She breaks up with me to be independent....then switches the story...cheating or just crazy??

I'm 27 she's girlfriend of 9 plus years (living together 6 months at the time) breaks up with me 3 weeks ago because she's not happy and needs to be independent...even though I never limited her in any way...i never attempted to control her social life or any part of her life for that matter...when we moved in together we definitely had some major growing pains, and I def' shared the sentiment that maybe it wasn't working...but thought that it was still early 6 months so call it quits...she had major communication issues and never expressed herself well during fights...also she seemed to not appreciate the small things that I would do and would make a big deal about the small things that I would do to bother her...very immature behavior...but I figured we loved each other the sex was awesome and very frequent, and I felt like we even made a big stride forward in the relationship after an recent argument and had reached some great friday night she goes out with one of her really slutty friends who is married and is known to cheat on her hubby frequently...she doesn't come home till sat morning and tells me she forgot her keys and stayed at a friends...i didn't even question her not coming home that night and asked her if she needed anything because she kept complaining that she was hungover...not only didn't nag about not coming home I comforted day Sunday she comes to me hysterical crying that she's not happy because she feels like were "roommates" and that she wants to be independent...i moved out and now she's emailed me that she's thinking about me so much...then I hear that she's telling her family that the reason for the break up was because I never gave her the ring...btw she had mentioned to me many times before that she was not ready for marriage or kids anytime soon...which I agreed to also..marriage was NEVER and issue that we discussed further that the fact that we didn't want it now...why would she tell her family and her friends a different story that she told me? I'm thinking because she cheated on me that friday night that she didn't come home and can't confess to she's covering it up with multiple she seems to regret that whole thing and I think she might start chasing me...i know the whole thing isn't healthy and I just wanna get over her...but its so tough...and too soon...just wanna know why she's saying multiple stories? did she cheat? wtf is going on in this crazy chicks head!

I've spoken to her once and still am not pouring my heart out to her, I guess I'm scared she will reject me, I did tell her we should get together. Then I sent her flowers and she texted me thanking me. I moved to a new place, I feel so lost


Most Helpful Girl

  • You say that your girlfriend isn't a great communicator, but it sounds to me like you're doing a pretty bad job at that too!

    Look at it from her perspective for a second. She went out all night, and came back the next morning hung over. She might not have cheated, but what she has done - in a very dramatic fashion - is to test the boundaries of what you feel would be acceptable behaviour in the relationship. And you haven't reacted! Your restraint came from your care for her: but how is she supposed to know that when you didn't communicate it? Most girls who tested their boyfriends like that would would probably jump to the conclusion that you didn't give a damn about whether they cheated or not, and didn't care enough about the relationship to ask questions about it. I suspect that rather than seeing you for the tolerant and loving guy you are, she's thinking that you just don't love her. This would also explain why she's suddenly saying that she feels like you're no more than 'roommates' and talking about the fact that you're not married as a sign of your lack of commitment, even though it's never been an issue previously.

    So instead of there being three stories there, really could be just one: she doesn't think you love her.

    I'm not saying that she definitely didn't cheat - it's definitely a possibility. In fact, I think that if you don't communicate with her much better VERY soon, she probably will cheat. But right now it sounds to me like she could well just be testing you. Yes, it would be better if she talked to you. Yes, it's not a good way of making a point. Yes, she needs to work on her communication skills. BUT blaming her for doing it isn't going to make things any better. Basically, how you respond to this moment will define the future course of your relationship, and calling her stupid for acting this way is not likely to take it in a good direction

    The fact that you say she would make a big deal about small things that you did that bother her is 'immature' suggests to me that you're actually not taking her point of view on board. Just because you don't think something's a big deal doesn't mean that it isn't a HUGE deal to someone else. Try sitting down and listening to her, properly, without judging, without getting angry and without invalidating her point of view by saying she's just fussing over little things. Once you do that, you may be able to start communicating properly, and sort this emotional mess out. Because it sounds to me like you both still care for each other, but you're doing a terrible job of showing that.

    • So I guess giving her the space she's asked for isn't the best thing to do? I need to sort all this out with her? I haven't contacted her at all since the breakup

    • I think you should give her space, but make some time (an hour or two) to talk to her, calmly and rationally, without getting angry or upset. You need to reconnect as a couple by opening up the channels of communication. Explain why you didn't react to her staying out, that you still care for her, and that you'd like to make it work. Ask her what's going on and why she's acting this way. Tell her you love her. Etc. etc.

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What Girls Said 1

  • This sounds a lot like what's happening to my best guy friend right now. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if she was cheating or not, and you will never get a straight answer out of her, and you will obviously just go crazy (as you are now) thinking about it.

    The bottom line is, she is very immature, does not deserve you, and no matter how hard it is, you need to get away from her because she will screw you over in the end.


What Guys Said 2

  • She seems immature and finds it difficult to communicate with you.

    You can not solve her psychological issues. But, she expects you to be like a father figure and treat her like a little girl who is just throwing a tantrum.

    Althogh she said that she can not think of marriage, she actually wants to get married and wants you to ask her and "convince" her.

    This is a silly thing that girls are learning from movies and tv shows. They all want a knight in shining armor.

  • I wonder what's wrong with girls these days, they are all like tumor squirrels ffs



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