Girlfriend put us on a break, feel broken don't know what to do?

So last weekend my girlfriend of 3 years drops a bomb on me and tells me she can't do this anymore.
she wanted to break up but I refused to let it be done over text after 3 years I talked my way into getting a face to face so i could at least get some kind of closure.
we spoke face to face and i asked her why?
she has been dealing with a lot of things lately as in lost job, family problems and so on.
the reason she gave me was that she can't keep watching what she says around me it's too stressful and she is not happy.

she says i get mad if she mentions an ex or guy friends... and she feels she can't keep doing this.

I defended myself because i feel she is wrong and just because i don't like 1 of her guy friends dose not mean anything the guy is just a pompous jerk.

anyway i have been a total mess just sitting around waiting to hear from her, i never knew I could miss someone so much is such a short time or could hurt so bad.

I am playing by her rules and giving her space and not contacting her but its killing me and the more time that goes on the more I kinda am getting mad that im being put in this position.

i dont know what to do right now

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Give her some space at least, but don't leave it for too long, unless she asked you to leave her alone. Break ups are hard, and you are going through the same thing many people out there are experiencing as well. Maybe, if possible, take her feedback to improve and do some self reading, or counselling which could help. 3 years is a long time. Sometime people get back together after a break up. I would definitely do something productive and would try to focus on something else at the moment. Talk to a friend so someone you can trust - support is great when going through a break up

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hard to fix.

    Putting the relationship on a break isn't the cause of your problem. That's simply the manifestation and result of many months or years of problems that you two never resolved through talking or dialogue. The smoking gun that this is true, is that she decided to break up with you over text... after 3 years.

    In many relationships, women are more likely to bring up problems because they are naturally more vocal/talkative/open. Men on the other hand, have a hugely inflated ego, and "talking" about their problems is perceived as a weakness. Men instead avoid talking about issues, or blow them off as petty and minor issues that aren't worth stressing about when she brings them up. Men associated with these traits are also not very comforting to the woman when issues like work, family problems arise. If you aren't listening to the problems in your relationship, you probably aren't listening to her personal problems either.

    For example, in your answer, nowhere do you mention that you are thinking about what you could have done better, or where you did something wrong. Nor do you mention what you think the resolution may be to solve the underlying relationship problem.

    Your entire perspective of the issue is described in a way that reflects your need to protect your man-ego. That YOU feel like a mess, and that YOU'RE playing by her rules, and that YOU'RE getting mad being put in this position. And that she must be wrong, hence you need to defend your perspective about her exes or guy friends.

    That is essentially the typical douchebag boyfriend. The..."I'm a man. I can't let her have control of the relationship. Any guy who lets a woman take control is a whipped pansy" mentality.

    This is the result of that type of mentality, when your partner is not your equal.

    The bottom line is, she feels like the relationship is at a dead end. Your description does not suggest to me that you have tried looking at the underlying cause of the relationship breakdown. What she is telling you probably isn't the entire truth, and she's sugar coating it for you. But look back and see the warning signs from the last few months. What are your arguments about? Do you ignore each other? Do arguments go back to old problems? Does she keep going out with her friends instead of you? Has she settled into a boring life routine of wake up, work, come home, sleep?

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What Girls Said 5

  • you have to respect her wishes and give her some space. if it's truly just a break she'll reach out to you in a few weeks and probably want to talk about her own personal issues and your guys relationships issues and see if it can be salvaged. but if he contact, harass, or stalk her she will get mad and it will push her further away

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  • Honestly sounds like a stupid reason to me for the breakup. If you love someone you talk it out. So my advice for you is to do things for yourself now. I know its hard because I am in the same situation myself but there is no return for my relationship. Feel free to message me if you need someone to listen. Good luck

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  • People don't just fall out of love suddenly, and the reasons she gave you above do not justify anything.

    What matters now is, is this the girl you still want to be with in the long run?
    If so, then all that matters is you letting her know you support her through to the end. Choosing to let you know through text is not appropriate, and not respecting you as a guy by talking about some other guy isn't admirable either. I've known girls who will talk about guys in front of their boyfriends to get back at them for talking about other girls but it didn't seem like you did any of that.

    Sort out your priorities. If she still loves you, then she'll make an effort to stay with you, no matter how hard or stressful things have become. You love her and it's evident you're doing your best.

    Give her her space but let her know you're there if she needs you. And she really loves you with all her heart, she won't let you suffer any longer.

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  • Just give her the space. I know it's hard but if she really cares about you she'll be back.

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  • Now you just wait

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What Guys Said 9

  • Time to let her go.

    Couple of big issues here.

    1) She texted you that it was over. She has no respect for you. Such a coward move.

    2) She values her male friends over you. I don't get these people who think it's healthy to have close friends of the opposite sex during a serious relationship anyways. There's no logic to it. It should be common sense by both people to distance themselves from their straight friends of the opposite sex once their relationship gets serious. It shouldn't even need to be discussed. Just another reason why relationships fail so much these days.

    Wanting a break from a serious relationship is a joke. People who do this usually want to have sex with other people without the guilt of feeling like they're cheating. It's a cop out.

    However, according to what you wrote, she never mentioned a break, just a break up.

    It's over, regardless.

    Take time to be sad and angry but then pick yourself up and move on. This is not a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.

    Good luck.

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  • Go out with other women. It's over. She has decided she doesn't want you.

    If you give space and leave her alone she MIGHT change her mind, but if you keep pestering her she will definitely not change her mind.

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  • A girlfriend of three years does not push you away when faced with problems like that - she turns to you for support. Something else is wrong here and she doesn't have the decency to tell you.

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  • Ohohoho boy, this has a lot of similarity to my own relationship that just ended. (o_o)

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  • It's over, time to start dealing with it. She doesn't want you, she has told you this but you're not listening.

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  • Well to be honest I've been in the same boat, I think she is questioning if she likes one of her guy friends or even wants her ex back and isn't sure so she wants to be single to find out. The best thing you can do is completely ignore her and go out and have fun, meaning if she calls or text then don't respond till the next morning and say something like " hey sorry I was with friends at wherever you know she would like ". And I'm tellin you when woman know a man isn't suffering over them then they start to Pursue and get you back. Happens every time but if she doesn't care then she won't really respond.

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  • I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I'm just giving her space since she has done it in the past and has come back. I think she is just having a emotional time in her life or even stress and doesn't know anyway to get rid of it, she might feel as she needs to be free to release that stress. You should do the same do things to better yourself. As much as it will drive you crazy I know, don't let it. Girls want someone who's dominant that can survive no matter what and that you don't need them it will drive them crazy. Just act like you are busy at work or having fun with friends post some pics so she can se them.

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  • just for you refusing.. you already lost

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  • It's easier said than done, but you have to let her go. She's done with the relationship. Women will rarely give guys the REAL reason they're ending the relationship, but based on what she said, she was probably turned off by your jealous nature. (Jealousy is not sexy.) In all likelihood, she was giving you warning signs that the relationship was falling apart, but you either didn't see them or didn't want to see them.

    Bottom line, it's over. She's done with you. Move on. The world is full of great women; you don't have to keep chasing after this one.

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