Having the hardest day of my life?

Its been three days since it ended. We had been dating for a long time. I didn't go to college for her, I turned down Lacrosse scholarships to stay for her. I had cheated and messed up, because she stopped caring about me and I was looking for someone to care, and we were on a "break".I knew I had messed up so I fixed everything I became perfect. She changed when she went to her new school this year in the beginning A LOT. She started being cold and distant and I started hearing things. I let them go because I loved her. She told me her friends couldn't know we were dating it causes to much drama. I said OK and let it go. After months and months of me trying and her acting like nothing mattered, I couldn't take it and ended it. Only to find a day later that since the beginning of the year she had been cheating on me with multiple guys. more then enough and I had known I knew something was going on but I believe in love and I messed up so I let it all go. I believed her, she told me about our future, she made me stay from college for her, she told me that as she had been cheating on me. For 8 months she had been cold and distant and I fought for her just knowing she didn't love me like that anymore but I just wanted to keep trying and she kept telling me she did and she wasn't doing any of this. Then when we broke up she made me believe it was my fault like I did something wrong, when she had been playing me for months. She changed so much I don't know what happened to her. I just have no idea what to do with my self or how to even just go back to normal life... I need help from anyone


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think when you really ponder on the course of your relationship either one have you should have known where it was going.

    The signs were there, you just chose to ignore them in hopes that denial would keep the momentum going. But in the end the inevitable happened and you're left picking up the pieces of your life.

    Yes, you sacrificed a scholarship for her, but dwelling on that will build resentment which can only hinder getting on with your future. We all make mistakes in life - some as small as choosing the wrong meal to as big as letting a scholarship go for love. Learn from it and move on.

    I am not without sympathy for you - I realize that you were determined to move past your indiscretion, being on break doesn't excuse your behavior especially when you describe it as"cheating". It's evident now that it wasn't something she could look past. I know it felt as if you were scrambling to make up for one mistake and I completely fault her for not letting you go if she couldn't handle it. There is no excuse for her indecisiveness and leading you on.

    I think you're struggling with regret more than anything else - have you asked yourself why you stayed since the signs of deterioration were pretty evident?

    Knowing the truth about her should make you feel better not worse - according to you, you didn't do anything wrong. Now that you are not shackled to her anymore, you are free to live your life as you please. It's a good thing that you aren't with her.

    You go back to your normal life gradually. Just like everyone else. The heartache will lessen as each day passes and you can take a very valuable lesson from this. No one is worth your future.

    Sorry that it happened, but it will get better.

    Good luck.

    • I knew that there was something going on that shee was cheating but she was always able to convince me that it was just rumors. All the signs were there she just told me otherwise. I know my mistake wasn't something she could look past, but you have to take into consideration that she had been cheating on me months before anything happened, that she wanted a break, and in the neext couple of days had a new boy friend. So I hooked up with somone,,,, she later convinced me that it was to get me

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What Girls Said 8

  • Did she find out about the cheating? Also being so cold to each other doesn't help either. The more negative you two build up the less positives you guys have. Then from there things just fall apart until there is nothing left. Also the most sweetest people you could ever know can go sour from being hurt. It sounds stupid but it's true, we can all become monsters over a period of time with in a bad relationship...because even if it's just frustrating its secretly eating away at you until there is nothing left.

    She most likely cheated because she didn't want to break up with you, but she didn't like being with you. For there was nothing good going on between you two. Maybe if you actually took a REAL break from each other lets say months...not a few weeks heck maybe not even a month with all the damage you two have created...go for three or more with NO contact. Reset...

    And if you have a chance and you still feel like you could love her then try again, see if she's that woman you loved and want to love later on...then from there make your moves. Yet make sure its very slow, and be very caring. If not let it all go. Move on.

  • Its only been 3 days. Its ok to be feeling down. Give it time and you will start to feel better. I'm sorry you gave up scholarships for her, but you can still go back to school. Also, make sure you hang out with your friends, they will make you feel better. Give it time, and you will be happier that she is out of your life.

    • I know I understand, but to have a girl as a Wh$%e whos your girlfriend telling you she's not doing anything and she loves you, like she really messed with me

    • Just remember, not all girls are like that. I'm sorry she put you through that, but you just have to take this as a learning experience.

  • I know how you feel too, having been betrayed by someone I really loved and was with for several years.

    Just keep telling yourself that none of what happened is your fault and that you are better off now that you no longer have that negativity in your life.

    Try not to think of the past opportunities that you gave up, and realize that when you are ready, you will go for what makes you happy and go on with your life.

    Don't be afraid to give yourself time and space to recover. If you feel like sleeping all the time or hiding out for a while, that's ok. But also distracting yourself from the negative thoughts can be really helpful just to get throught the thoughest times at the beginning. Things that helped me were making myself watch funny stuff and working out. Joining an online breakup support group also really helped, just for a place to vent to people who understood and feel less alone.

    Just know that things WILL and DO get better, and keep remindeding yourself of that.

