I feel like I lost the love of my life, and I don't know if I should try to get him back or give it up?

I was with my ex for 3 years and all I ever had was questions. Is he the right one, are we going to be happy forever, is he ever going to do this/get this/be this, etc. And I would take out these frustrations out on him by starting arguments that didn't even need to happen. I would throw fits, get mad, try to make him feel guilty, tell him he wasn't enough, and he eventually broke up with me.

Its been 2 weeks and I realized that there was nothing wrong with him, it was all me. I had this vision of the "perfect" guy when I didn't even realize that I myself am not perfect and I have insecurities I need to fix so that I can feel confident with myself and in a relationship too. Really, he was easily a great catch, and I was blinded by my thoughts. I started seeing a counselor, and I want to better myself. He told me that he will always love me and wants to stay friends, he said "i love you, but we are not compatible. All i ever do is make you mad. Find someone who will not always upset you." That hurt me because he never did anything wrong. I've thought about all of his positive qualities and they are just like, my description of the perfect guy. I've thought about his negative qualities and the thing is, they aren't bad. They are just his personality. I definitely have negative qualities in my personality that if he was willing to live with I should have been able to live with his.

I want to show him that I can change and be the person he needs, and I'm willing to wait until he is ready to try again, if he even wants to. I want to make this known to him but I don't want to force anything on him, all I've ever done is force my opinions on him so Im sure the last thing he wants is a binding statement that I'll stick around but only if he considers dating me again.

How can I approach this situation in a calm way, that isn't begging, but sincerely telling him that I want to and can work on how I handle myself and how I handle relationships?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My ex did that.

    Believe me, if she ever acknowledged what shed done and tried for real to change it and asked for me back with the sincerety you showed here...

    Id be so happy.

    there's hope. Explain it to him. Show him.
    Its worth it.
    Make him a believer.

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    • We broke up Saturday, can I tell him how I feel and not be too pushy? We agreed to talk next weekend on the phone but I really want to meet with him in person maybe over coffee to tell him what I've been thinking... is this too soon?

Most Helpful Girl

  • You shouldn't regret not trying. So try to get him back. But yeah, it would hurt if you do all you can to try to get him... but in the end he ends up making you beg him to come back. You will get hurt like hell. try approaching him in calm and collective way, say exactly how you felt once. And that's it... only once. If he doesn't want to try it again, then forget him. Because you will lose a friend and get more hurt by trying more than once.

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    • What is the time frame for relaying these emotions? I want him to know that I am sincere and not just desperate to get him back right now. It's only been 5 days since we broke up and we've agreed to at least not talk till Saturday.

    • tha'ts hard to say. Not too long that he completely forgets you and moves on but not too short that he thinks you haven't thought through thoroughly... and are just having residual feelings after break up. But be prepared and calm. Don't try plenty of times that you lose your pride and hurt yourself.

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What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 11

  • First of all, good on you for recognizing where you went wrong. But you have to recognize that a lot of damage has been done here as well. There may be a chance he may never want to get back together with you, and if it comes to that, you need to be prepared to be happy for him, and don't revert back to guilt-tripping or blame-gaming.

    My advice is just either tell him in person who send him a message letting him know that you acknowledge where you fucked up, that you love him, and will always be there for him. That you'd like to work things out one day but will still understand and support him if he feels he can't.

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  • It's good that you did some self-reflection and have acknowledged your bias and hindering expectations, but it doesn't help now after 3 years. You can simply explain what you feel you've learned about yourself and how your behaviour contributed to the break-up, but don't beg or plead for another chance. He might think you're just saying that for another chance or he might be too hurt still to get involved with you again, and you need to just tell him your piece, then leave him be to decide for himself.

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  • You have to really change, and you are trying. Try to change, tell him you are trying to and give him time to process this

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  • first thing buddy if she was the love of ur life u would not even have a doubt first in what to do, and secon u would not even have lost her in first place !.

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  • he is not sure of what he wants... he ain't mature enough to commit sorry move on

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  • try to get him back

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  • try to get

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  • Love language. .. Google it

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  • Baby girl, u are young he will not be the last love u will meet. I know how u feel, but life gets better and better.

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  • Love is worth fighting for. Talk to him and explain what you've stated here. It's reasonable and sincere. He may need time to think about what he wants , but respect his space if he needs it

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    • How soon can I let him now these things? We broke up Saturday and agreed to wait at least a week before having any contact with each other, I want to tell him this weekend on Saturday these things I've been thinking of, but I also don't want him to think that I'm already trying to bring him back into my life as my boyfriend or telling him he needs to get back with me ASAP.

  • you don't deserve him

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