Wife wants to sleepover at her guy friends house is it okay?

My wife (been married for 2 years) never had any problems before, wanted to sleep over at her guy friends house and I was uncomfortable about the idea, I don't know who this dude is and like I said it made me uneasy, so she got pissed off and said I didn't trust her and was being controlling so I backed off, she told her friends and now I have all of her friends saying I'm being insecure and that she should dump me for being controlling, so I said alright she can go and didn't mention about it making me feel uncomfortable again, she told me she slept in his bed as well but that nothing happened and that she is independent and can make her own decisions, was I in the right to feel uncomfortable about it, I made her an apology card and I also took her out to dinner as well, she is saying that she isn't sure if she can forgive me for this and that she may leave me and file for divorce, did I mess up? I really don't want a divorce because I have so much invested into this relationship, I really love this girl, I bought our current apartment and put it in her name as well as making her car payments, she has a right to keep her money so I never bothered to ask, most of my previous girlfriend didn't like sharing money either and made it very loud and clear that they don't do that, but besides that point all of the furniture etc I bought because I felt it was my responsibility, if she does proceed with divorce can I keep the furniture or any items, since the apartment is in her name as well even though I pay the expenses, do I have any ground?


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  • Dude you were absolutely right to be uncomfortable.

    This is literally disgusting. My hopes for marriage are pretty much dashed. I mean a guy literally is always in the wrong nowadays. There's literally no benefit anymore

    So she's allowed to sleep at some guys house and you're controlling according to all her friends? So what happens if you sleep at a girl's house? You're a cheater according to her friends?

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What Girls Said 9

  • If this is for real.. im going to be honest no married women has sleep overs at male friends houses and doesn't have sex that is 100% the reason she was there dont let her pull the wool over your eyes and sure as hell get a good lawyer to make sure she leaves with nothing.

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    • I reakon her gfs know theyve been fucking for ages and they have her back and are trying to cover up her affair with him.

      Did he kind of one day just start turning up in her daily conversations to you?
      Did she always end up going places where he was? the tell you about how he was there. but when ever you went with her to those same places he never showed?

  • Either this story isn't real or you have had marital problems for the past two years and just haven't noticed until now.

    And the fact all you're talking about is splitting up the family assets when you "supposably" don't even want a divorce, leads me to believe this is just another trolling post about marriage being evil and women being entitled or some crap like that.

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    • It's been building up, she always used to hang out with her guys friends and have sleep overs but when we got together, she promised and said that she would stop having sleepovers, I didn't not pressure her but I did voice being uncomfortable, her hanging out with her guy friends is more than okay with me but slowly her girl friends have pretty much become a third wheel in our relationship putting things in her head, her friends never liked me no matter what I do because her last boyfriend was a jerk, I'm pretty much already in that category, when I first met them, it was obvious on their faces and it made me feel bad because I knew they weren't crazy about me, over the two years her friends and her guy friends have pretty much trashed me calling me every name in the book, she even told me that at one point two of her guy friends liked her as more than a friend so I can see why they are bothered by me, but all this has led to this event of her wanting to sleep over at her guy friends

    • You nailed it Willow. Great comment.

    • House and I am not an asshole like I said I was the one to support her and I paid and showed her love and attention and wasn't controlling by any means she has every right to hang out with guys, but it has all led to this and I even apologized and now she's talking about divorce and I'm worried about having no home, and having no wife, the woman that I have loved but I hope we can work through but I just don't want to be fucked and have this guy friend who likes her try to make a move and that piece of garbage tries to influence my girlfriend to file for divorce, it's crazy but honestly I need help with this situation.

