Should I go for my ex's birthday lunch?

My boyfriend and I broke up after a 2 year relationship that was amazing because I was leaving for university next year. He kept telling me we have no other choice and he is right. We decided to still be friends
2 weeks after the break up he came to meet me while I was with all of my girlfriends claiming to meet all of us which is BS. He was being so over friendly with them and weirdly normal. But he sort of was pushing me away and acting as if nothing happened.
I called him last week to tell him some news about my university application and in the middle of the conversation he had to make a call to his college coordinator for some work and apologised and said he would call back but never did.

He called 6 days later to invite me for lunch on his bday with 2 of my friends and 2 of his (who I have not met but know of). He apologised then for not calling back with a very lame excuse. Even when he came to meet me he was told me to be free on his birthday and I do want to go but its hard being around him because of how things are. But its his 18th birthday and I definitely dont wanna ditch him. I am probably going to go but, do you think I should go?
  • Yes you should go
    Vote A
  • No you shouldn't
    Vote B
  • Other (please explain)
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Other:
    You said you dont want to go, then dont.
    But if you want to remain friends then going to his bday is part of being his friend (unless a very good reason prevents you).
    The phone call thing seems like he's either got better things to do than talk to you or he finds it too tough to talk to you.
    My guess would be that maintaining a friendship is going to be too tough on both of you and eventually things will fade out. Not going to his bday will speed that up.

    • I have decided that I want to go because, its a special day for him and I want to still be friends even if its hard. I can't help but just feel like getting back together with him but that's, just not possible rn.

    • A peronal story, maybe it will help:
      I was madly in love with an amazing woman. Things didn't work out and she left me. It broke my heart. We tried to stay friends but I couldnt do it. I couldnt be around her and not be with her. Unfortunately we were in all the same small classes so it became a game of avoidance and ignoring each other. She likely thought I now hated her. Every 2-3 months we might text to say hi. For a year, in person, we said maybe 2 sentences to each other.
      A year and a half later, last week, we met and spent 2hrs talking over coffee. Just as friends. It was nice.
      We will never be the same as we once were and there's still some lingering feelings that will never go, but I think 1.5yrs later and we are capable of being friends again.
      What Im saying is, its tough. You want to be with them but can't. The friendship died for a long time, but its coming back.
      Hopefully you can maintain your friendship but if not, all is not lost. Good luck.

    • Thank you for that. Yes I'm sure it's going to be hard for us too.. I can't stand being around him and being treated as a friend after everything we have been through. However I dont wanna stop trying to be friends because, I still want him in my life in whatever way.. It just hurts nevertheless

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