Heartless breakup. I'm so confused. in 6 months I went from meeting an amazing girl and truly falling in love, to manipulated and abandoned?

i thought it was real but it was all fake. first 5 months i had thanked God for letting me meet a dreamlike woman. It ended up a pure nightmare.

- technically not exclusive even though we hung out 2-3 times a week and talked every day. I asked her at month 4 and she said im great but not yet bc she's always been in relationship and wants to experience dating. Said she cared about me and wasn't searching, but if a guy asked her out she wouldn't say no. i tried harder, big mistake. I asked again to be my girlfriend mid July and she said end of summer she'd want exclusive. Funny that around the same time exclusive commitment, she dumped me. The day after receiving a kiss pic and good morning as usual, she dumped me cold by phone with no reasons other than its best choice for her logically. said when it ends it ends.

Our last text convo about a week after breakup, she said she was really looking forward to being exclusive. This was the first time she ever talked openly about us being together. 2.5 weeks later NC, now she's blocked my cell and social media. Even deleted all social posts, pics or anything related to us. Even while dating she'd post pics of just her at the places we went, saying her life is amazing, but never a mention of me in any form.

She emails for my address to send me back the gifts i got her bc she didn't feel right keeping them or feel right giving them away. i told her they were meant only for her. after two more emails of this same convo, she says nothing about sentiment. a few days later she reaches out with half ass apology for hurting my feelings but not for what she said and asking what I've been up to. we talk normal for few days. i then ask her nicely what this is and if she'd like to talk about the day or any conversation id prefer text or call. not mentioning relationship.

she replies angry saying never wanted to start convo or lead me on. i replied asking for respectful closure i guess. 3 weeks and i haven't heard from her since.

She got me excited for weeks in advance about my birthday, turning 30. On my bday night, she sent an old social media pic via text, yet lied she took it that mornng, no gift, bday card, anything. she was 30 mins late to dinner and then fell asleep cold 10 mins into movie after. I said the next day it was kinda rude to sleep and replied that she took time out of her night to be with me even though she was extremely tired and that should say something. no remorse or respect. my fault.

-im recently 30, empath/romantic but still a guy's guy, open and optimist

-shes almost 34, mormon (not strict besides no intimacy further than kissing and no drinking), family of 13, very private, doesn't show emotions


Most Helpful Girl

  • Manipulation is a cruel tactic. People who manipulate are relentless in their pursuit of their own needs and wants, and have no regard for those they hurt. Although it is so painful right now , try to focus on moving on from her.

    It can take a while to see someone's true character. She seems to have a very capricious personality. People like that are unpredictable , and you never know where you stand with them.

    It's very painful when you think you mean something to the one person who means so much to you , but she will probably treat all guys the same. People who fake their feelings prove by their actions that they aren't sincere. She is only worthy of your silence. I would cut all contact with her

    You asked her for closure , and she didn't respond... sometimes a persons lack of response is clearer than their spoken words. Their silence tells you all you need to know

    • thank you. i agree, just hurts now being erased in days when i thought it was real. when we first met i was at the best I've ever been in my life personally, now im more depressed than ever

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    • She is obviously self- centred and selfish. If you were in a long-term relationship with her you wouldn't always feel the way you did at the beginning. Happy etc... She'd drag you down emotionally, and you'd end up feeling more depressed than you already do.

      It's best to have you're heart broken once by her, than repeatedly everyday if you were with her

      In life, you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. Which is mutual love and respect. You'd never know for sure where you stood with her. .

      Although it's painful now, you'll eventually be thankful that you aren't still with a girl you almost settled for.

    • Thank you for the MHO

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • She's using you. Probably lonely but never really been interested in a relationship with you so leading you on so you don't go away. Move on or else she will continue her behaviour

    • Yep, could not agree with you more.

      This is textbook string-along and inexperienced guys sadly fall for it time and time again.

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    • @10dsw never knew about hpd, but she fits every category. its basically female narcissism

    • Basically and it is very scary. These girls flip like a dime. From complete love one day to disdain the next.

What Guys Said 2

  • I know it’s very hard to go through what you’re going through. But there is a cure. It’s really got to do with your attitude. Start to take a look at the words you use and consider changing them.

    But first, I want to suggest a big flaw in our upbringing and the way we are taught to interact with each other. We really are taught some version of a big fallacy: there has to be a reason for your behavior, including breakups. The other person is owed…. something, an apology, closure, an explanation.

    But really, what can she say other than: “sorry, the feeling’s gone and so am I. Thanks for the good times”. And she could say this with affection because it’s true. You guys DID have a lot of good times together. You, and maybe she, thought at one point it was going to be much more. Doesn’t mean it was all fake. It just means you didn’t get what you wanted.

    Try changing your words from “she dumped me cold” to “she broke up with me and thankfully she was quite clear about it, all things considered”. Try, instead of saying “no birthday card, no call” etc, to say “I’m kind of glad she didn’t call on my birthday. It would just have rekindled hopes of getting back with her.

    Finally, at one moment, when she wanted a bit more freedom, you pushed her. You say this was a “big mistake”. Well, it wasn’t because you now know this doesn’t work: you can never push anybody to anything. Just enjoy watching what they do. Express your feelings and then see what they say! It may be more satisfying for you in the long run.

    Give up and let her go. And try giving up being a victim of her “heartless” treatment. She really did you a favor by showing you the door once she was done. And now, you wouldn’t want her back anyway. You want somebody that WANTS you. She doesn’t, at least not right now. Just let it go. Too many stories to mention about the next much better thing being right around the corner. And so for you too brother. Just relax and start thinking about what you want from the next one 

    • that's the thing, she wasn't clear at all. one minute loving and caring, next cold and mean. then never giving reason fir leaving at same time peomised exclusive? she never once said the feeking is gone or other guy. there's a lot of other stuff she did that i couldnt write bc of length, but its hard to explain going from potential wife to me never existing and not knkwing why in seconds. thats pain and shock like no other man. i appreciate your words, but she was the exact opposite of clear and forthright.

    • and we were still together on the birthday night

    • I know this kind of yo-yo’ing drives you up the wall. However, the truth still holds: she doesn’t owe you anything. It’s not her job to make you happy even though we are brought up to believe we “make each other happy”. It’s an illusion. You were happy in the beginning because she inspired YOU to be happy in YOUR skin.

      Now, you feel suddenly bad because she’s withdrawn her warm gaze. Now is your test: can you maintain an even keel under this kind of rattling? Excellent practice! She is here to make HER happy, you are here to make YOU happy, so get happy. Do anything you can. Go for a long walk in nature swim in the ocean, go bowling, take a cruise with your buddies etc.

      I know it seems unfair now but this practice will serve you greatly in your next relationship (s). Even the “perfect” woman will have a bad day, or two, or ten…and you will be centered and unfazeable, ready for the return of the good times.

      Hope this helps.

  • Walk away from her with your head up high. Find some other girl and don't talk to this girl. Once she sees you're with someone else and you're no longer hanging with her and she has no one to chill with. She'll realize that it's her loss and not yours. Carry on

    • thanks for your reply. i hope you're right but im pretty sure in her mind right now i never existed and she's living life her way. no sadness about us.

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