How to get over him when you can't stop thinking about him?

my heart just hurts every day. he wanted to just be friends, but hasn't really reached out. and i'm just sitting here all the time hoping he will. i don't want to anymore. i want to move on. i want to forget all of the the fun memories i had with him. but i can't and it's driving me crazy and making me sad all of the time. he was so amazing. the perfect guy. i'm broken. :( can anyone offer advice of what to do? i don't want to feel like this all Christmas season... it's supposed to be a happy time of year. and he left me to go be happy in his own life while i sit here feeling awful.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He said that he wanted to be friends but clearly he just wanted to be out of the relationship. You don't really want to be friends either, you're not grieving for a friend, you are grieving for a partner. If he were to get in touch as a friend then it would only remind you that he wasn't yours anymore. That is no good to you right now. The separation seems brutal but it's what you need, because you can't get over him while he's still around.

    The pain is horrible, there's no point in pretending any different. It feels like hell, but it's a normal and very necessary part of healing. You should remember that. You cannot remove something so deep rooted without it being painful. Your body is ridding itself of all those emotional toxins and you will suffer for a while during that process. The process will end though, you WILL feel better. You just have to stay focused on that truth. Try and keep yourself busy, get yourself up and out of the house even if you don't feel like it. It's important that you start to fill the gaps in your day and your routine. The sooner it feels normal for him to not be around the better. Don't allow your brain to wallow in memories, fight against those memories. They will keep trying to break through but keep knocking them back. If you have any of his things or any physical reminders, get rid of them or at least lock them away in storage. You need to push the reminders away from you, not hang on to them

    Don't deconstruct yourself either. Don't waste precious time and energy on trying to work out everything that went wrong. We can't be all things to all people, as much as we might like to be. Sometimes we just cannot hold on to someone because they don't want to be held on to. We have to let them go and we have to let the blame go.

    • thank you. i like how you said my body is getting rid of emotional toxins. i'll try and think of it more like that. i'll try and fill the gaps. there are moments when i feel so happy and normal, and moments when i want to just die from sadness and loneliness. i will start thinking about good memories with him or see something that reminds me of him and just want to fall to the floor and stay there forever. it's hard cause i live in a small town, so i'll see a place we went on a date or something and i'm just triggered. i'll try very hard to let him go. to enjoy my life, my family, my friends. i'll try to get back to who i was before him.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Remember you are still you - the whole person you were before you met him. You enjoyed Christmas before he even existed in your life and you will again. Listen to the music - let it heal and comfort you. Enjoy your family and friends who love you unconditionally. If you were meant to be with him he wouldn't have left you. You will be okay. This is out of your control and that is what makes it so hard. But life is full of things happening that are out of our control. We must realize this and accept it. Believe that you are meant for something greater.

    • thank you <3 this time of year is so beautiful. i'll do my best to enjoy it.
      i just wished he missed me at least, but nope :(

    • You're welcome. But I am sure he is missing you, too. You really don't know what he is feeling. Even if he was the one to do the leaving, it doesn't mean he doesn't miss you. It could be very hard for him, too.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm very sorry for your breakup and I know exactly what you feel. It gets better if you work on it. If you sulk, you're only going to make things worse. I'm not saying don't sulk, but if you have to, get it all out of your system so you can start moving on. I mean when my girlfriend dumped me I did nothing but smoke weed, cry like a 4 year old girl, watch romcoms, and play video games (I know so manly, but fuck it, I was so in love with her and I was blindsided by the breakup because everything was going so well and I needed to get all the grieving out of me).
    What I found to help me through my recent breakup was to write about it and analyze the entire relationship and why it ended. Look, the truth is that he thinks he's better off without you. He doesn't love and care about you enough to want to be with you. Do you really think you deserve someone like that? Everyone deserves to be with someone who feels the same way. Staying with you would have been unfair to the both of you. You can now go out and find someone that will feel the same about you and maybe is even more compatible and better looking. There's MILLIONS of guys out there, your head is all messed up and you've forgotten this.
    The first step is to accept that it's over, that means stop giving yourself false hope that everything will go back to the way it was because it's not going to happen, it's OVER. Don't get stuck in the past and concentrate on your future and yourself. Don't waste anymore time crying over someone who doesn't deserve it.

    • also, completely cut him out of your life, no contact with him by any means and don't ever ghost him or look at old pics because all that's going to do is set you back

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    • okay. i'll work up the courage to tell him that i can't handle only being friends with him and i have to have space and all of that. thank you. i truly appreciate it. i wish you well with your life and moving on

    • Good, I know it's hard but it's what's best for you and you should only be doing what's best for you, remember that's what he did.

  • Sounds like you can't just be friends with him. I know moving on is hard. I'm on my fourth month myself. The way I deal with it is accept that she's on my mind 24/7 and that I'm just going to be sad until it passes. It actually helps. Tell yourself I'm sad and nothing I can do about it. People tell you to worry about what comes next and not the past but it doesn't work that way. It's all about time passing. Accept that your sad and try to move on. Take baby steps. One day at a time is all. Also recognize that you're not alone. Everyone goes through this and it's the worst. Worse than death. At least when someone dies there is nothing you can do. I wouldn't wait around though. Consider it over. You may find yourself pleasantly surprised to hear from him one day. He will come out of no where. He also may never ever come. So don't wait around. Be sad all you want. Know you're not alone. Consider it over.

    • thank you. that's really good advice. i am sad, and i'm tired of putting on a fake smile when i don't feel anything close to happy. i'm sad, and that's ok. i'm sorry about your break up... you and i are defintley not alone like you said.
      i won't hold out out hope that he will come back around. i won't be the one reaching out to him at all. even though i'd like to do things with him just to see his face and hear his voice again. but i only want to if he wants to. and if he wants to then he will text me, if not it's over. i'll accept it's over, be sad about it, and let fate take it's course.

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    • yeah we are, thank you so much. vice a versa, if you need anything...

    • i follwed your account, just in case.

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