Is this cheating? Please help!

Ive recently been seeing this nice guy for about 3 weeks. He's romantic, loyal and funny ... BUT, recently I've developed a close bond with this other guy, who I get on WAY more than the sweet guy, because let's face it ... the sweet guy is just ... sweet. And even though that's great, it's boring me. The other guy has a great, dynamic personality and the other night I hung out at his, and we stayed up all night talking ... which I've NEVER done with a guy before. And the conversation became quite erotic. However, I ensured nothing happened. I've not kissed him, as I felt harsh on the sweet guy ... BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?

Would you count this as cheating?

BTW the convo was sexual; like what we'd like to do to each other. etc.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that many people would refer to this situation as "emotional cheating". Cheating simply isn't relegated to the physical anymore. Just because there was no kissing or no sex, doesn't meant that you weren't cheating. In your heart, you have developed feelings for this other guy. Plus, you said that you hung out at his place and stayed up all night talking and the conversation took on erotic overtones. Was your boyfriend aware that you stayed at another man's house all night? Would he approve if he knew that the conversation had become sexual? How would you feel if the tables were turned and you found out that he was chatting up some girl behind your back?

    The simple fact that you felt the need to ask this question is a by-product of a guilty conscience. So, here's a good rule of thumb from now on. If you find yourself spending time with a man other than your boyfriend and you find yourself doing and/or saying things with this guy-- that you know that your significant other would not approve of if he found out---you're venturing into cheating territory.

    Your best bet here would be to come clean with your boyfriend, especially if he doesn't know that you spent the night with this other guy because secrets have a way of coming out whether you want them to or not. Just be honest and tell him that you have feeling for somebody else and that you know that you were wrong to hide it from him for this long, but you just didn't know how to tell him. Tell him that staying in a relationship, knowing you have feelings for another man, isn't fair to him and that he deserves better.

    The sooner you come clean the better because the longer you waste your boyfriend's time, the more angry he is going to be.


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What Guys Said 1

  • In the realms of cheating this would be considered "Emotional cheating" or "Bond cheating", because in turn you're actually more interested in your dynamic friend than you're current 3-week stint. I would [strongly] suggest that you end the previous relationship entirely before this becomes complex. Even if your male friend doesn't stick around odds are that the "sweet" guy, if you're describing him as "just sweet" now will not be sufficient to meet your needs later and this will become repetitious.


What Girls Said 1

  • It's not yet cheating unless you lied to the current 3-week Boyfriend about it. Are you and the "nice guy" exclusively in a relationship? If that was never talked about, it's also not cheating. I would decide who you want to start making your priority and then let the other one go, sounds to me like it's not the nice guy you are interested in. Don't lead him on or blow him off, just be up front with him. No one likes to sit there and wonder if they are being blown off or not. All the best ;)

    • Yeah it was never "exclusive" with the sweet guy. he isn't my boyfriend

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