  • It is not your fault. Relationships just don't work sometimes. Best thing to do is have one good solid day of sulking and hating life, then the next day hang out with some friends, do something you haven't done in a while. Maybe try and go to College if you can or get back into Lacrosse if you had quit. You can't let this girl ruin your life. Remember ALL people make mistakes. You did and so did she. I know its hard to just get over someone you love but it is possible. People change, things go wrong, sh*t happens, but life goes on. Completely rid yourself of her and start over, you will find someone better and be a better person for it. You sound like a decent guy and you will find someone who truly loves you and wants what is best for you. Concentrate on yourself, stay busy, surround yourself with those who truly love you and want to support you. Time heals all wounds.

    I wish you the best of luck! :)

  • Awww Hun :( look she did it because she wanted to feel better for you cheating on her. It must of hurt her big time , so she tried doing the same thing to be even and to feel better. Unfortunately wen you do something like that sometimes it can get addicting and she just couldn't stop. I thinkshe should have at least broke up with you sooner! Instead of lying for 8 months. But , wats done is done. You gotta find a girl that won't hurt you or do you wrong with multiple men , and you also gotta remember to never cheat on someone. I hope you feel better Hun , don't blame yourself cause it seems like it wasn't meant to be from the start, and dragged on to long. Plenty of beautiful girls in the world to meet :):):)

    • Hey ok I just want to clear this up, We went on a break BECAUSE SHE GOT ANOTHER BOYFRIEND AND LIED TO ME ABOUT IT..... She was cheating on me months before anything even got close to happening.... it was when she went on a break with me to date another guy just to lie to me about it 2 weeks later. This is not my fault/.... She didn't do it because I cheated on her she did it herself

    • Um .. K.. Sorry.. in that case Don't stress then you obviously see she's a hoe . Just move on .

  • All isn't lost man. Everybody's gotta learn somewhere, and if this didn't wake you up, let me make things a little more clear - your life is your life; Pursue your dreams. A girl who loves you is gonna support that, and she's out there. Believe in love. And love yourself too.

    Start small if you have to. Make a list of the best things you see in yourself and what you'd like to do in terms of bettering yourself/furthering yourself in the world. Then, conquer.

    It's ultimately respectable, to meet a guy who's got his life together, and real love, should you keep on believing in it, does contain a good deal of respect on behalf of both parties. Girls love guys that conquer. Get out there and find someone who's worthy of you!

  • I kno what you feelin but da best thing 2 do iz jus 2 4get bout her nd everything else that happened take a break 4rm datin...wen you ready become friends with sum1 nd take it slowly with her nd if you really do lik her nd she likes you ask her out nd let her kno how much you are happy that you got her in ur lif nd tell her how she makes you feel wen you 2 kiss or touch, hold on, nd stuff lik that but yet at da same time make sure she feels da same but you so that way da same sh*t won't happen again

    • I understand and that's what I did, I completely made her feel special everyone told me how I spoiled her. She told me she had the same feelings I just got manipulated she really had me going for a while. It was easy because before she went to school everything was perfect

  • Whether you messed up or not, true love is FORGIVING, not vengeful! You sound like you were really sincerely sorry and if you never did it again and really made it right, that should have been enough for her. I say cut her out of your life totally... just until the ''wounds'' start to heal. Use this time to do what YOU want to do. You gave so much to try to make her happy and now you can make YOURSELF happy! Get back into the things you love to do and as you move forward with your life everything will fall into place and some girl will pop up out of nowhere and she'll make your ex seem like NOTHIN'!

    • I know I messed up, and I only made it the clearest that I would never do it again, and everyone knows I wouldnt, I felt like I was the worst thing in the world and I would never have done it again its a fact, and she had done things and I forgave her, I loved her I really did I just got played, and honestly I still love her is the worst part. for some stupid reason, but I am cutting her out of my life. True love is forgiving

What Guys Said 1

  • I am not ashamed to admit, I feel your pain; it comes through in your writing.

    This is one hell of a situation and no mistake, and I have a few things I'd like to say.

    First off this is NOT your fault; You stayed and did what you did because of love, how can we fault you for that? And, it's not so much what you did or didn't do, but what she did and didn't do that made the split. You just trusted and loved her, despite her pulling away. She cheated and didn't tell you. It wasn't your fault, and you shouldn't feel bad. If she tried to shift the blame to you, to make it your fault; It's likely she just didn't want to admit to you or to herself that she was wrong or that she was in the wrong.

    Second, you need to release the emotions from this unfortunate encounter, to free yourself and move on in life. You have done nothing wrong, and are thus absolved of guilt, but you may need to think, and let go of some stuff, just let it out somehow. Just come to realize that she is behind you, she no longer has any power over you, and you can move on. You don't need to forget about the whole thing, just stop dwelling on it, learn what small things you can (and don't say 'yeah, I've learned not to trust girls' because that doesn't really help does it? And not ALL of them are like this) and put it behind you. But, as I said, you may need to release some emotions that tie you to this time and the experiences before you feel ready to move on.

    And thirdly, I'd like to help some more. Add me and feel free to chat whenever; I may not always have hours but I'll give what help I can.

    *Bro hug*

    • But he cheated first. Which doesn't excuse her behavior - just pointing that out.

    • No I didn't actually.... and we weren't dating when it did happen she needed a break.... she had been cheating 4 months ahead of time with more then one partner.....

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