Breaking up with a woman because she has kids. Valid or lame?

I am 26, don't have kids, and don't want any. I always ask a woman if she has kids when I ask her out and if she said she did I moved on. There was this one woman who lied and said she didn't have kids when she did. She told me she lied because many men don't like women who have kids already and she wanted a boyfriend. I didn't fell bad for her and still dumped her. Another woman called me selfish and told me that a lot of women have kids. My response was "So? If my options were to only date women with children I'd rather be alone." She thought it was lame of me to dismiss a woman because of that but I don't think so. Is dumping a woman for that valid or lame?

0|0
2122

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't want to be with a woman who have kids then its a valid reason. Because at the end of the day, its not your kid. And unless you really want to be in their lives and want to be that kids father figure in their life, then its a different story. I don't blame you at all. And those who are calling selfish needs to stop. Because first of all this wouldn't have happened if they waited to have sex in the first place. She shouldn't have lied to you. That is what made it worse. But sadly she should be dealing with her children's father unless he is incarcerated to handle those kids they helped conceived into this world. This is not your problem, and you don't owe them anything.

    0|2
    0|0
    • They can call me selfish it just makes me laugh because I don't care 😂

    • @Asker

      Well you also need to understand that not all women with children out of wedlock is bad. You should at least get to know them first before you judge. Some of those women may have been raped or molested and decided to keep their kid. You can't judge them all without looking at yourself first. So unless your a virgin, you never know. You might had a kid somewhere or do, but they kept that from you, or they don't know. I'm just guessing. But never underestimate women either. Children are not bad. We were all children once. But if the mother is not good to be in a relationship with is what should be determined. Overall I understand your stance. It would be best to wait until the children are older and out the house to start dating again.

    • Yes we were all children once then life's bell rung and it was time to be adults. I'm not a virgin and if a woman had a bad experience with a man my heart goes out to them. But at the same time it isn't my issue and I won't pay for another man's mistake (not talking about the kid).

Most Helpful Guy

  • Very valid reason. Look here is why it's bad deal often to date single mom.

    1. You will never be top priority in her life. Kid will always be #1.

    2. Your dating will be restricted and tailored towards the kid if she is a decent mom.

    3. She might not have enough time for you.

    4. If you do get attached to the kid, i'll be a heart ache when you break up and can't see the kid,

    5. You will never be the father of the kid and she will hold this over you if you try to discipline her kid or become a parent and she doesn't like it.

    6. If you take on role of step dad, you're going to be putting yourself in unnecessary burden. it's like 180k to raise a kid.

    7. The father can very easily come back into the picture at any time and your out on your ass because she wants them to be a family again.

    0|3
    0|0
    • And you nailed all the reasons I don't want to get involved with a single mom.

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 20

  • Very valid reason. After my divorce and I was dating... I had several guidelines that I went by. And there were no exceptions. You will probably have girls on here give you a hard time for not wanting to date a single mother... but that is your preference.

    1|3
    0|0
    • It won't bother me what they think when my mind is made up it doesn't change.

  • I think it's valid. Her kids will always be around, and you don't want children so those circumstances and your needs aren't compatible.
    I wouldn't date a man with children, simply because I don't want to come second every single time. I like going away for a surprise weekend and deciding to go to the beach at 11pm.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Nope - totally fair. The things you want in life don't align, so there's no point pursuing a relationship.

    I made it clear when I was dating that I had no interest in dating a man who had children.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Lame... if you truly love someone, whether they have kids already or not shouldn't matter; you love them eitherway.

    1|0
    2|5
    • Yeah but he didn't say he loved her... and even if he did she lied about a pretty big part of her life... it would become less about the fact she has kids and have more to do with the fact she is a big fat liar face-lol.

    • Show All
    • @Asker

      She's 13. Give her a break.

    • @Sara413 oh ok I apologize

  • Completely valid. You know what you want and you shouldn't settle for less. Besides dating someone with children makes things so much more complicated, and if you don't want children at all then you shouldn't date someone who has them.

    2|1
    0|0
  • You're a slag but you're entitled to your opinion. If kids is a dealbreaker for you then stick to your guns. Even if you're a slag you don't deserve to be lied too. Period. That is not even remotly healthy way to start a relationship. By the way did I mention you're a slag?

    0|0
    1|1
  • That's absolutely a valid reason! You are smart enough to know what you want, and strong enough to be firm about insisting that your partner measures up to those standards.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, she should have been upfront with you about that. That's a big lie to start off a relationship with. What other things could she be keeping from you if she didn't tell you about her kids? She was in the wrong, not you. It seems kind of manipulative. She wanted you to fall in love with her, and she was hoping you'd accept her kids as part of the package since you loved her.

    You have your preferences. You have the right to reject a single mother, especially if she lied to you! No one should ever start a relationship with a lie, especially when it's obvious she was trying to rope you in.

    I don't want kids either, and so I won't date a guy with kids. I'd be pissed off if I were in your situation.

    2|1
    0|0
  • If you think this is going to be an issue you should not pursue a relationship with her. Better to leave before the kids accept you and become attached to you and start calling you "daddy"

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's your personal choice at the end of the day. You don't want children and whoever you end up with has to respect that and feel similarly.

