My first real break up. What do I do?

I dated this girl for three years until last Sunday. I honestly don't know what yo do. I am broken hearted and it hurts so bad!!! I have all of our memory's running through my head. All the promises she gave me a week before we broke up. I don't want to see her with another guy, like that terrifys me in every way. She broke up with me out of no where because she says she doesn't know what she wants. She says she is feeling the same way I am feeling. Their is no way! I have a strong feeling of wanting her back, I'm crying myself to sleep. I don't eat much now. What do I do people?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I had my first break up when I was 14, it drove me into a deep depression but I wouldn't say it was the main factor it's just what tipped me over the edge. I relied on him too much, he was my rock and the only friend I had... when he broke up with me my world shattered. I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't stop thinking about him and at one point I couldn't even breathe.
    At the time it felt like I would never get over him, that he was the only one for me and that's probably what you feel like right now.

    I'm 22 now, I haven't seen him since I was 17. He still crosses my mind once in a while but none of the pain of the memory of the break up is there.

    I just thought I'd share my experience to let you know that those painful feelings don't last forever. Cry your heart out little man, and once you're all done vow that you won't cry about it again. Give yourself some time and space and yes I know it's very tempting to message her, I made the mistake of sending him several texts and it just drove him away and hurt me more. But also give her some time and space, it'll help her and you figure out what you both really want

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Most Helpful Guy

  • What you do is be patient and give it time. It's going to hurt, it's supposed to hurt. As I said to someone yesterday, your mind and body are ridding themselves of a whole load of emotional toxins. It's part of the healing process. Imagine having a tumour that has to be removed. It can't be removed without some discomfort, that's just the way it is. Something so deep rooted and powerful takes time and discomfort to rid yourself of it.

    There is a time for just holing up and feeling like crap. Usually the first week or so. Then after that you need to drag yourself up and out. You need to keep busy, you need to see friends. Even if you don't feel like it you need to do it. You need to start filling all those gaps in your day that she will have left. At first it's like going through the motions but after a while your routine will no longer be centred around her and your day won't miss her so much.

    Keep focused on the fact that this will get better, because it will. Allow yourself a week or so of reflecting on things but after that you need to fight off the intrusive thoughts and memories. Don't waste time on all the whys and what ifs, they are pointless. If you have any of her things then lock them away somewhere or get rid of them. Don't keep yourself tied to the trauma indefinitely.

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    • She has me kinda waiting on her in a way because she calls this a break and their is a 50 percent chance of getting back together. But I don't see that because it feels like she is treating me badly. You would think after you crushed someones heart that you would be really nice to them

    • Don't wait on her, the chances are that it won't happen. That's how you should take it anyway, that it's over. You should focus on getting yourself right. Besides which, do you really want to wait for someone to decide if they want you? I wouldn't want that, I'd decide for them.

      Don't be left hanging, that is torture. Take control of your life back. Yes it's hard, but the sooner you get on with the healing the sooner it will start happening.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I'm so sorry:( I know that really really hurts and you probably think their is no way on Earth you're going to get over this. Honestly, you just need to let yourself cry and be sad for a bit. After a few days though, get yourself out more. Hang out with friends, and talk to someone who won't mind you venting about how you're feeling. It's really important to talk with someone face to face and communicate your thoughts. It would be better to find a friend who will just listen to you instead of telling you to just get over it or forget about her etc because that often times just makes it worse. Treat yourself and busy yourself with things you like to do. Also cut off all contact with her. Delete her number, unfollow any of her social medias. This may sound harsh but she will understand and it will help so much, trust me. I sincerely hope that you feel better:)

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  • You slowly heal and move on. If you know it is over, no contact. No social media stalking, no texts no emails, calls Nothing!!! Keep the good memories, and let everything else go.. things will work out, sometimes one door closes, we don't understand, but it is so another one can open. Best of luck

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  • All I can say is that it'll take some time hun. It sucks and it hurts and unfortunately we all go through it. But being single isn't so bad either :) take the time and hang out with friends, go out, meet new people, eat good food. It'll hurt for a while, but it won't last forever. Just go out and do the things you love with the people you love to get your mind off of her. If she doesn't see the value in being with you she's simply not worth it hun. Don't be too down, you'll meet your special someone someday. But until then live life to the fullest and have fun! Don't waste your precious time on being sad :)
    I wish you the best~! :D

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  • Take a deep breath. Three years is a long time but you're both young and sometimes people get to this point in their lives of not knowing what they want and who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Take it day by day. Breakups are hard to deal with. But at the end of the day, your happiness matters too.

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  • nothing

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  • let it go

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  • You are in control of how you want to feel , keep telling yourself it was not meant to be and you will find the right girl who you haven't met yet. I'm going there the same thing. And this really helps. If they don't treat you right then why worry I keep saying that to myself

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What Guys Said 4

  • Hold yourself together. I know it's easy said than done. The fact is, there are many nice girls out there right who are looking for a guy like you.

    Of course you have the abilities to move on though it feels to you your world is crumbling.

    In my last breakup, the following worked for me; it could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    The first thing I do is accepting I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting to win her back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

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  • Oh you poor bastard! This is a real heartbreak. I got my first one a few days before I turn 19 years old. Well, you might be able to get back together because it sounds like she is simply uncertain. In my case I was dumped because the girl was fickle. She told me that 5 years after the fact but during all that time I was pretty upset. Anyway, expect the next two years of your life are gone as you attempt to heal. Do not get into a relationship with another girl until it just feels ok to do so. This is why I say 2 years although it may be longer. My second great heartbreak occurred almost 25 years ago and I never really recovered.

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  • The pain will hurt for awhile. Pick yourself up and go out and enjoy life. Do fun things and try to be happy. If you keep letting it bug and bother you then it makes it harder to heal and move on. Let her crawl to you and don't give her attention by blowing up her phone.

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  • find some hobbies to make ur mind busy

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