D. I. V. O. R. C. E is making me suicidal, reckless, and on self destruct/Warning long? (topic not for kids)?

Got married for 5yrs then she went cold on me 1 month after we had a child (wow), she really mentally screwed with me for 2yrs until we mutually agreed on a split. When I left I was in BAD SHAPE. I was forced to move 900m away as well.

I'm not sure if I'm not over her or I'm just not over the situation. After the divorce she was playing a lot of hot and cold games and using me to rant her loneliness then suddenly she got a boyfriend and instantly treated me like a disease by hiding everything from me.
I do video chat for my son weekly (he's 5).

It's been 3yrs - I've tried everything.
2yr ago I started to work out hard, stop smoking, eat healthy.
None of this helped. The moment I stop what I am doing I am depressed and lonely.
-Since the divorce, no friends, no dates, developed a real bad social anxiety. I see an appealing woman it's just depressing.
-Last month I said I can't do video chat anymore. It hurts way too much. I'm a deadbeat and I feel guilt for it.
-Every weekend I go downtown looking for violence. I'm always in pain. Hands swollen and cut up, limping from a foot injury, face is hurts. I have vicious road rage, I'm basically on self destruct here and I do it on purpose.
-Every night I hope I won't wake up.
-I consider prostitution but I only want to take them for coffee.
-Women are the answer to everything I do. My clothing, my workout routine, etc is all for someone. I F-ing PLUCK my eyebrows.
I'm spending X-mas ALONE. I have NO friend contacts on my phone either.
-I have suicide all figured out.
I take value that I am loyal, have empathy, am emotional supportive, faithful, and sensitive but then I look around and see that women do not really like that so then I'm upgrading my ride and my body. I'm too sick to be with a woman anyway. If I meet a woman she's just going to see my shaky hands and my sad excuse of a life and walk.

I have A lot of money but it doesn't keep me happy.

Any advice or am I done here?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You've been through so much, so I think it's very understandable that you're living this way right now. Almost on self destruct really. It's crazy, but we as people, often something that fucks us up, we go on self destruct and fuck ourselves up more.

    Please though, don't look for a woman right now. Focus on you. Focus on feeling better. Right now, it's way to easy to meet a woman who will take advantage of a kind empathetic man whos going through so much mentally. It's too easy.
    You don't need a woman right now anyway. When you start feeling better within yourself, getting a woman will be much easier too.

    For the loneliness, have you considered joining some class of something you enjoy? Or volunteering somewhere? The volunteering is not only a way to meet new people and have some time to socialise, but also a way to help you feel better sometimes.

    Please, stop fighting! You've got a son who needs you. He doesn't need some dude his mum chose to shack up with, he needs his daddy. Don't let anything happen to yourself.

    You know, with depression, many often forget, that once it runs deep enough, that it can come with physical pain too. So many depressed people have bad back pain, or always have migraines, always feel sick, all different pain really.

    I think it's perfectly normal and understandable that you've been on a downward spiral. You got married. You had a baby. Your ex wife kept you around for her own means til somebody else came along then she just dropped yiu... and much more to add to that list of reasons... but yea, i think it's definitely understandable why you're feeling like this.

    I think now, it's just about trying to dig out of this hole you're in. And there is a way out. And trying to build a stronger relationship with your son. I know you're feeling lonely sometimes, but women don't matter right now. Just focus on yourself, and then your son for now.

    It is hard, and it can be a long road, but you need to learn to love yourself again. I've seen your opinions on here before and you seem a fantastic guy with so much wisdom to share, anybody would be lucky to know you, you need to start remembering that and learning to appreciate and love yourself, and then you can allow a woman to.

    I know it seems hopeless right now, but trust me, there is more to come. Life isn't over, and there is a way out.

    • I'm just not sure how to dig out. I done a lot of moves to do that but then a year rolls by and I look around and it's still dark.
      Another thing is my age (35). Older you get the more impossible it becomes to meet someone because people at 40 are stuck in their ways.

    • When you're living in despair, it's so hard to see or acknowledge any progress or to see yourself in a different place in the future. If you were looking at somebody else in this situation, you'd see it easier. It's just much harder to see it in yourself.

      I think people approaching 30 or in their thirties often think it's harder to meet people. It doesn't have to be. These days, 35 isn't like it was even just 20 years ago. People are putting off settling down til later these days because we all have careers and are living a lot longer so it isn't nearing middle aged like it once was. When somebody wants a relationship, they learn to adapt to the other and put in that effort, no matter their age. So if you meet a good woman, she'll try to work with you and be a workable team. Works both ways of course. But there are tons of women who've now built their career, got their house, and are ready to complete it all with a man.