    1|1
    0|0
  • My question was why did you even date them? Are you for real? Like you can do better. There are many women out there WITHOUT kids. Where are you looking for exactly? 😂😂😂

    0|0
    1|1
  • Everyone has preferences. If having children from a previous relationship is a dealbreaker to you, it's not wrong. It's just your preference

    1|0
    0|1
  • It's a hard thing to do, if you are not ready to be a dad or step dad it is the best thing to do

    0|0
    0|0
  • she shouldn't of lied, if you knew about the kids and changed your mind after meeting them you wouldn't be wrong either that's your choice by the way I also have kids and would never lie about mine they come before me. therefore it shows what type of person she is to put her needs before her own flesh and blood than she will definitely not put you highly! what a bitch

    0|0
    0|0
  • Very valid. Good for you. I'm 28 and don't have kids and I feel the same way. I won't date guys who have kids. As for the girl saying a lot of single women have kids... bullshit. There's a lot of women who are single and successful and responsible and have their lives on track who don't have kids. Don't let some bitch convince you to settle for less than your standards. I'm glad you have standards. Stick to them and never EVER settle for less.

    0|1
    0|0
    • No woman can pressure me.. If they try they will get a rude rremark in the process.

  • I think it's legit. Not wanting children is a life choice that's anyone's preference to make.

    1|1
    0|0
  • It's valid, if you wanna date a woman and have a future with her then it's fair that you know, you don't wanna spend years being miserable having to look after a kid who isn't yours, spend money on them, when you don't even like children

    0|0
    0|0
  • Very valid. I don't get these girls who actively seek single Fathers either, and I get there is a milf thing going on right now, but don't get guys who actively seek single mothers too.

    If you like one, you like one, that's it. If you don't want to take on somebody with kids, that's it. It's extremely difficult being a parent and a step parent and not a thing people should be made to feel bad for not wanting now or ever.

    0|2
    0|0
  • No, it's fine. If you can't deal with kids you can't deal with kids. You wouldn't be doing her any favors hanging around... all of my friends who had kids ended up with great guys, I am sure she'll be fine.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Your choice. But at your age they mostly do

    1|1
    0|1
    • At 26?

      Damn.. where do you live?

    • Show All
    • That's crazy lol

      I'm 30 and most of my female friends - married and single - don't have kids. Several don't intend to. Some are on the fence. That's just my social circle tho. I do know that most of the girls I went to high school with have kids. Yay for small towns!

    • @Sara413 really? Think I know about 3 from school now who don't have kids... but then again we're a small town aswell

What Guys Said 21

  • Valid...

    I dated a woman who had a 6 month old son. I was with her for a few years and raised him as my own until he was 3. I was there for his first word, his first step... everything.

    When we split I lost my soul mate and my son. I will never date a single mum ever again. Kids are a deal breaker up there with drugs for me.

    I would rather be single as well.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Completely valid. Don't let other women, or even quite frankly people on the internet, decide who you date. If you don't wanna date someone, you 100% don't have to date them

    0|2
    0|0
  • Valid, she not only lied but agreeing to date someone with kids isn't some thing trick someone into. This chick sounds like she's into other shady shit.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Kids aren't for everybody and you have a right to stand by your own choices. It doesn't make you a "selfish" person.

    Also, shame on that woman who lied to you about not having kids. That's not something anyone should lie about...

    0|0
    0|0
  • its a valid reason. if you date a woman with kids you will sooner or later be expected to be a father to these kids. there is absolutely nothing that can force you to enter someones life and become a father to their kids.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's very valid. Not only did she lie and lose your trust but this is something that affects relationships a lot. It's a whole new level of responsibility.

    1|0
    0|0
  • What about the woman? Single moms have to work harder, yes, they have been hurt, but there is loyalty there that many child less women don't have. You need a woman who is going to work with you... What is SHE like?

    If she lied about having kids, that can be a deal breaker, though. If she will lie about that, what else will she lie about, even after marriage?

    But do not automatically discount a woman because she has kids. She trusted a man and he let her down, or visa versa. It doesn't automatically make her a poor mate.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Like I have said before it's not my problem what happened to her. Is it fair? Nope. But who said life was fair. Yes I will discount a woman who has children because she has something I don't want to deal with.

    • That is fair enough. I hope you find what your heart truly desires.

  • To any woman who has a problem, reply: my body, my choice.

    Fuck em.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Breaking up over kids isn't great.
    Breaking over lying about it... How long did she think she could hide them? :-|

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think breaking up / choosing not to date someone because they have kids is totally valid. I don't want kids of my own, so why would I want to form a relationship with someone who is a parent? Our lifestyles and priorities clash.

  • it is your choice. you aren't obliged to deal with her issues if you dont want to. it was her mistake, not yours.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, she lied to you. Not a good way to start a relationship (deceit).

    0|1
    0|0
  • Valid, but lame that you put yourself in that situation.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, you asked, and she lied about it, so it's a valid reason to break up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Perfectly valid. Lying skank.

    0|1
    0|0
  • valid

    0|2
    0|0
  • It's valid.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Valid

    0|1
    0|0
  • It is valid reason if you ask me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Valid.

    0|0
    0|0
  • lammmmeee
    douche

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    1

Recommended myTakes

Loading...