My boyfriend and I were together for six years, we're both 21 years old and about a month ago, he broke up with me initially saying it was because he didn't think he was in love anymore. We've been best friends for 8 years as well and I, of course did not take this well. I had no idea this was coming and have never been so in love with him. As time has passed, we have talked a bit and it has been established that it was more because I am not myself lately because of much I hate my job (I am normally a very happy person but I am so unhappy lately I haven't been myself :( ),too dependent and that with time and space, he would be willing to work on it. The problem however is that we were living together so we've had to be in contact almost constantly throughout the month making it hard to give him any space.. Also, during the time we don't talk, he has been sending me random texts to try and spark conversation. This is really confusing me because despite the fact I know it's likely healthy for us in the long run to be away from each other, I miss him like crazy everyday. And since we've been together since early in high school, we have all the same friends and I am finding that very hard to deal with. We had to spend a full day together cleaning our place one last time, it was the first time I've spent any real amount of time with him and although it went well, it was strange for me because it seemed so normal and so much like when we were together. We were just supposed to clean but then he asked if I wanted to go for lunch and we went to his new place where he lives with our friend and gave me a tour... And now, after we had such a great day, he seem reluctant to text me back which wasn't the case before... Sorry if this note is scatterbrained but after six years and being a self professed "co-dependent" person, I am really having a hard time here... I very seriously thought we were going to get married in the near future. Please help.. Tell me what to do... I can't very well try the "make him miss me" approach by not talking to him when we've already been talking for the duration of the month we have been broken up.
Also I should say that even during the time we didn't see each other, I fought myself not to text him and as pathetic and it sounds, I was proud not having texting him for a week, but he us the one who keeps texting me... So the main thing here is that he is saying he needs space nut when I try to give it to him, he doesn't take it :(
any advice would be greatly appreciated guy... I live him, I feel like he is the one for me, and I will do anything to get him back
Most Helpful Guy
You're overanalyzing the whole situation, likely because you are stressed with other things in your life (for example, your employment). Check this out:
You guys originally broke up because you grew too dependent on him, like he was a crutch, as one of the main reasons.
- When you are giving this man you're independent power, you are relying on him, and when that "crutch" slips out from under you- you will tumble down to the ground and possibly hurt yourself. That's what you are doing right now. You need to slowly raise yourself back to your feet (Build emotional stability and independency in yourself) before you jump up again (get back with him). If you don't take time to get your footing, this is only going to repeat a second, third, fourth (etc) time, until eventually it doesn't happen any more.
**Note- It's common sense that when you have lost your emotional dependency, that you will not be yourself. He started dating you, and that's who he loves. Not this new girl. Don't be afraid to go to him for support, but make sure that you aren't allowing things to change who you really are.**
So onto your other concern -- "Space" ;; Truthfully, he will find whatever he needs to survive by himself. You're being very considerate and respectful of him, which is great! But right now, space doesn't mean vanishing from his life; it is merely represented as time for him to evaluate if you change back to your old self. In order to do that, he has to interact with you; he cannot assume you've changed from afar.
- So what I'm saying is that it's OKAY to talk to him; it's OKAY to spend time with him; and it's great to fight for him, but wait until you're ready!
You're young. Right now is a time for you to regain your independency and lead your life path with this other lucky guy into a whole new level.
A brief summary of what I suggest:
- Learn to find the support that your mind/body need from yourself. Be independent
- Keep trusting him enough to include him in your life. Let him know what's happening.
- Keep fighting for him, it's not over. We are all human and we ALL make mistakes.
Good luck, I'm here if you need more questions answered.
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