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What Girls Said 3

  • That tis a rough place to be. I can speak from experience on that.
    I feel that how she treated you was rude and ridiculous. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
    Don't base taking care of yourself "for woman". It can cause dissapointment. Do it because YOU wanna be better. I think it's great your beginning stages of recovery (quit cigarettes, work out, etc)
    I don't understand why you feel like a deadbeat.. I don't see what you did wrong. Please don't give up video chatting. I have a very low self esteem, and I had a friend ask me to snapchat with him. I downloaded it just to talk with him lol point of that is, he thought it was ridiculous that I haven't taken more than 5 pics of myself since 2010. He changed that. Now, I'm more comfortable with myself.
    No one should be alone on Christmas...
    But when I look at your shaking hands, I see pain. Fear that shit will go bad again. I'd see an undiagnosed, painful past experience. And then I would make it my mission to learn more, and try to help you.
    Please don't do suicide... please. Message me any time.

  • You don't have to feel this way. You are not alone. You have your kid. Be strong for him. If you didn't find a nice woman then you are looking in the wrong places. Kind women exist. I feel like nice guys have disappeared so... I feel you. But they do exist. We don't have to generalize. You are probably going to depression now but be strong. Think about your kid. You don't even have to consider suicide. Please, don't cosnider that. You can't imagine how painful it could be for your child.
    Just enjoy life! Life is shitty for most of us, but we have to go through it.
    Good luck!

    • My son isn't going to car. He's not old enough to. I've been only video chatting once a week and only could see him twice in the past two years. He's not at the age where he'll miss me. He hates video chatting (age thing).

      My ex has a boyfriend and they have been living the happy life together for while. He's very involved with my son and he's about a foot taller than me... He's actually a better supplement than I am.

    • Then if you don't want to live for your son, live for you!
      You really like video chatting? If you don't, change that! Find a job that you enjoy. That keeps you busy. It is possible.

  • Have you considered seeing a psychologist? What's your schedule like? And what state do you live in?

    • I live in Canada. The health care is free so doctors are unmotivated to help but throw medication for the commission.
      The crisis center gave me two separate medications which almost killed me. they were bit suppose to be given together. They referred me to a psychiatrist which took 7 months to see.
      He had this rush attitude. He didn't want me to talk much. He said dumb stuff, No fitness, no sugar, no chocolate, etc. He was mad I stopped with the other drugs. Then he threw a pill that I found out was what they use to put screaming psychopaths to sleep. He gave me a another appoint. for 9 months but canceled for "other people".
      He referred me to a psychologist. When I met her the first thing she asked was the medication. She was VERY angry that I was not taking the pills that almost killed me and the one that is for putting people unconscious. She said if I'm rejecting medication then I don't want help and asked that I leave.

      so yeah. that doesn't help.

    • Woooow people are rude! Come to my sunny state, Arizona! (:

What Guys Said 2

  • You survived a lot but the biggest thing you survived is a divorce. Normally they would rip your wealth and extract it to the divorced wife. As you said you have a lot of money, that keeps you surviving at least.

    Life isn't all about candy and rainbows, where you find a sweet girl, marry her and live ever happy after. You have to face the truth if you want to cope with it and accept reality as it is.
    You have made it so far and you can go on. The world doesn't end tomorrow.

    There are other people like me, who have life issues. Yes, I DO understand, that money is not everything. What I am saying is, that I have no job and no money and let alone love but I am still here, battling my decade-lasting depressions. I have only survived because I didn't had the means to quit it.

    When you have a financially stable life, you are at least there. I am not.

    Just remember to keep in mind what you have before it becomes what you had.
    Just keep going.

  • Please don't do that man, nothing worse than going to a funeral seeing little kids crying, struggling to understand why daddy's not coming back it's sad as fuck. I'm only 20 so I'd be lying if I said I could relate but try to be grateful for the things you have got to experience. Life can sometimes be very bleak and depressing but there always seems to be something out there, some enjoyable experience to be had, even if only for a short while. You have an eternity to be gone, why not play it out?

    • Well, there wouldn't be anyone at the funeral. Much like my Christmas there is actually no one around. Even my parents are gone they go to Florida for the winter. My son is not at the age to understand death yet.

      Anyway, I do understand what you are saying about experience but there becomes a time where you say that you've learned enough and don't want to suffer through it.
      Hell, I blew my prime being walked like a dog through life for the last 10yrs.

    • If anything little kids seem to be more taken back by loss as they are still struggling to come to terms with the fact that life isn't fair that was certainly my impression. Not understand death? He'll definently know your gone. There's a hell of a lot out there in the world that I find it odd that you think you've already learnt enough.

      I'm not sure what your take is on religion but I'm curious, I'm a non believer so I'll live for any tiny amount of joy I can get no matter the suffering, I certainly wouldn't offer life up on the alter of oblivion it just seems like such a waste of what is already a temporary thing.

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