she wanted to break up but I refused to let it be done over text after 3 years I talked my way into getting a face to face so i could at least get some kind of closure.
we spoke face to face and i asked her why?
she has been dealing with a lot of things lately as in lost job, family problems and so on.
the reason she gave me was that she can't keep watching what she says around me it's too stressful and she is not happy.
she says i get mad if she mentions an ex or guy friends... and she feels she can't keep doing this.
I defended myself because i feel she is wrong and just because i don't like 1 of her guy friends dose not mean anything the guy is just a pompous jerk.
anyway i have been a total mess just sitting around waiting to hear from her, i never knew I could miss someone so much is such a short time or could hurt so bad.
I am playing by her rules and giving her space and not contacting her but its killing me and the more time that goes on the more I kinda am getting mad that im being put in this position.
i dont know what to do right now
Most Helpful Girl
Give her some space at least, but don't leave it for too long, unless she asked you to leave her alone. Break ups are hard, and you are going through the same thing many people out there are experiencing as well. Maybe, if possible, take her feedback to improve and do some self reading, or counselling which could help. 3 years is a long time. Sometime people get back together after a break up. I would definitely do something productive and would try to focus on something else at the moment. Talk to a friend so someone you can trust - support is great when going through a break up
Most Helpful Guy
Hard to fix.
Putting the relationship on a break isn't the cause of your problem. That's simply the manifestation and result of many months or years of problems that you two never resolved through talking or dialogue. The smoking gun that this is true, is that she decided to break up with you over text... after 3 years.
In many relationships, women are more likely to bring up problems because they are naturally more vocal/talkative/open. Men on the other hand, have a hugely inflated ego, and "talking" about their problems is perceived as a weakness. Men instead avoid talking about issues, or blow them off as petty and minor issues that aren't worth stressing about when she brings them up. Men associated with these traits are also not very comforting to the woman when issues like work, family problems arise. If you aren't listening to the problems in your relationship, you probably aren't listening to her personal problems either.
For example, in your answer, nowhere do you mention that you are thinking about what you could have done better, or where you did something wrong. Nor do you mention what you think the resolution may be to solve the underlying relationship problem.
Your entire perspective of the issue is described in a way that reflects your need to protect your man-ego. That YOU feel like a mess, and that YOU'RE playing by her rules, and that YOU'RE getting mad being put in this position. And that she must be wrong, hence you need to defend your perspective about her exes or guy friends.
That is essentially the typical douchebag boyfriend. The..."I'm a man. I can't let her have control of the relationship. Any guy who lets a woman take control is a whipped pansy" mentality.
This is the result of that type of mentality, when your partner is not your equal.
The bottom line is, she feels like the relationship is at a dead end. Your description does not suggest to me that you have tried looking at the underlying cause of the relationship breakdown. What she is telling you probably isn't the entire truth, and she's sugar coating it for you. But look back and see the warning signs from the last few months. What are your arguments about? Do you ignore each other? Do arguments go back to old problems? Does she keep going out with her friends instead of you? Has she settled into a boring life routine of wake up, work, come home, sleep?