My ex is having sex with someone else?

We dated for over 2 years and broke up about 2 years ago, regardless he's always managed to try and flirt with me and we've stayed friendly after a period of no contact. However recently he tried kissing and tried to take things further but I said no. Then last night I saw he was tagging this girl in some sexual posts and although I don't necessarily want him back, I feel hurt (don't know why because I didn't even want to kiss him when he tried to) and I feel really weird about it. Does everyone feel like this after finding out their ex is sleeping with someone else or am I just truly not over him then?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I really do not recommend staying in contact with an ex for reasons like this. It is usually just a messy conflict of interest that develops this drama. I have a really hard time understanding why you care at all who he is with now. You broke up, you have gone your separate ways. Eventually he will be with someone else, that is how it works. I think you are upset maybe because he has been able to move on while you haven't. Like he beat you to it in regard to finding a "replacement" partner. So he has something great in his life that you don't. We want a partner, we want sex, companionship all that stuff. When we break up we lose that person, but still want some connection to someone. Until you find a new partner it can be easy to use your ex as a temporary crutch. This is another reason why breaking contact is socially healthy because you can focus on new relationships and forget the old and eliminate that need for the "crutch". So don't worry about what he is doing. You are so worried about his life that you are ignoring your own and likely missing out on meeting a great new guy!

    • You're right... I guess I thought he had some underlying affection or feelings for me but I don't think so anymore and unfortunately I got too charmed even though I rejected his advances. He never told me there was someone else and part of me has the urge to confront him about it but then again I don't want to let him know that I still care somehow. It's a confusing feeling... We went over a year with no contact and I was fine with it and now I'm all emotional again.

  • Maybe you are over him but were just not quite ready for him to be over you. The two can be separate. You can be fully sure that you don't want someone in your life and yet still feel a little upset when they come to that same conclusion. Especially if you believe that you were the aggrieved party, you are more likely to believe that they should want you and you shouldn't want them. That's an easier idea to process, we all have some ego.

    Either way, it doesn't really matter what he is doing, he's an ex and you need to remind yourself of that. You broke up for a reason.


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