How do you deal with disconnecting with your ex?

We were together for four years. Lived together for all of them. Closest relationship I had but he had problems with alcohol (being really mean and then "forgetting") I broke up with him and started seeing someone else because I was at the end of my tether but still saw him from time to time. He persued me the whole time we were together and I eventually broke it off with the other guy because it just wasn't working. Since then I've moved away but he'd been helping me with some DIY in my new house and coming round for emotional support as he's not having a good time at home. Last time he was around we had a big argument and he hasn't come to visit for weeks. He promised to do some work on my van but he keeps saying he's got stuff to sort out. I stopped replying to his messages and then he started asking why I was ignoring him. I'm finding disconnecting from him really hard, feel like I'm back to square one with our break up. He's told me he doesn't want a relationship but he still wants to have sex when he comes round. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.. I think I can be his friend and I like sleeping with him but I feel like maybe tjats not the right thing to do? Anyone else been here? I feel like he just pursued me to get me to stop seeing other guy and now he knows he can have me and he just doesn't care. I've been going on dates but I don't feel I can connect with a stranger right now. Any advice? Please!!

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What Guys Said 2

  • You haven't gone back to square one since your breakup, you have kept one foot in square one the whole time. How do you expect to get over someone who hasn't left your life? More than that, someone that you keep on turning to and relying on.

    Would you expect to be able to grieve for the loss of a relative who hadn't actually died and lived down the road? Would that seem achievable? Could you go to their funeral and cry it all out, knowing that they weren't gone?

    A bit of an extreme example but it illustrates the point. If you want to get someone out of your head and your heart then you have to be brave enough to take them out of your life, at least for as long as it takes you to heal.

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  • Never had an ex or a relationship but I think it would be tough to do.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I took it hard at first, then called him up and told him I was engaged

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