously though it drains the energy in the room. You wore him down he had to get out.

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  • I was married to an extremely negative woman for 5 years. I tried really hard to work with her and get her to change it, but she simply couldn't. It feels unbelievably bad to be with someone who is constantly negative, especially if you are a very positive person like I am. Plus negative people are often more angry more often and that takes an even worse toll on your partner as I know very well lol. You two were not invested enough in the relationship for him to want to work it out. I hope if you really are negative you can change it, it will make your life so much better if you do. Good luck!

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  • I think he had a right if he was completely fed up, I guess maybe you will learn something out of this and learn to be positive.

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  • He has the right to do it

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  • maybe

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  • Women don't matter and can be dumped at any point in time

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  • He's right, you're a downer. It's your shity' attitude, why is it his responsibility to make you a tolerable person.

    The fact that he needed him to make stronger justification to dump you says alot'. You're not even going to give us a little here and admit that maybe you can be a bit negative. Just accept the fact that he MAY have a point.

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  • People can dump anyone for any reason. It's their preference.

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  • Don't use your next boyfriend as an emotional tampon next time

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What Girls Said 9

  • He probably has and you just didn't notice. Toxic people tend not to realize how negative they are or how frequently they are being negative. It's off putting. Most often, in my personal situations, even when I try and change the subject or on approach kick off the convo with something unrelated or positive, that person just can't help but drag the mood down and be negative again. So yeah, if it's as bad as he says it is, he's in the right here.

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  • 1) Everyone has the right to dump you
    2) If your constantly complaining you're negative
    3) Negativity really rubs off on people
    4) I wouldn't want to be with a negative person
    5) I think he did the right thing for him.
    6) I think you should work on not complaining constantly. It will better yourself 😊

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  • If I were him I would have done the same thing! Negativity has no place in my life and if my parter were like that it would cause issues for me. My life moto is:

    If your not helping me your hurting me and you have got to GO!

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  • Why would HE be the one to help improve it? Your attitude and how you carry yourself is your responsibility. I suppose he could have sat down and said something like "Hey, you're really exhausting me by being negative all the time. I miss you, and just want you to start being happy. What's wrong?" Yeah, that could have helped, but how do we know you wouldn't freak out on him even if he sat you down to say that?

    Yes, it could have been an excuse just to break up with you if he was finally done with the relationship either because he was tired of you or somebody else interest him. Whatever the case, nobody is obligated to stay with you. They should only stay becuase they truly want to, really love you, and all those good things. But if somebody is not feeling you, you should open the door wider for them to step out. Why would you want to be with somebody that is wasting your time and isn't that into you?

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  • I agree! If someone genuinely cares about you they'll never give up on you.

    It is difficult for some people to be around those who are more inclined to be negative , because it can bring themselves down and they can start to become negative too

    Personally I have a strong character , so other people's negativity doesn't affect me in a bad way. I'd try to encourage them and look to the reasons for their negativity.

    Everyone responds differently though. It seems your boyfriend isn't strong enough to deal with you being negative. Most people have their limits , you've now discovered his

    Being negative isn't healthy for your emotional, physical and mental state , so try to look to the reasons why you're so negative then work on finding good strategies to change into a more postive person... not for anyone else , but for YOU 💗

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  • He's not obligated to stay with you.

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  • Just let it go girl and move on. You werent meant to be. Just move on

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  • I'm going to preface this by saying there's going to be some tough truths here, and some you might not be ready to hear.

    What do you mean by "right"? Anyone has the right to dump anyone. No one is obligated to stay with someone for any reason, even if they are the most amazing person on earth. Now if by "right" you mean did he possibly dump you for the wrong reason? Maybe. It really depends on a lot of different factors.

    Consider, for example, in the 18-24 range, guys are usually still trying to figure themselves out. To expect them to be in the "with you through thick and thin" mentality is often asking way too much of them at that moment. Guys typically have more patience to work with girls after they've become more personally stable (job, car, house, etc.), and even then, they have their limits. It's also not fair to expect another person—friend/boyfriend/family member/stranger, to "fix" characteristics like negativity.

    How long y'all have been together can also be a factor. Has it been a long time? (Like 2-3 years or more?) If so, it's possible he's already really tried, either subtly or explicitly, to help you, and perhaps he thinks he's invested enough time and energy and isn't optimistic the situation will improve.

    If it has been a lot less than that, well, guys are more likely to "run for the hills" for a lot of reasons early on in the relationship. Maybe there were other pet peeves too and "negativity" was just the dealbreaker.

    Of course, there's also commitment-phobes, people who give up too easily, people who don't give others enough of a chance... your guy could fall into one of these categories too; hard to tell from what you've said here though. Sometimes, even, the reason is as simple as "he's just not feeling it." Honestly, these are all things out of your control, so I wouldn't necessarily start looking to yourself for problems.

    Also challenge yourself to think about this in reverse. Are there pet peeves that are dealbreakers for you in relationships?

    Ultimately, relationships ending totally suck, but there's a lot to learn from them. If you are completely honest with yourself and think he has a point, maybe you are too negative, then now would be a great time to work on that or find help in working on it. If, on the other hand, you believe he's totally wrong, then he wasn't for you in the first place and it's time to take time to heal from this and eventually move on at your comfortable pace.

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  • Not really. As it shouldn't be his position to change you...

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