Am I a dick for thinking about ending it?

First, I need to say I love this woman, deeply. I have always felt we would one day be together. Through the years we just never could manage to be on the same page. She would always come back to me though. The last time I walked away, I was gone a year before she reached out and asked if I was interested in giving it one last shot.

She promised me things would be different this time. Her career was on a good trajectory, she had no worry about me being a "rebound", as she had been single for some time. Now she was in a place where the career was going well, but private life was suffering due to work. She seemed to be level headed. I spent a week or so mulling it over and when I accepted, she had very clear things she wanted to set to make it work this time.

She asked me to be exclusive. That we had to focus on communication, as we both tend to overthink things, and we needed to spend quality time together that was not just nights here and there. Fewer dates, more long weekend trips where we could get to know each other deeper.

It was going well to start. Had some of the best times of my life. But then her career has taken a bad turn. It is a family business, so the problem is two fold. Job and family relationship is about to implode.

Meanwhile she is abroad for the past month working at that branch (she does about 4 months a year there). She is certain everything will be over once she returns in a few weeks. She no longer talks about "us", every phone conversation we have now is about this drama. No plans for seeing me when she gets back. Sometimes it feels like she is only calling me to keep me from disappearing. I mentioned the idea of putting a hold on all of it until this blows over and she kind of freaked out. Needless to say I retracted that and she was better.

I feel so selfish right now. I would fight if I felt it had a chance of surviving.. but I can't tell. I can't see it clearly.
  • Stay, give it some more time
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Thank you for that! The family and job combo is it, but that is basically her world. She always put them and the job first. She is still communicating. I would say not quite as much, but in reality is is just about the same. Just not as long as wifi terrible where she is, so it has to be direct cell calls (expensive). I guess I will see how it goes over the next month or so. If things fall apart with the fam/job when she returns, it may get more difficult, or she will lean on me more..


Most Helpful Girl

  • The stress of family and careers is heavy, the fact that that her family and her career are tied together has to be incredibly stressful. If this is the biggest issue and she's still communicating with you I don't think you should walk away. it's likely she isn't making plans to see you because it's not close to her arrival home. Perhaps she isn't mentioning you two as us because her mind is so overwhelmed right now that she can't think of anything other than this work/family issue. She's leaning on you emotionally right now because you and her feelings for you are steady for her. With everything going to hell with the job, you are the one part of her life she can count on to be the same.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Stay and give it some more time. She has business issues at hand and as much as you may feel like you're being neglected you're not. She obviously cares about you and is comfortable enough to share these issues with you.

    I'm sure all she would like you to do is just to listen to her (support her here and there) just be there for her emotionally. Don't say anything along the lines of wanting a break (she wouldn't want that).

    When things turn over for her and the family business she'd give you more attention. I'm sure of it.

  • You also deserve to be happy


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