How can I be strong emotionally?

I've been with this guy two years, one year its been mostly long distance, he's my first love, but he doesn't seem to care about me anymore. and there's this girl im very suspicious of he's always liking everything she posts, tagging her in stuff and i feel jealouss.. :/ but his feelings are just not there for me anymore i guess and it hurts, he says he loves me still but mostly because i make him say it sometimes. i kept blocking him these past days and he didn't even care he says do whatever you want.. but i regret it so i go back to talking to him, we've been fighting lately because i recently found out he has an online dating app I've asked him to get rid of it but he said its just for friends and there's only me.. which i dont believe at all... he ignores my texts sometimes but he goes online on okcupid.. i dont know why i can't break up with him for good i am extremely sensitive and not strong enough, he is everything I've ever wanted but most days now im just hurt and i dont know what to do.. i love him too much to leave but i think i have to and i really dont feel like crying anymore... im not a very busy person so ill just be thinking about it all the time.
-you must be thinking im an idiot for not leaving him yet but love blinds you and i forgive him everytime :(
How can I be strong emotionally?
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