I feel really really broken and really need advice?

Anonymous
im in college and so is my ex. Last year (academic year- spring semester) i caught him cheating on me and he claimed it wasn't cheating bc he had broken up with me. which isn't true bc we were still acting very much together.

after I found out he painted a very negative picture of me and called me crazy to everyone and started to get very abusive towards me.

the semester ended and summer started, we both were taking summer classes together and started talking, we would hook up a lot and some days he would be so sweet to me and then others he would be the worst person out there.

through this whole thing he kept telling me he never cheated and that he doesn't talk to her anymore. the new academic year started and he completely changed. I saw him with her all the time and when i would confront him he would deny it and started calling me crazy again.

yesterday i hit a very very low point and I was missing him so much so I literally begged him to come back to me. but what I dont get is that after cheating on me and hurting me he still thinks im the bad guy and not him.

and despite being broken up i have done so much for this guy, I have taken care of him, i have cooked and cleaned for him I do so much despite him only making me cry.

I dont understand what I did wrong and why he doesn't love me. Im so so depressed. We dated for 2 years, and he was my first and my only everything.

i guess i just wanna know whats going on in his head from a guys point of view and i wanna know why he doesn't love me.

in the beginning even throughout summer when we would have sex he would tell me he loves me and now even when we did do it he didn't. i feel so broken.
Updates:
+1 y
thank you so much for the advice everyone, but is there still hope of him ever coming back to me?
I feel really really broken and really need advice?
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