Should I just grit my teeth and move on?

I wasn't entirely certain how I should title this. I guess I am just trying to vent how I am feeling at the moment and see what everyone else has to say. My girlfriend and I broke up (almost 5 years together) back in May. Everything continued like normal. She kept in contact with me like nothing happened. Fast forward a month and she mentions that her date didn't show up. Bear in mind we have been together for nearly 5 years. I don't know if she was being naive in thinking I could be over her that quickly or whether she was being spiteful, or just ignorant in that. A day goes by and I ask her if she was being serious. She says yes and sends me a picture of the guy. As you can guess... i'm upset by this.. then what follows is me telling her how i feel and her ignoring me until she eventually replies asking if I have calmed down. I tell her I love her, she replies 'telling me you love me doesn't make up for a year of not'. I tell her I miss her, she states 'i can't remember the last time you told me that'. I point out i want her and she muses 'i don't think you want me because you want me, but because you don't want anyone else to have me'. You know how a cat plays with a mouse? That's how I would describe her actions towards me. So a few weeks pass of me telling her how I feel about her.. we talk on the phone.. she tries to control the situation by telling me she thinks its better that she remains in my life, but if I want to cut her out that's up to me but I should let her know before that, but she thinks i would regret it. (?) I viewed that as a threat of sorts. Then four days later she messages me to say she can't remember how the conversation went, but she's deleting my contact information, don't email her at work, do'nt contact her siblings. I don't respond. A month later she sends me an angry message, telling me she is glad she didn't give me a chance. I didn't reply to that either. I feel like i'm in limbo a little. I don't understand why she got back in touch.
We actually went on holiday together and the day after... she essentially broadsided by asking me if I thought we had a future together.. I was leaving the next day to go see my family... I was shocked and taken aback by it.
Now I just view it as calculating. To go on holiday with some one... and then do that afterwards... the logical part of my brain can't make any sense of that. It would of been more straight forward to tell me not to come and not go through that charade.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm sorry but this girl sounds pretty crazy and childish. She was wrong to bring up dating another guy, nevermind showing you a picture of them. This is a huge red flag and sign of immaturity. She IS playing cat & mouse with you and this is wrong and disrespectful. She knows you care about her and wants you to "fight" over and show her over and over again that you are her doormat. Don't fall for it. Move on. You deserve a lot better. Not a girl who plays with your feelings and is immature. She has to grow up

    • I did a month of no contact and she wound up messaging me again... (despite telling me she had deleted my contact information) but this time she was angry because of a conversation between two people. One is a friend of hers and one isn't. She was upset because the other party accused her of being possessive of me when she's with some other guy. I guess it needled her.

  • 😕 ouch that's tough.
    I definitely think it's time to move on. It sounds like she's playing games, wanting you to chase her but at the same time not sure she wants to be caught. If you both wanted to be together you'd communicate and make it work but that isn't happening on either side.
    Staying in contact so often will make it so much harder!

    • One of the strangest/ slightly surreal moment was when she messaged me the day after my cousins wedding when we were still in contact (and I had told her how i felt) asking how it had gone. I didn't reply and promptly went to the gym. Four hours later she sends another message this time accusing me of playing games for not responding.

      Almost like applying the relationship standard, yet not being in a relationship.

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    • I guess though, it's time to decide if it's worth giving it another shot - if the reasons you broke up in the first place are still there or if it could be a good, happy and fulfilling relationship if you could get past the games.
      If not - clean break 👍🏻

    • It's that risk though isn't it... I wouldn't even know how to try or attempt that.

      I went to see my sister in hospital after she gave birth to her daughter and I really wanted to share that moment with her, but I also reasoned that I shouldn't. Inevitably I didn't.

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