  • That's so weird. It's crossing a relationship boundary. People set their own standards for how people treat them, I'd raise mine and make her behaviour a deal breaker

    I have male friends. I'd never sleep in the same bed as them , that's a boundary I'd never cross

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  • Why are her friends telling her to dump you? Are they aware that you two are married, that's absolutely insane. Say you want to meet the guy and if she denies, maybe she's hiding something and there is something between her and that guy. Also no you didn't mess up, if anything it's her fault. If you had met the guy and trusted him as well, this wouldn't be happening

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  • Wow that's insane. You are definitely not in the wrong and have every right to feel the way you do. I guarantee if the roles were reversed, she would not be okay with you staying at some girls house... in her bed. Hate to say it, but I don't believe her story that nothing happened or she wouldn't be all on the defensive side threatening a divorce because you're a control freak. And her friends are even dumber for taking her side. She shouldn't even feel right sleeping at someone's house like that. Much less in his bed. She's trying to make you out to be the bad guy and her be the victim. I get that you love her and invested a lot into this relationship, but if she can hold that over your head and threaten to leave, then let her. She's going to be expecting you to let this happen on the regular. This is absolutely not okay.

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    • Everybody who has commented has said I am full of shit or being a crybaby, I just want help, I want to be clear and honest, I just don't want to be fucked and lose my wife and have no home, I'm scared because I love this girl with all my heart and I don't know what I would do without her and I don't want her low life friend who likes her to make a move and influence her to divorce me and then I have no home or wife, every other answer is attacking me and honestly I now feel like an even bigger piece of garbage myself, Im not a bad guy I'm not if you knew me I would show that I treat women with respect and while still traditional in the sense of holding doors open for women and paying etc, I split the chores and everything but I just don't know I just don't I'm rambling I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

    • Well first off you don't need to apologize to me. I get it. I've known people to be that way before. I would probably tell her again that you don't agree with what she's doing and then ask her how she would feel if you were to do that with one of your female friends. Chances are she's not going to like it. As for her friend... you're not going to win her over either way. Of course she's going to side with your wife. But if she truly feels you're a control freak for not being okay with it, then I would question the type of woman you're wife. And in that case, I would let her go. Either way... you need to document everything that's going on and be able to show proof incase she takes you to court. You love her and I get that, but there are plenty of great women out there that wouldn't even think twice about doing that. Do she love you the way you love her? It doesn't sound like it. Don't let her walk all over you.

  • Get a good lawyer. No one who is truly invested in a relationship will suggest divorce that easy.

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  • You are entitled to get half of everything. She admitted to sleeping in the guy's bed, which could be evidence of cheating, which if holds true in court could mean you would get 100%. Listen., she sounds no good. I think a divorce might be a good thing. Looks like she has been walking all over you! But if you really love her then maybe you should go for couples counselling. I think any counsellor would tell her that what she did (sleeping at a guys house) was inappropriate and damaging to any relationship. She was in the wrong, not you.

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  • "guy friend" my ass.

    Put the question in reverse. I wouldn't want my husband sleeping over a females house unless she is a relative.

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  • How would she feel if you slept over at a female friends house in her bed? I'll bet she wouldn't like it one bit. That's disrespectful of her. Talk to a lawyer about communal property if you think it's going to end. I hope it all works out for you.

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    • What he needs to do is have an affair and rub her nose in it. I would.

What Guys Said 18

  • So much fail...
    Dude, Married people are not independent.

    Married people's friends do not say "Dump him" they say "Divorce him". She clearly doesn't (and neither do her friends) think of your relationship as a marriage.

    You sound like a white cuck who's wife has a black lover, to be honest.

    Stop moaning on a website and RUN (don't walk) RUN to a fucking divorce lawyer, fast.

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  • Excessive jealousy is never good, but in this case, she is the one in the wrong. It isn't a matter of trust, it is a matter of her sharing very little information with you, and doing whatever she wants with zero consideration for your feelings, and being unwilling to compromise.

    It was also highly disrespectful for her to involve her friends and hire them to back you into a corner.

    It would've been one thing to merely disagree with you and do what she wanted, but to be so pissed off that she is threatening a divorce is something entirely different.

    This is simply not love. People in love don't maliciously threaten eachother about anything - let alone divorce. That just doesn't happen. Also, if she cared about you in the slightest, she would've offered at least some reassurance by telling you more about the situation.

    This is not something a normal couple would break up over. She was looking for a reason to divorce you because she doesn't love you anymore. Divorce her ungrateful ass before she takes everything you have.

