I feel really really broken and really need advice?

im in college and so is my ex. Last year (academic year- spring semester) i caught him cheating on me and he claimed it wasn't cheating bc he had broken up with me. which isn't true bc we were still acting very much together.

after I found out he painted a very negative picture of me and called me crazy to everyone and started to get very abusive towards me.

the semester ended and summer started, we both were taking summer classes together and started talking, we would hook up a lot and some days he would be so sweet to me and then others he would be the worst person out there.

through this whole thing he kept telling me he never cheated and that he doesn't talk to her anymore. the new academic year started and he completely changed. I saw him with her all the time and when i would confront him he would deny it and started calling me crazy again.

yesterday i hit a very very low point and I was missing him so much so I literally begged him to come back to me. but what I dont get is that after cheating on me and hurting me he still thinks im the bad guy and not him.

and despite being broken up i have done so much for this guy, I have taken care of him, i have cooked and cleaned for him I do so much despite him only making me cry.

I dont understand what I did wrong and why he doesn't love me. Im so so depressed. We dated for 2 years, and he was my first and my only everything.

i guess i just wanna know whats going on in his head from a guys point of view and i wanna know why he doesn't love me.

in the beginning even throughout summer when we would have sex he would tell me he loves me and now even when we did do it he didn't. i feel so broken.
thank you so much for the advice everyone, but is there still hope of him ever coming back to me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've just about gone through the same exact situation, but my ex girlfriend never physically cheated, but I believe she was emotionally cheating with some guy from her class. I confronted her a couple times about it, but she would accuse me of being paranoid and controlling. I couldn't take it anymore and initiated our 1st break up.

    A couple weeks later, she started unofficially dating this guy (who was a MAJOR downgrade) and she texted me claiming she didn't leave me for him, only that he had asked her out on a date. I told her that I felt like I was cheated on and she flipped out and started going around telling everyone that I accused her of actually cheating. She said that accusing her of cheating (which I never actually did) was the most hurtful thing that any one has ever done to her, more so than her last boyfriend who actually DID cheat on her.

    We eventually started seeing each other again a couple months after the BU. She would tell me she loved me and wanted to make it official again, just not at the moment because she didn't want to rush things. This went on for 2 months and I discovered that she was texting another guy for a few weeks who she had met through one of her clubs. She found out that I knew about this other guy and told me she felt weird and awkward now. She then told me she wanted space because she claimed I was being immature and controlling.

    Almost immediately after, she started seeing this other guy and now they're unofficially dating as well, just like the last guy and me. All of this in just the span of about 4 months. She went around telling people that she dumped me because I was immature and a few other things that were completely ridiculous and untrue. And then just a couple weeks ago, she came to see me because she was upset that I started ignoring her texts. She kept giving me long hugs and blew me a kiss goodbye before going away on break. A couple days later she texted me saying I will always be her best friend.

    Just like you, I'm trying to understand why someone would act this way. I'm seeing a counselor and she pointed out that my ex is most likely being manipulative and trying to string me along so that I'm there as a backup plan. The fact is that these people just suck and are toxic to our well being. Trust has been destroyed and the healthiest thing is to sever all ties. These people don't deserve and can't handle what we have to offer. The right one that deserves our love is out there, but it isn't our exes.


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What Guys Said 2

  • okay so this is what happened

    > you both broke up
    >he still acts lovey dovey with you and vice versa
    >you find out he is hooking up with another girl
    > you call it cheating because he was lovey dovey towards you

    well... technically, he did not cheat, because you were not his girlfriend at the time. but yeah i know what you mean, it's like you were both still in it together even after the fact, yet he used that opportunity to do things with someone else.

  • Just have to hope for something better and stay close to friends and family dont let him brake u more...


What Girls Said 3

  • "acting together" and still dating aren't the same, I learnt this the hard way in a similar situation. You need to make it clear whether you're together or not, if he knows that he was acting like a couple with you but still uses the excuse of we weren't together he's just trying to make himself feel like shitty, so with that also comes with making you the bad guy to help him feel better. At the end of the day remember this, you could be the perfect girlfriend, a 10/10 and if they don't want to stay with you and if they want to cheat on you THEY WILL. Nothing you do can prevent them, we all are in charge of our own actions, so instead of embarrassing yourself further and potentially giving him the change of taking advantage of your vulnerability stay away from him.

  • You can not force someone to love you, the only thing you can do is accept it. You've given your all. You've put your heart into it. He's just unwilling to reciprocate it. And he's being very nasty to you, to boot. Stop wondering what's wrong with you and why he doesn't love you and try to move on from him. It won't be easy because he is your first for everything. But you gotta know that there is something else out there. And eventhough, this person may not be your first, they will treat you with respect.

  • yo, how have you not busted his mouth open yet?

    I hope you'll eventually be ok, and that guys on here give you their perspective. Cheers.


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