Need advice on break/breakup?

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and we have broken twice and got back together. Last week he said he wanted to have a mature stress free conversation with me when I asked him what it was in person he said he really loves me but part of him wants to go on a break as he feels he hasn't grown as a person and he feels he can only do that if he is single. So long story short we were on a break when later on in that night I saw him at a nightclub and said we were broken up , I was distraught. The very next day he sent me a text saying when you asked to confirm if it was break or break up he said he meant to say break. Then a couple days later I messaged him being like what does a break mean when he told me it means we are broken up but not excluding the fact we might get back togther. It seems like he is really confused and it's really hard for me because if I didn't ask him to tell me what a break was I would still think oh we are togther just giving each other space. I feel he's left me waiting for him to get back to me.

i know he loves me and the break is good for me to as I feel it will rejuvenate the relationship but at the same time I feel so hurt by how he has handled it and don't understand why he would do this to someone he says he loves. The most important person in his life and the person he cares about the most etc.

i know he misses me and this finding it hard but he's going out s lot and says girls are the last thing on his mind so I don't need to be concerned about that. I know he misses me and I think he will come back in a few weeks begging for me back as he is very aware and said to me he knows he's making a mistake.

I know now that I need to focus and work on myself and try heal from the break up, I'm planning not to contact him at all and give him space.
so if anyone has been through something similar. Advice would be appreciated


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  • I'm going to be totally honest here, there is a massive difference to, having some space to think about the relationship, and a break to "grow".

    A break where you grow, is breaking up, it's just easier to say break because it's not final.

    If you are young (between 18/22) then I think it's time to put this relationship behind you, you say you split twice already and got back together, which shows that there are issues with your compatibility and right now he is having his cake and eating it, cause I guess you (with a little sweet talking) will have him back.

    You are right when you say he is confused, but I think he's had his chance, and this will happen again if you get back together. Just make it real easy for him, message him to say you want a "stress free, mature conversation". See him to explain how this isn't working for you (a break) and you want closure, to end the relationship, so you can move on.

    Personally, he needs to grow up and have some balls and end a relationship rather than stringing someone on who loves him, and he's supposed to love. Rather than once he's bored with his single life, come back to you... your selling yourself short if you allow that.

    If you dint contact him he'll just find that alluring and mysterious and end up contacting you, you should consider making it final.

    All the best.

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    • Yeh I agree with what your saying, I dunno I feel like he's the one for me and when he broke up the last time it was uncertainty also and getting back together to soon after that he never really addressed what he needed to. I already got a little closure with asking what a break was and he said its a break up for now. I suppose he knows he loves me and feels like he will miss me and want me back so is keeping that option open for himself so yes having his cake and eating it too. There is no way I will get back to him if he wants that unless he really shows and probes to me he wants to be with me. We are compatable with each other we get on so well I suppose he wants to see what the world would be like with out be which I get. We are on good terms which is also good and it was very mature. I suppose time will tell and what's for me won't pass me by but for now I'm just gonna work on me and that's my priority for now. Thanks for your advice I greatly appreciated your time.

  • I really feel for you. Sounds like he's confused.
    If he wants space I say give it to him. I wish I had, but couldnt handle it so now I've been dumped.

    But if he wants space, really give it to him. Let him know what it's like to miss you, know what it's like for you not to be around when it's good for him. Take this as time for you as well.

    And men are different from us females. They don't sit around talking to thier pals crying over the break. They are out finding a way to distract themselves. Which is so unhealthy. Itll catch up to him. He won't be out 24/7. Value yourself so that he can value you if and when he is ready.
    Good luck!:)

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    • Thank you, for taking the time to give me advice. It's a double whammy for me as my friends aren't being there for me either and I know they have lives of there own but not even a message asking how I'm doing :(

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    • W your guy it seems like he will be back. Seems that he still loves you. Why he did what he did I don't know?
      W me I feel it doesn't matter if im in his life or not. He can be so cold and knows exactly what to say to hurt me and does.
      Doesn't sound like a keeper I know. But it will take me time to get over things. Can't ️help who you love.

    • He went out for his 21st to some scaldy nightclub and I was so upset I didn't get the invite but we spoke and I gave him a sly dig. Saying hope you had fun he said thanks it's was okay. It seems like space is best option of you want him back look up exboufriend recovery it helped me. But one thing my aunt said to me before has stuck what's means for you won't pass you but also lads think differently to girls they bottle and have he ability to put things at the back of their mind girls think and let it the consume them it's only a matter of time before he starts to awknowlege it and miss you. Give him the time to miss you. I read a book of poems called milk and honey and that really helped me check it out. I'll be on more so we can help each other out

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