Girlfriend dumped me but keeps contacting me, how do I handle this?

My ex girlfriend abruptly dumped me earlier this month on our way home from a double date with her friends (we dated for about 5 months). I was shocked because things seemed to be going really well, she had been talking about a future with me and moving in together in the spring. She is 34, I'm 30. After she dumped me, she sent a lot of mixed messages, such as kissing me when she came to drop my stuff off, then asking me out to dinner. She also called me for comfort before starting her new job, called me everyday after that, including Thanksgiving. Last week she asked me to go out with her, her friend and the friend's boyfriend. After, she and I went to dinner alone and she asked me to stay the night with her. The next day she made plans with me, only to break them an hour before we were supposed to go out, she said we shouldn't talk anymore. 4 days after telling me she didn't want to talk anymore, I ran into her sister, we talked for a few minutes, but we did not talk about my ex at all. Later that night, my ex called me to say she heard I ran into her sister, that her sister and family missed me and think I am so nice. She then asked me what the sister and I talked about, and proceeded to ask me for advice about her new job, which I helped her get (she dumped me a few days before she started her new job). The conversation ended up in an argument because I asked her why she wanted my advice and why she was calling if she didn't want to talk to me just 4 days earlier. She also offered to decorate my new apartment, which we were going to do together originally. I got mad because these feel like mixed messages. I asked her what she wanted from me, she said nothing, and wanted to be friends. I told her that would be too hard because we both would get mad at the other when they start a new relationship. She was offended that I signed up for online dating so soon after her dumping me. I don't know why she cares since she dumped me. I miss her and don't know how to handle this.
When my ex broke again told me she didn't want to date me and that we shouldn't talk (before I saw her sister), she said "I'm sorry it didn't work out. You check off every box for what I want in a man. I just think my feelings should be stronger by now." Then later said she wanted to still decorate my house for me.

Why would she say I'm everything she wants and then dump me? Why say we shouldn't talk, then offer to decorate my house?


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What Girls Said 2

  • she's using u for comfort and company...
    Either stop before u get hurt, or prepare for it...

    • Why would she want comfort from me if she dumped me and said she didn't want to talk anymore? Isn't that completely contradictory? I just don't understand why someone would want comfort from me, but not want me in her life.

      Why do you think she told me that she checked my online dating profile? She was also mad that I decided to start dating again so soon after her dumping me. Why does she care?

      When we were out to dinner the other week and asked me to stay the night, she again started to talk about the future with me. Why would someone do that, make plans with me for the next day and then suddenly run away and again say we shouldn't talk.

      She told me that I "check every box" for everything she wants in a guy, but thinks her feelings should be stronger for me by now. Why does she keep coming back?

      She wants marriage, kids, etc. all of the same things that I want. She even said she wanted those things with me, which she brought up just a couple of weeks before dumping me.

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    • she's a female... it won't make sense to u... u just gotta do what best for U... that's not fair to u at all...

    • Nala, took the worda right out of my mouth. She just want company. Leave her alone.

  • Leave her alone. She wants company from you. She doesn't care for you she cares for your company.

    • Why does she want the company of a man that she chose to dump?

      How can she say that I'm everything she wants in a guy, and dump me after?

      I am trying my best to stay away from her. It's just really difficult because I thought I had found the person who I was going to have a good future with. At one point she and I had a pregnancy scare. We were forced to think about our life together and she said that she was happy to have a family with me and that she could picture a great life with me and said it was what she wanted. It feels weird to hear her go from that to breaking up with me about a month later. She introduced me to her mom a few weeks before we broke up. She invited me to Thanksgiving (we broke up before that holiday), and she wanted to come to my family's Christmas. I guess I am just in shock at how quickly things changed, given that she was pushing hard for a serious future with me.

    • I am sorry to hear this because this sounds like me a little. You are trying to find a reason to keep her around because you really like her. As soon as you accept that she doesn't want a relationship with you at this time, it would be the best for you to move on. Best of wishes.

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