Why won't my ex girlfriend collect her things?

I split up with my ex 3 months ago. We were together 3 years and lived together for the last year. Things weren't great towards the end and neither of us were very happy. I started to withdraw and push her away, although she was the one who finally ended it. She was very angry at the time and we didn't speak at all for a month. I did make some effort to reconcile after that because I have learnt and grown and recognise the mistakes I made. But her behaviour was very erratic. After a while I stopped trying and contact has been very minimal in the last month or so.

Anyway... she is doing an Open Unversity course and her books got sent to my address. This was about 2 months ago and I told her about it straight away. She said she would collect them but never did. Then, about 3 weeks ago, she called saying she needed the books. I was very busy that week so I told her it wasn't very convenient. The next day she text me again to say she needed them ASAP. I replied that I was busy every night that week, but then called her to try and sort something out, and she completely lost it. Shouting that I was playing games, that I was lying about being busy, holding her stuff to ransom, all sorts of rubbish. I said I didn't realise it was so urgent, considering they've been here for 2 months already, but told her that she could come and get them the next day before I went out. The next day I heard nothing. Then a few days later she sent a text apologising for how she had spoken to me. I replied saying not to worry. A few days after that I got another message saying she needed them. Again I said she could get them the next day. Again I heard nothing. A week later she called me again but this time I didn't pick up. She didn't leave a message and didn't call again. This was 4 days ago. Why is she calling once a week to say she needs her things but then make no effort to actually get them? Especially when it was apparently so urgent 3 weeks ago? It doesn't make any sense to me at all.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Have you opened them? If not let her know you'll be returning to sender and she'll need to contact them for a refund or replacement. This isn't your problem, you've given her a reasonable time frame and she didn't bother showing up.
    It sounds like some serious games are being played though, was she always that erratic?

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    • Yeah, very much so. It's not ALL her fault... she has some very deep personal issues, but she suppresses things. She's very immature for her age as well. I do still care about her very much, so I don't want to send them back because I know she will definitely need them soon. It just feels like there's something else going on. Like it's not really about the books at all.

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    • She would probably just say she was fine. Like I said, she suppresses things. I talk to her mum sometimes and from what I hear, she's not fine at all. This was her first serious relationship and I'm not sure she knows how to deal with it. I was thinking of just dropping them off at her mum's place over the weekend.

    • Sounds like a good idea, and that her mum will have a bit of an idea about what's going on so she can support her

Most Helpful Guy

  • To me it kinda sounds like she might still want to be with you. She knows if she goes and gets the books that she won't have any type of excuse to come see you. Also have you heard of indifference? She's showing negative emotions meaning she still cares about you in some way. I feel as if you care about her as well considering why else would you have to ask this? Just to know why she won't come get her books? Comeon now. Giving someone time away from you. Aka deleting from social medias etc. Makes things easier in a sense of time heals all wounds.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Most likely she's finding an excuse to contact you. If you don't like it and pissed off at her breaking her promises to collect her stuffs, you can give her a firm text about: if she doesn't collect by when (DD/MM/YY), you will just deliver to her house (or sth, I assume you know her address). If you still can't send those books to her, just block her on social medias. She shouldn't be bothering about your life now. An ex is an ex for a reason.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Not your problem. Send the books back, or put them on eBay or something. If they were really that important, she'd have gotten them by now.

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    • Hi sir, are u still here? Id rrally like your insights bout my question. Visit my profile.. thank you im just bugged bout it rn 😑

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