Why do some guys bail when things get rough?

Im in my late 30s and he's in his mid 40s, weve been together for 2 years. We had a great relationship, did so much together and with our kids (not together ). We were building something great. And with one fight over moving in together he decides we're not meant to be. And the day he broke it off, he was telling me he loved me, how he was excited about the future together. we had plans for the holidays etc. and now 3 weeks have passed and i haven't heard from him. Im beyond devastated. Why do guys do this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He got spooked! Bottom line. He started seeing a past relationship and got worried or something. To some people moving in with someone else is just as big of a deal as marriage. Especially if they have been used to living on their own. If you feel it is worth saving, you can try reaching out for a compromise? Maybe stepping back a little? Not sure, hope it works out. You don't have to live with someone to have a successful relationship, but again, something triggered his feelings. Just remember when guys go ghost, it is usually them, not you! Best of Luck

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    • I make significantly less than him, but i still make enough money to contribute to our household. I think he's worried he'll end up supporting me. But when i tried telling him that he kinda brushes me off.
      I might reach out to him again after Thanksgiving.

    • Thanks for the MHO

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What Guys Said 15

  • he probably just wanted sex.
    He has commitment issues.
    Sorry, he just said sweet words to get the game rewards.

    If he really believed living together would be a problem he's a fucking piece of shit. When you say you love someone that pretty much means you can't be without them without feeling something missing.

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    • It was definitely not about sex. We had a great sex life but it wasn't all based on that. Sex was dessert in our relationship, everything else we had was the 3 course dinner.

    • Really weird for him to just fall off the face of the earth after saying he loved you.

    • I agree. I dont understand what happened. Im giving him time and space. He hasn't been 100% gone, i was able to get my thinfs from his patio on Monday. But other than that he's gone and i dont know what happened in an otherwise good relationship


  • i m sorry?

    80 percent of divorces are initiated by woman. these are facts.

    of these, white women take the first place, to be even more specific, blonde white women initiate divorce the most.

    why do guys? just say why did my partner because you're misinformed bigtime.

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  • I have a feeling there's a lot you're not telling us. SOMETHING obviously made him decide that he didn't want to be with you, and I doubt it was 'one fight over moving in together', unless during that fight you said something that was a complete deal-breaker for him.

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    • Believe it or not that was one of only 2 times in our relationship that we fought. The other fight was over the same thing.

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    • None of it actually makes since and why not at least tell me what went wrong after a seemingly good relationship of 2 yrs? I deserve that.

    • I'm not him obviously so I can't answer that.

      What I *can* say is no one DESERVES an explanation, closure, etc. We think we do, and sometimes the other person might think so too.

      No one wants to communicate any more. Everyone expects everything to be perfect, all the time, but that's unrealistic. And how can someone improve, fix where they're going wrong, if no one tells them?

      At the same time, people can't handle the truth any more. Just take a peek at a few of the "How do I look" questions for proof. The majority will tell an ugly fat girl that she's beautiful. And if you say "No, you're ugly and fat and here's what you can do to change that", other posters (especially white knights) will come out of the woodwork to attack whoever was honest.

      The only real advice I have is move on. You might never have answers, so you just have to press forward.

  • This is only a very barebones explanation as to what happened - there is more at play here than you could be expected to share here. The basic answer is that something during that fight made him realise he couldn't be with you any more. Like a switch being flipped. I can't say what it was but whatever it was irrevocably damaged the relationship.

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  • Because he is not a man. This does not give you a reason to assume that all guys are like that..

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    • Sorry, you're right thats not a fair assumption. It just has been in my experience, and i really thought he was different than the other guys I've dated. And he was... until now. I don't know what went wrong. I've tried and tried to figure it out and it just makes me hurt worse that he can't talk to me about what went wrong.

    • That frustration is just going to keep you locked in and the only advice I can give is to move on.. Not easy but neither is life sometimes..

  • My guess is there was a lot more going on and to the story (for him). Maybe certain things were revealed in your fight that he didn't know about you that were deal breakers for him (if he truly cared)? Either that or he was all talk and didn't really care as much as he said he did (just wanted sex?)? Either way there's a lack of communication for sure. To just leave and not explain himself more is pretty crappy for him to do but some people are like that. It definitely sounds like he's totally done though. I'm sorry. Best to just move on, focus on other things now.

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  • Wow! A 40s man bails when it gets tough? Damn!! And I thought the younger generation was pathetic... I have no idea. I wouldn't bail.

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  • Because he obviously didn't think the relationship was worth fighting over and compromising over.

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  • Because once we realize a woman isn't worth it, nothing can change our mind.

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  • What was the argument over, I'd like to hear both sides to the story if that's fine.

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  • i'm sure this is the complete story...

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  • Who didn't want to move in together?

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    • He didn't... not yet , maybe by next summer so we could by a house. We even talked about that after the fight. He called me several hrs later to break up and no explanation other than we aren't meant to be and hung up.

    • Hmm. It doesn't even make sense to me. If anything, the person that wanted to move in together should have the reason to break up if the other person wasn't serious enough to agree to it. I don't even understand why he would do that when you wanted to move in together.

    • We came to the conclusion that i would just move closer to him. Then talk moving in next year around summer. Thats why i would bail because wed be going somewhere. We talked future.

  • Well moving in together is a big deal. And if you can't come to a consensus on it what else is there that can be done?

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  • Because you are probably not worth it. I don't know if your not pretty enough, or whether it is something else. Quite possibly, there is something wrong with your head. Consequently, he realized, he didn't have to put up with your non-sense and that he could do better.

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    • Wow... you're 100% an asshole.
      He constantly told me i was beautiful, even that day. That man loved (s) me. Why assume its me? Could it be that omg it usually takes 2 people to screw up. a relationship.

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    • @jman46241 maybe she'll go out with you for defending her. Isn't that why most guys act all nice, and allow girls to live in an imaginary world? Because they want a girl to notice them?

    • If you would have read my comment to her, you would see that I has not defending her.. I called you out personally for your failure to reply as a decent human being.

What Girls Said 3

  • Some guys are cowards and afraid of even having a single argument. They don't want anything to go wrong and when it does they're out instead of dealing with it.
    Unless there was another underlying problem we don't know of.

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    • Personally I think he bottled up every little thing I have ever done that annoyed him and he boiled over. 😔

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    • He had told me a few weeks prior that he's not good expressing emotions and all that. I told him he could talk or tell me anything without judgement, especially if it had to do with us. He said we were good. I don't know what to think.

    • Of course he's just gonna say you were good. He doesn't want conflict. Guys often don't listen to the "you can talk to me, I won't judge you" words. I've said it many times but I realised it does nothing. At the end of the day he was just a coward who couldn't deal with his bottled up emotions and instead ran away the moment he could see a plausible exit.

  • You could try contacting him? It could be possible he thinks you don't want to talk...

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    • I've tried to talk and he gives me cold sholder, no response.

    • That's weird then. I have no idea... so he officially broke up since I read your other comment... he meant it then... sorry asker!

    • He dumped me 3 weeks ago not today

  • Emotionally weaker

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