How to Break Up with Someone, Be SPECIFIC?

I'm going to go into detail because this particular guy has been challenging to deal with and I feel that ending our relationship will not be incredibly easy.

I (18) began talking to this guy (22) when in July. He just kinda slid into the DMs and I was never looking for a guy but I figured it was worth looking into. Early into the relationship I didn't really want to kiss, I just was shy. Eventually I did. However, later on I pushed myself to do more and I went to 3rd base with him. I soon regretted it and decided I didn't want to really do it anymore. He accepted it but couldn't understand. I wasn't super into this guy. I liked him but I'm a very distant person, which I told him, and I started to distance myself and seemed a lot less interested. He soon started to message my best friend via Facebook. Apparently he didn't want me to know that but he would message her to ask questions about me. At first this seemed nice but a little weird. Then he would contact my cousin the same way.

I like to visit my best friend at college and go out to a couple parties, nothing crazy. I'm not one for hooking up but it really bothers him, but he isn't my boyfriend. He bought me concert tickets for this band I like without telling me so we couldn't refund them. He asked me to be his girlfriend afterwards and I have never had a boyfriend before and I decided I wasn't ready. I continued being distant due to just personal reasons (depression, having a cold, etc) and he took it very personally and would throw all the things I requested him not to do in the first place in my face. He also pesters my sister constantly as well. We are kind of friends with benefits accept I don't really want to do anything sexual anymore. His attitude makes me not want to even be friends. He is very possessive and never believes anything I tell him. He thinks all my male friends are threats. He is not my boyfriend. All my friends and family have decided that he needs to go. How do I go about it? He always starts arguments.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Being distant/cold/ghosting is the worst you can do to a guy. It will only irritate/fester and make him angry. You should have been very blunt and tell him that you only see him as a friend. When he crossed the line you should have called him out on it. If you wanted to separate and jsut not talk/see him you should have told him..."Look I'm not looking for a boyfriend, You obviously want more and that's not possible with me". "If we can't be just friends I think we need to give each other space, go our separate ways".

    • See I don't even want to be friends, because he creeps me out. I'm always paranoid that he's watching me and constantly googling me or something. For a week in the back of my head I thought he had my phone tapped or something. I told him early on that I wasn't the clingy type and I'm very distant but despite that he would push for me to be more affection and also be irritated if I wasn't being touchy. He soon started to pester my friends and family. Now that he is doing that I have no desire to know him at all. I honestly wish to just text him and tell him not to contact my family, friends or I anymore.

    • Yeah you just need to be direct and tell him you that he needs to leave you alone... go your separate was. If he gets pissing then let him hear the reasons... put him in his place. Tell him how he's creeping everyone out... looks like a stalker. That should embarrass him... especially if you are around others... which you should be when you talk to him.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Do it publically.

    Go somewhere that you'll know there will be a lot of people. Mall would be a good place that way you can just bolt if you need to. Or a park that's usually crowded.

    If he's this possessive so soon, be forward and don't say "sorry". It'll need to be made VERY clear you're done and there's no small chance you'll ever be serious with him. *Do not* keep him as a friend.

    Remove him from all social media and have anyone he's contacted do the same. He might get bad and ask "why would she do this to me?" "Is there someone else?". Don't feed into it.

    • I don't drive so I would need someone to pick me up. I don't really want to do it in public. I've already started to let him win when he asked questions like "Is there someone else?" even though there was NO ONE at all, he only believes what he wants. I already plan to cut all ties, he's just too nosey. If I have to I will block him as well and have my friends/family do that same. I have no desire to talk to him at all anymore.

    • If you don't do it publically, he's more likely to cause a scene.

      Have a friend go with you when you break it off; wherever you choose to do it. I'd take a woman or he'll assume you're leaving him for that dude. If you take a guy with you, make sure he's muscular and intimidating so he doesn't try anything.

      There's a difference between "hot" possessive and "crazy" possessive, this guy seems to have crossed it.

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What Guys Said 5

  • i think you have to be very forward and since this guy has been persistent despite your rebukes in the past it may mean you have to give him the cold hard truth

    explain to him that you don't want to be mean but that you have repeatedly made it clear that you aren't ready or really wanting a relationship. explain that you would like him to respect your desires and your space (meaning not contacting your friends or family) and give you the space you requested.

  • I think you should be a little hard on him and just say I'm not into you anymore and I would like for you to leave me be. then if you feel to bad afterwards get your best friend to message him and find a way to tell him that you didn't wanna be rough but you had too. trust me I know it's gonna be hard; I'm struggling to let this abusive girl go and currently I have broken heart syndrome (look it up, it hurts)

  • Just tell him, "I really think we need to separate. It seems like what we are now is not what we were before. Things have changed in a way I really am not cool/comfortable with anymore."

    • Should I emphasize that I don't want him to text me and my family anymore?

    • Yes, definitely make that clear. Say, "And I think it's best we drop communication too, with me and the people in my life." Something along those lines.

  • Call him over the phone and give him the its not you, its me speech

  • Just tell him you aren't "feelin it" anymore. Do so in a public place, but not too public.

    • okay, why do you suggest public? and why the lawnmower?

    • Show All
    • I knew that, not sure why I said lawnmower, just thinking of things that cut grass and oh yeah I guess that makes sense. I really honestly don't want to see him at all. But I honestly feel a tiny bit threatened by him.

    • Yeah. Therefore, public place.
      I just saved your life. Thank me later.

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