If you love someone yet they continually let you down and emotionally hurt you what do you do?

Ok, if someone you love deeply used to say thy loved you and such then started taking it back and going on about how they wanted to love someone and stuff like that and then emotionally attacking you how would you react? and how should someone react?

I know the person is broken like me, I'm hoping for a response from someone who either has done or does this to other people or has been treated like this and got the other person over it or at least a little bit better, please give me something I can use


Most Helpful Girl

  • That happened to me a little while ago. except it was a bit different. The one I loved never said he wanted someone else, he said he didn't love me and wanted to keep our relationship a secret from a lot of people because I wasn't 'christian'.

    I got fed up, I was completely emotionally drained and there was another boy who was into me and I was kind of into him. So I broke it off to try something healthier for me, its been great so far. Anyway:

    His eyes were suddenly opened and he decided that he really, truly loved me and wanted me back. I refused him and he was devastated. I still like him a lot and want to keep our friendship so I still see him and I try to encourage him to get over me as often as possible. I also feel guilty, as if I betrayed him somehow. I don't know how much I help, my prescence probably makes things worse actually, but we're both tied to each other for different reasons.

    Best response would be probably be to break things off completely and cleanly, if you still want to see the other person wait at least half a year for things to get back to normal so there are no fresh wounds to tear open accidently. Late response I know, still, felt like answering.

    • Thank you for the answer, and I kind of wish I'd gotten this answer sooner. But, then again I'm kind of glad I didn't she's changed since then, she stopped caring and hurt me greatly, she told me she only liked me, because no one else seemed interested in her... (she said that after one of her friends told her he had a crush on her and became her boyfriend) needless to say I don't even talk to her anymore.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • To be quite honest with you, I wouldn't put up with it and would have to leave the relationship. if a girl is treating you this way I really feel for you as it will undoubtedly be really painful. She sounds confused and perhaps not sure whether to commit (but I may be reading between the lines there).

    Yes you love her, a lot, but you need to look out for yourself. This won't be doing you any favors and it would be best to try and move on.

    Relationships are a two-way street and you need to reflect on whether your needs are being met. There is the danger that this is only a temporary thing as relationships do have their rough patches, in which case it would be best to be tolerant/patient and try to understand what has caused her to behave this way.

    How should someone react you ask.that isn't fixed and it depends on the situation and the person so I can't really answer that one.

    Hope this helps honey.


What Guys Said 3

  • Be patient and let them know they are safe with you, no matter what. This is hard, but it is foundational. If you are accusing someone, they have no reason to trust you, since they have been accused all their lives, by people who said they loved them. God differentiates the person from their actions, affirming the person, even while confronting their actions. This is a good place to start.

    Listening to their story, validating their feelings rather than judging them, will help as well. They are probably used to people telling them to "get over it," etc. which is ridiculous and leads to unbearable burdens in life. Listen, observe, pray and let God show you when to hold, when to be quiet, and when to speak. The accuser will try to get you to speak when it isn't appropriate, so listen to God's prompting, and hold your tongue until you feel compelled, not forced or coerced, to speak. Sometimes the simplest responses are the best. Let them know that no matter what comes out of their mouth, it may shock you, but you will not turn on them.

    I have heard horrendous stories coming from the mouths of people who were wonderful friends. Who you are now is influenced, but not defined by what has happened in your life. Women are often abused in childhood, don't be surprised if they confess something like this. Be compassionate, not abusive or negligent. One way I keep from judging someone's story is to visualize what they are describing. God often fills in some of the details, and I might ask for clarification of some details, but listening earns trust which opens the heart so the pain can come out and the truth that love is a good thing can go in.

    If you want some more on this, email me, or look up Charles Kraft's "Deep Wounds, Deep Healing," Francis MacNutt's "Healing," or David Seamands "Healing of Memories."

  • I would be hurt. It feels like someone tore out your heart and there's some gaping void where it use to be. I think the best thing is to leave them and stay away. I personally completely cut off any ties with that person. I'm not saying its right or wrong, its just how I react.

    But a person who treats you like that doesn't deserve you, especially if you say that they keep doing this.

  • I have sacrificed myself for someone else's well being several times.

    They will eventually resent you or take you for granted. It seldom comes out well for either party.

    People who hurt you aren't your friends and do not love you.

    Walk away.

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