Will a guy ever really change? I'm so afraid someone will get what I wanted him to be?

So my ex and i just didn't work. He was cold not affectionate at all and not spontaneous. He also had a very low sex drive. I still loved him through all his awkwardness and tried to make it work. But eventually it just got to be too hard to give up the things I wanted. He wanted to be with his friends all the time, he never called me babe or anything like that. He even said himself he knows he sucks at that stuff. So my question is now that he's talking to someone new all I can think about is how he's going to be different with her. How he's going to give her everything I wanted and waited years for him to give me. Does it work that way? Will he see what he did wrong and be different? Or since that's his core personality he will treat her the same way? It's killing me to think someone will get that from him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The fact is that yes, he might well improve and become the things that he should have been for you. That will only happen if he realises that he NEEDS to change and he gets off his butt and does something about that. As long as he does neither then he will just repeat the same mistakes.

    He has the right to improve on his shortcomings and to find love, just as we all do. It's unfortunate that it won't be with you but sometimes we are just the wrong fit and sometimes it's entirely the wrong time for it to work. Just because he could improve with someone else doesn't mean that he could ever have improved with you. Again, it's about the right timing and the right fit.

    Don't obsess about what he might and might not do or become. You are not with him anymore, it's over. You need to find peace with that, find closure and move on with your life. He's just one single man out of a world of men. He is neither the worst or the best. There is life beyond him as long as you don't give up on life.

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    • I guess what hurts is that i wasn't worth the effort fornhim to change those things for me. Someone else will get that and i wanted it so bad from him. Maybe he just didn't love me enough

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    • Sometimes it doesn't work out no matter how hard you tried, how good a person you were and how deeply you loved. That is just life. Relationships are complex recipes. What you can walk away with is the fact that you did your best and that the relationship didn't fail because of you. You can be proud of yourself for that. You can't affect what he might or might not do, but the longer that is a concern for you the longer it will take you to heal.

    • @levantine99 ya! That's my fear. I feel like it's not fair but I guess that's life. I wanted him to be those things for me

Most Helpful Girl

  • "tried to make it work": translation: i tried to change him and mold him to my liking although i knew that he was how he was when i met him... .

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    • also you are possessive and plain jealous. you dont really love him. if you did you'd like to be happy with her. furthermore if hs core personality won't change then she'll probably kick him out as well. some people aren't meant for dating.

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    • True about him showing love that I couldn't comprehend. The affection I'm talking about is small things like holding hands (he never did that) kisses on the cheek, making me feel beautiful just everyday things like that. I really didn't want much.

    • Not really possessive and yes I am jealous. We were together 3 years and now he's putting in effort to someone else. But I never said I didn't want him to be happy.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It's really hard to say what his new relationship will look like, because you're the only other example of him being in a relationship, you will see how he treats her and how she feels and only then will you have a better track record. But from what you said that he never called you babe or anything, even from the beginning, I would think he would be the same with her. Some guys are just like that, that's how they saw their patents together, and that's what a relationship looks like to him.

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What Girls Said 1

  • no ı experienced it before

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