How do I win her back after this break-up?

So me and my girl friend broke up last month because this guy stole her away from me. I love her and she still has some feelings for me, just at the moment she is confused. I really miss her and I can't throw away the memories we had together. I've told her I would do anything to get her back and she said "If you would do anything to get me back, you would have me by now." That made me think. I need to stop wallowing in self-pity and I need to prove myself that she should be with me. I'm getting her surprise flowers today with a love poem. What other things can I do to help?

Updates:
Okay so the stress has become to much and she's been acting really...unfriendly lately...and she's changed...i need to move on because trying to get her back is not worth trying to change her back. The old her is gone and the new her isn't...right...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • ive been in your ex's place before . its hard ... very hard . make sure you show her how much she really means to you . slide little notes under her door or ask her to come to the park with you or have a picnic . I know it might sound a little cheesie but it sometimes works on us . talk to her about the old times and how much you with things were the same . my old boyfriend won me back by telling some guys that were really bugging me to back off . that just really showed me how much he liked me . but if after a while it doesn't work , it might be smart idea to just let go . for most girls it drives us nuts to see our ex's move on if we still have feelings for them . just make sure you don't seem compleatly pathetic while trying to get her back . stay strong and a true man . (:

    i wish you the best of luck !

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What Girls Said 7

  • Hang on there appears to be some contradiction here. You said she still likes you but some guy stole her away. Then you said to her that you do anything for her, and she said if you do anything, you would have had her back by now. Just that statement she made in itself seems to mean that you haven't been able to do anything for her cos she's not with you.

    Sorry, this isn't a dig at you, but it's more the fact of what she said, and yes you should stop wallowing in self-pity and move on. Why would you need to prove yourself to someone who left you for someone else? If she really loved you, she wouldn't leave you in the first place for another guy. Just because she left you doesn't mean he is better than you or that you need to prove your worth to her. If anyone has lost out, it's her not you.

    Also, having read some of the comments below, I think I would tend to agree with the guys on this one. You also mentioned you wouldn't see her enough when you were together, can you guarantee that you will see her more if you got back together? If it is a long distance relationship, then it is very difficult to get it to work, but I've known people who have made it work (although much older than below 18 years old).

    Maybe because I'm much older, I don't see anything in flowers and poems, sure they are romantic, but you cannot buy love with money. In fact, if you really loved someone, you would want them to be happy, no matter who they are with, even if they are not with you. I let her have some space if I was in your position, as you could end up putting too much pressure on her and drive her away. And absence does make the heart grow fonder. Maybe you not being able to see her for two weeks will allow her time to decide whether she wants to be with you or him. what was not meant to be may never be, but who knows, as no one can tell the future.

    One last point, love is blind and also mis-leading. Sometimes what we think is true may not be reality. Maybe you should ask some of your close friends what they think about the situation? I tend to find when I'm blinded by love, all my friends can see all the things I cannot see and which I chose to ignore. By the time I come to my senses, I can actually see all the things they noticed all along.

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  • move on you will only look for pathedic, she doesn't want you other wise she would be with you. Getting her flowers and writing her a poem won't help. move on and date someone else.

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  • I think if you show her to much than she'll no that she could walk over her you needa remember that people should be with you because they want to not to treat you like sh*t hun you seems so so sweet any girl who doesn't see that is blinde

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  • well it's good that she still likes you too but you need to hurry up cuase she might not feel the same after awhile. so I think you should take her out as friends and talk to her about ur feeling I'm sure if she still likes you she would understand.

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  • if this were me, I would just want to be told how much you care. surprise flowers and a poem are a nice touch too. tell her if she made a difference in your life. maybe you're not the same with out her. go to her house, and talk to her.

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    • I've done most of these things, I still tell her goodnight and I love her and that I always think about her. I tell her she has made me the happiest I've ever been and that I miss her soooo much but she is always just like "i don't know what to say...". I'm trying to pull it all out for her I mean we had so many good memories together. I can't see her for the next 2 weeks because she's busy with plans. And by the way, nice name :P

    • Just keep on spilling your guts out until you can't anymore. she needs to hear everything, even if she doesn't know what to say, just ask if she still loves you. if she doesn't, don't force it. try talking about the good memories for a fun story or something casual. call her within the next two weeks, or maybe text? and thanks :D

    • Def!!! Keep on going! don't stop!! If you stop now she'll think that it was all to get her back and have a gd time lol but you keep going-keep persisting-like you are right now-she'll now it's because you care!!! But yeah like she said-dnt force it! lol But yeah dnt give up on her! keep going at it! Good luck!!! :)

  • I realy don't think she likes you she's just trying to play you I know this because I've been through it its best to move on and show her you can move on too.

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  • if she's confused and she knows how you feel just see how things go. Don't push it will just make everything take twice as long and complicate things. Just be friends hang out talk and see how things go. By doing that it might help her figure out her feelings for you and what she wants to do. if you know what I am trying o say. but that's just my opinion

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What Guys Said 7

  • Hello,

    OK what you need is a reality check, this other man didn't "steal" her from you, she LEFT YOU for HIM.. its that simple, kidding yourself into thinking she still wants you is a waste of time and will only play house of horrors with your head.. SHES GONE, you had her and you lost her, now she's with this other guy and make no mistake she wants him more than you... Ill say that again just to make sure it sinks in

    SHE WANTS HIM MORE THAN YOU...

