Would you dump your boyfriend of a year if he yelled at you for the first time during a fight?

My ex-girlfriend (of 11 months) started a fight by being saying a few mean and hurtful things when she wasn't feeling well (she has PMDD). She can be hypercritical and mean sometimes. I got upset, exasperated and yelled for the first time in front of her. I told her I did not want to be her whipping boy and that she sometimes makes me feel like an idiot. I also said a few swears, but not towards her. I was also not physically aggressive towards her. I apologized profusely several times over the course of the next 3 weeks and she could not forgive me or move past it. Eventually we broke up. We had been in love and talked about our future together. I hate myself and never wanted to act that way. I've ruined the best thing in my life.

I accept that she can make that decision for herself of breaking up. It just hurts so bad, and I feel like I took all the blame for a mutual fight because I yelled (which I regret so much). I tried to have healthy communication afterwards to apologize and fix it. She did not care to give me another chance. I wanted to know if other people thought about this situation.


Most Helpful Girl

  • No , I wouldn't leave him, , because people often respond that way when they're upset.

    People often say and do things in the heat of the moment when they feel angry , upset or hurt. They make hasty decisions too , which they later regret.

    As long as they both resolve their issues or at least come to a compromise that's the most important thing. Plus, they should strive to change how they respond to each other when they are upset so they don't fuel the situation and exacerbate each other's anger

    • I tried to fix things. I profusely apologized and talked about how disappointed I am in myself. She does not want to be around someone who yells. It was the first time in my life I yelled at someone I was dating or a girlfriend. I wish she had given me one more chance. I never thought I was ending my relationship.

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    • I handwrote the slightly revised letter it yesterday, left it for her to find today. Thanks for the advice. I am not expecting anything back from it nor requested anything from it. I just had to get it off my chest, hopefully it's ok. I just wanted her to know, one last time. I knew I'd regret what I didn't say, more than what I would say.

    • Good luck. I believe in telling people what's on your mind and how you feel. It's better to regret what you did say, than regret not saying anything at all. I really hope she responds.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Would you dump your boyfriend of a year if he yelled at you for the first time during a fight?
    Yep I'm not having a boyfriend that yells at me. There's plenty of dudes that won't do that.

    " It just hurts so bad,"
    In my opinion it's suited to honestly reevaluate why it hurts so bad. Unless you like being mistreated I'm not seeing why you would cling to this relationship. It's really likely that it hurts so bad because you liked/loved an illusion of her you had. Sort of like the person you thought she was or could be when she wasn't in my opinion being a dick to you.

    • I appreciate your help. I was just hurt by the things that she said and tried standing up for myself. I am very disappointed in myself about it.
      I got tired of being put down, though I don't think she saw it as being put down. She would jump all over me for little things and then generalizing saying things like (to name a few that come to mind): "You always have to be right" "You never believe me" "You're not a good driver" "You're terrible with directions" "Talking to you is like talking to the wall"/"You aren't a good listener" "Your comprehension is low" "When do you ever put me first?" - this one was especially hurtful because I always put her first, paid the vast majority for dinners, trips, activities, planned my schedule around her's, did what she wanted to do, watched the movies and shows she wanted, listened to the music she wanted, respected her decisions, tried to go out of way to do thoughtful things for her.

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    • I genuinely loved her despite some of her issues with abuse from her past, depression, and the PMDD. I wanted to keep moving past all that and for her to love me back. It seemed like we had finally got there. But when her PMDD hit she was not always kind to me. I felt like she took things out on me.

    • I really suggest you look into 'better' love from a partner. You may have loved her despite her issues but I don't it's ever suited to love and stay with a partner despite them abusing you.

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