Help, is my behavior terrible? boyfriend and I broke up and I need advice on future dating?

So, boyfriend and I of 6 years broke up over Thanksgiving weekend. I broke up with him after years of uncertainty but more recently the last year. I lived with him for about a year and he was kind of controlling, condescending, and I was honestly bored, there were signs it wasn’t right. We are best friends though and he is comfortable for me and I do care about him so I kept trying. We are just different people…(he wants to live in the country, I’m a city girl, his temper makes me anxious, I’m more complex, etc. different wants and goals) Basically, in July, I couldn’t ignore what I really wanted anymore and moved out of his house. I love living alone. I am happy I did it but we stayed together, trying to make it work. I finally had what I want and discovered the real issue is he won’t compromise, he wants what he wants and regardless if I want the same thing doesn’t seem to matter as long as I stick with him, happy or sad. I asked him if I stay with you simply to make you happy and am always this uncertain, would that be something you are okay with? He said he just wants me and wasn’t sure if how I felt mattered….

Anyways, I went on Tinder late this week just to see who is out there and reassure myself that other guys will be into me and to break up the loneliness. I talked to a few guys but remember I wasn’t trying to really meet someone I genuinely liked…I met this guy, he talked to me like a human and was very respectful and we have a lot in common. He wants to hang out with me but I explained vaguely that the timing isn’t right…my mom told me in a month if I wanna try going on a date just to see that is okay and not wrong. Is it wrong of me to talk to this guy more, maybe hang out, hook up, assuming he’s the same person when we meet? I feel guilty but I won’t lie I’m accidentally catching feelings….

I’ve been sad but mostly because he is so sad. I had more time to process this since I decided this would happen back in the summer basically. we texted on Monday, he was narcissistic and manipulative. That really made me over it.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I understand that emotionally you have pretty much ended with your b/f but it seems really wrong to be looking around for more Male attention before you have formally ended things..6 years is a heck of a long time I think your ex deserves a proper final breakup.. it seems like your almost too cowardly to tell him it's over.. I mean why even move out and hero the pretence up? ... also , wouldn't it be good to ha e an emotional break? I mean 6 years and then on tinder? Really? ... but hey your choice

    • i did formally end things... we are over, family and friends know and we are both single and not speaking...

    • not sure where you got the idea that we weren't broken up lol i start out the whole thing stating we broke up on Thanksgiving...

    • Sorry Hun my apologies in that part , still say your moving on too soon though :(

What Girls Said 1

  • Your'e behavior is understandable... your ex doesn't sound like he's been very fair on you all these years however I think you should tell him that you want to date other people. It sounds like you've moved on. I would also may be question if you're ready to find someone new, and not doing it just to build your self-esteem and fill a void. Dating like that becomes messy and miserable. I've been there.

    • Yeah, I mean he knows, I told him we can't continue talking... I want to move on but I get it is only 2 weeks... I feel terrible, I didn't mean to meet someone.

      I will say I have no interest in a serious relationship, more so, interested in a fun experience ha with a cute guy ha.

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