D. I. V. O. R. C. E is making me suicidal, reckless, and on self destruct/Warning long? (topic not for kids)?

Anonymous
Got married for 5yrs then she went cold on me 1 month after we had a child (wow), she really mentally screwed with me for 2yrs until we mutually agreed on a split. When I left I was in BAD SHAPE. I was forced to move 900m away as well.

I'm not sure if I'm not over her or I'm just not over the situation. After the divorce she was playing a lot of hot and cold games and using me to rant her loneliness then suddenly she got a boyfriend and instantly treated me like a disease by hiding everything from me.
I do video chat for my son weekly (he's 5).

It's been 3yrs - I've tried everything.
2yr ago I started to work out hard, stop smoking, eat healthy.
None of this helped. The moment I stop what I am doing I am depressed and lonely.
-Since the divorce, no friends, no dates, developed a real bad social anxiety. I see an appealing woman it's just depressing.
-Last month I said I can't do video chat anymore. It hurts way too much. I'm a deadbeat and I feel guilt for it.
-Every weekend I go downtown looking for violence. I'm always in pain. Hands swollen and cut up, limping from a foot injury, face is hurts. I have vicious road rage, I'm basically on self destruct here and I do it on purpose.
-Every night I hope I won't wake up.
-I consider prostitution but I only want to take them for coffee.
-Women are the answer to everything I do. My clothing, my workout routine, etc is all for someone. I F-ing PLUCK my eyebrows.
I'm spending X-mas ALONE. I have NO friend contacts on my phone either.
-I have suicide all figured out.
I take value that I am loyal, have empathy, am emotional supportive, faithful, and sensitive but then I look around and see that women do not really like that so then I'm upgrading my ride and my body. I'm too sick to be with a woman anyway. If I meet a woman she's just going to see my shaky hands and my sad excuse of a life and walk.

I have A lot of money but it doesn't keep me happy.

Any advice or am I done here?
D. I. V. O. R. C. E is making me suicidal, reckless, and on self destruct/Warning long? (topic not for kids)?
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