Having the hardest day of my life?

Its been three days since it ended. We had been dating for a long time. I didn't go to college for her, I turned down Lacrosse scholarships to stay for her. I had cheated and messed up, because she stopped caring about me and I was looking for someone to care, and we were on a "break".I knew I had messed up so I fixed everything I became perfect. She changed when she went to her new school this year in the beginning A LOT. She started being cold and distant and I started hearing things. I let them go because I loved her. She told me her friends couldn't know we were dating it causes to much drama. I said OK and let it go. After months and months of me trying and her acting like nothing mattered, I couldn't take it and ended it. Only to find a day later that since the beginning of the year she had been cheating on me with multiple guys. more then enough and I had known I knew something was going on but I believe in love and I messed up so I let it all go. I believed her, she told me about our future, she made me stay from college for her, she told me that as she had been cheating on me. For 8 months she had been cold and distant and I fought for her just knowing she didn't love me like that anymore but I just wanted to keep trying and she kept telling me she did and she wasn't doing any of this. Then when we broke up she made me believe it was my fault like I did something wrong, when she had been playing me for months. She changed so much I don't know what happened to her. I just have no idea what to do with my self or how to even just go back to normal life... I need help from anyone
Having the hardest day of my life?
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