Help me revise this breakup letter?

My boyfriend broke up w me last month. he's texted me occcasionally. Id like to send the following. Please help me revise. Its my truth. don't want a reaction or to get back together;

I had originally wanted to write you to meet friends and i out to see the city hall Christmas tree next week. I thought there was no friend I'd rather grab cocoa with after a cold day outside then you. Because this time last year i considered you my bestfriend for life.

before i could send that email i thought about everything, you aren't the same person. you are a good friend. I felt embarrassed when i saw your exes post on FB. you're niave if you think her friending you had nothing to do with how you treated me. i never did anything but encourage you to be friends with her. She brags about your car and you tease her back. It was embarrassing. That is the LEAST interesting thing about you. There's a reason none of your real friends even react. she and I do not view money the same way because my love isn't for sale. YOU impressed me. Not your car or job.

And I kept playing over and over in my head what you said "When you love someone you don't pause. You work things out." What you meant was when someone loves you. Because the second things weren't perfect you quit me. You are a quitter. My friends dont quit and are my friends through thick and thin.

To quote someone i met recently "believe me I've been through exactly what your going through now. he did you a huge favor because why the hell would you want to be with a liar, someone who gives up so easy!! Life gets hard sometimes and I don't know about you but I want someone who is going to be there no matter how hard times. I want to be able to walk through hell and come out the other side and see my girl next to me."

So i started wondering why i would want to be...
with a man who goes on line chatting with other women before he dumps his girlfriend, who so easily gives up on friends, who is proud of his stuff and money, and i couldnt think of a reason why. You are not the man i fell in love with. That man is better.

I will send you the presents i bought because a mutual friend, xyx, once told me every present has a recipient and i believe that. I want nothing in return. I do want your mom's address to send her a card. My car insurance did not reimburse m
He responded. And it didn't make me feel better. Just more confused


Most Helpful Guy

  • you sound more mature than he is. I just noticed you are 38... my guess is you are older than he as you are more mature. You were attracted to him... thus there are things to reflect on why and learn about yourself. Every time you date, learn about others and yourself... make some improvements you wish to make, root out troubling issues in yourself so you can love and find love (in my opinion from your creator). That is the value.

    He may be a narcissist, certainly is not mature. He went online so that he had a plan B to fill in whatever void/pain he has as opposed to feel it [probably].

    Wish I had more time to write, but what IS the point of your text? Appears you are trying to explain to him and lead him, which is a wonderful thing. People are at different maturity levels, you care about him and you see some of what he has wrong... but he doesnt' see it. You both needed to get to counseling to work stuff out. Ideally get him to a counselor and a mens group so he can learn about how screwed up he is before he hurts himself.

    I've been through a lot of that, in the pain is the rewards. Ending things is not easy, this one looks like it is dangling if he is texting you and you want to explain. Thus... I suggest you two either stop talking completely, or agree to get to a counselor to dig through things you learned about yourselves and what you want to change. I know that sounds crazy and doubt anyone will agree. But if you don't, many lessons will be saved and repeated:)

    • Yes, i know this is why he did this because he met ME online. When he did he removed his profile that day. He was so sure. Then the next 13 months we were very happy. I mean, no clue until that day. Id been swamped at work the last 2 month's, sure, but id already put in my two weeks.

      I agree and am speaking to someone now. I don't remember a breakup being quiteso painful

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    • so he may have attachment, bonding, issues? he has some growing to do, hopefully you helped him along.
      you were attracted to him... find out why? Do you like wounded birds?

    • I doubt you can send emails and clear anything up. my experience is it is easier to create more confusion that to clear up or resolve anything. As well, unless one person is very clear in their own mind (espc the guy), it is hard for the girl to follow and be clear. The woman is emotional in nature and so her emotions tend to follow off the guy... until she reaches a conclusion of some kind (some woman are very good at making hard decisions, others not). so more messaging won't help, just create more disjointedness. Talking is best and in person if communicsaion is to occur.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You stated up top, you didn't want a reaction or to get back together. Then just remember this: Silence is an Answer Too! IF you are not seeking anything, don't write. Write the letter as you did to make yourself feel better, and tuck it away. Just go silent on him, do not contact him, when or if he reaches out, just don't respond at all. Forget the past, close the door, move forward, sometimes that is the BEST LETTER you will ever write!!!

    • this is a good point. communicating risks re-attaching.
      What I see you doing is processing and conveying things to him... his parting gift to educate him. There is value in getting counseling, the both of you to end it, or to do triage on what went wrong.. not to try and patch it up. # of people who actually take time to end things right is probably very very few. But there is so much lessons in this don't know where to start.

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    • @lightbulb27 I whole heartedly agree with you on this. I totally wish more people could show maturity to just end things right! IT would solve a lot of therapy bills! :)))

    • Thank you!

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What Girls Said 1

  • If he broke up with you, he doesn't want you. If he doesn't want you, nothing you can say will make him want you. The best thing to do is to move on and leave things alone. Actually, sometimes moving on from an ex makes him want you back when he sees you are happy without him. I say no letter is the best thing.


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