    So your thinking about sending her flowers and writting a poem to win this princess back (life isn't a disney film my freind).. I'm sorry to tell you this brother but all this will do is make you look weak and she will lose respect for you.. in a BIG BAD WAY.. sending a girl flowers only works if she's INTERESTED IN YOU.. that's to say she's WITH YOU and WANTS YOU, then flowers are romantic, however getting flowers and poems from guys she doesn't like is.. in a word CREEPY..

    She tells you she's confused about which guys she wants.. HAHAHAHAHAAAA, yea right, your alone on a friday night whilst she's out with her new man, grinding on the dance floor, laughing at his jokes, wondering when she'll sleep with him..

    The only reason you feel like you need to do these things is becouse her rejecting you has spun your interest level and ego into overdrive. your quiet simply love drunk.. but don't worry this does pass.. and trust me chasing her WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE, so this is what you need to do RIGHT NOW..

    DELETE HER NUMBER.. don't call her don't text her, she's yesterdays news..

    IF she's CALLS you answer the phone, spend 30 sec catching up, then say this

    "listen I got to go, my dates here and I want to be a good host, Oh can you do me a favour and delete my number, I want to make a good inpression and you calling me isn't helping, hope things with your new man work out.. Bye"

    and that's it.. if she TEXTS you DO NOT REPLY.. just delete them..

    What you need to do my freind is be STRONG, see this as a test of your manhood, are you able to overcome and show her and yourself that you don't need her..

    like I've been saying your NEVER GOING TO GET HER BACK.. and you DONT WANT HER BACK. so don't try to, what you need to do is keep your SELF RESPECT..

    Be strong and good luck

    -Chris

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    • Hello,

      Just an update to your update, she's not "acting unfreindly", she's acting the way she acts to every guy she's not interested in who chases her, its just that this is the first time youve seen it. her other ex's will tell you the same thing becouse she did it with them too..the girl you "knew" is now with the new guy, that side of her is reserved only for guys she likes...like I said, learn from this and move on..

      Good Luck

  • Women are not trophies. They can't be "won over" and they can't bought with surprise flowers and love poems. I'd like to ask you to reconsider your strategy.

    The door swings both ways here. If she loved you, she would be going out with you, not him. It sounds to me like she's an attention seeker and she's just looking for any guy to make her ego better. She shouldn't have to make you jump through all these hoops just to be with her.

    If you've been wallowing in self pity, I'm sorry to hear but you won't 'win' once you get this girl back. Just... try to forget about her for now. Build up your confidence with a new girl that loves you for who you are, not one who only loves you when it's convenient for her while showing no signs that she still cares for you.

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  • You need to back off if you hope of having any chance of getting back with her. She is with that other guy now whether you like it or not, and your affirmations of love actually make you look less attractive in her eyes, because they probably sound like desperation. Just follow the old saying, "If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." You need to give her space and show her that you are moving on with your life, that you exist as an independent person without her. That will make you more attractive to her (and other girls) in the long run.

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    • LOL I'm sry but I think it's kinda funny that all the girls are up there telling him to keep going and not give up on her-and all the guys are saying to back off and give her space lol ....idk? maybe there both right and it just depends on the girl and the situation...i just thought it was funny!!! lol :)

    • Haha yeah, I noticed that. I'm not sure about everybody else, but I am speaking from personal experience here, but you are right that it depends on the particular girl and situation for sure.

    • Yeah I'm confused but I'm probably going to go with the girls because she isn't the attention seeker type, she's like the opposite! Now today I told her how I felt and stuff and she really liked remembering those memories and she even asked if I could talk to her on the phone till she fell asleep, I guess I'm making progress. the reason she broke up with me in the first place was becuase I vouldnt see her enough and the new boyfriend lived really close. thanx for all ur helpp

  • Im older and remember the days of young love. Oh what a great time it was. Now on to your problem. First if a guy stole her from you, were her feelings for you that strong? Is she the kind of girl who just wants the attention from anybody who she can get it from? If you do get her back are you going to have to go through with this again? I think you need to ask these questions to yourself and see what you come up with. Might not be the answer your looking for but maybe it helps.

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  • if someone wants to walk out of you life let em go.you can't fore em to stay but what you can do is watch her come running right back and that my friend is a sight to see.

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  • If she is confused, give her space. Don't crowd her because it may push her away. Just let her be for awhile--giving her time to miss you. If she truly wants you back, she'll come back. Sorry bro.

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  • Hmm, first off you guys broke up because another guy "stole her away from you". If that is true, he didn't really steal her away, because that makes it seem like it happened against her will. Honestly, why the hell would she say "if you would do anything, you'd have me by now"? Unless you were not giving her attention, or neglecting her in the relationship, something like that, it seems to me that she willingly went to this other guy, and left you behind.

    With that in mind, its your feelings right now that are going to screw you over. You may feel like if you surprise her with flowers, or show her a love poem, that she will suddenly rush back to you. But if she really wanted you man, she wouldn't have gone to this other guy. You should drop her like a bad habit, because that is all she really is to you right now, and she is stringing you along with these bs lines. I can tell you from first hand experience, this girl is only saying that to make you feel bad.

    If you really do want her back though, the best advice I can give you, is to ignore her to no end, and put on a happy happy face. Like if she tries to talk to you, just act disinterested, but don't straight up ignore what she says. Hang out with your friends, and best of all hang out with other girls. You probably don't feel like it right now, and can't see yourself doing that, but your gonna have to pull off some good acting if you want her back. That way she is gonna see you with having fun, and hanging out with these other girls, and she is gonna see that you could care less about her and her new bf, then well she is gonna get jealous and wonder why you aren't chasing her, and she'll come running back.

    However if in some case you were neglecting her, and she ran to this other guy, you gotta make your move and just tell her you want her right now.

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