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  • who is this guy that you don't know taht she would sleep over his place?
    why'd she sleep in his bed?

    i'm not against male/female friendships. i am a proponent of them but this situation just reeks of no-goodedness (not a word i know). you expressed that you were uncomfortable with the situation, and with good reason, so i think she could've done something to make you comfortable like help you get to know this guy. not sleep in his bed.

    to me something fishy is going on

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  • This is clearly trolling.

    No man in his right man would allow his wife to sleepover at her male friend's house and for that matter no woman no matter how shameless, unfaithful, and stupid would actually expect for her husband to be okay with her doing so.

    Furthermore I refuse to believe that all of her female friends would actually shame you for being opposed to this, and call you insecure. Especially given that most women freak out if a man merely likes another woman's photo on social networking. Her friends are either just as stupid as she is, or they do not exist.

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    • I'm not controlling okay I try not to be like that I was raised to not be controlling to women and I have girl friends that let guys sleep over who are Married etc.

    • Her friends aren't stupid either they are just worried about her because her last boyfriend was a major jerk and controlling

    • I don't know dude... I sort of believe this story. I have seen worse and let's be honest... most guys are really really stupid when it comes to women. They think it's all peaches and roses

      Hopefully it's a troll

  • she is married to you and that means she is supposed to be loyal.
    so why would she go off and do something that is so questionable?
    its only common sense that something like that would be suspicious.
    and then she blames you for being controlling?
    wake up and smell the roses bro

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  • No no no, fuck that shit. Dude you did nothing wrong that bitch is being manipulative and abusive towards you. No married man would be 100% cool with his wife spending the night at some man's place "especially if he doesn't know him". Furthermore, she slept in the same bed with him? Nah, man not cool and I seriously doubt "nothing happened". Her aggressive attitude about it only puts a spotlight on her guilt. Find out who this guy is and have a chat with him. If you think anything shady is going on with him, beat his ass and file for divorce. But find out all the facts before you start making final decisions.

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  • Sleep overs? At that age? Funny...

    Most likely cheating man.

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  • She crosses a line dude!!! What a bitch she is!! She disrespectful and threatening.
    I say that you divorce her or let her divorce you!!! No good women would act so aggressive and jumpy. I think she might even be cheating on you and making you feel guilty about expressing your discomfort about her actions...
    I think you should dump her instead if she ever acts like that again or makes another threat of divorcing you!

    I would divorce her myself if she was my wife...
    But again my country and culture is very different... no girl in my country would disrespect her husband like that

    This actually proves that white girls are thrash... well not all but at least most of them are..!
    I also read your other replies on here... She looks like a girl who you should have never ever married ever!!
    She is very disrespectful to you...

    may i ask what's her age and your age and when did you get married?

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    • Get a good lawyer and divorce her... don't even tell her that you are going to divorce her... just throw her out of your life!!

  • This is as red a flag as that of the PRC.

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  • No it isn't.

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  • Your wife is outside of her fucking mind

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    • If she files for divorce do I have any right to anything or am I f💩cked since I put the apartment in her name and am paying off her car as well as buying all the furniture with my money while we are together?

    • Show All
    • What do you mean

    • No, I don't know. You should be whipping stitches in her head, like you serious right now? She said she's independent and can make her own decisions, no she can't she's married, if you can't how the fuck can she? Just hide as much of your assets as possible, and hers too.

  • next time on cold case files

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  • Sure if you want to be cucked.

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  • Not it's not ok. If she does, leave her.

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  • She is cheating on you. People don't suggest divorce or anything like that so easily if they truly want to be in the relationship.
    You shouldn't have payed for all of that for her. She is using you for money. Either start separating your finances now and prepare for a divorce, or accept that she is going to be having sex with other guys.

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  • no, that's not cool

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  • I didn't even read past three sentences of your post because you stated it makes you feel uncomfortable and your feelings should take priority. If the situation was flipped around I doubt she would be ok with it

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  • Your wife is a wh*cough*ore*cough.. I'm all for freedom etc, but the line has to be drawn somewhere and it was largely crossed by sleeping in the same bed.

    I'd contact my lawyer, see what can be done about the house, fix the house in silence and bail out of this.

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