Why are some people so callous when giving break up advice online?




Viewing stories of other people, be it on reddit, forums, or this very site: I see supporting and comforting replies from people, advice, and on the flipside there are just callous attacks.

Someone opens up, and tells the world their relationship issues, their bitterness anger and pain. While there are definitely comforting responses, there are also always responses like

"Get over it"
"Grow up, you're an adult"
"You're being selfish"
"It's your fault it ended, move on"

How is placing blame helpful on a broken person's recovery? Their self esteem is already at rock bottom, why push them over the edge? Do people not realise that after a break up, the broken people are not only emotionally unstable but irrational? In my opinion, you cannot hold a broken person to the same standard of logic and morality as a person who is not broken. Break ups happen to everyone, so if everyone understands them, why the callous responses?

Sure I get it being desperate/clingy , or wishing their ex was dead; These are bad qualities. But is it so easy to forget that a broken person is not in the right frame of mind? These are hurt people, not evil people. They should be treated with respect.

A question to those who give callous break up advice: You wouldn't kick a crippled person, so why rub salt in a heartbroken person's wound by placing the blame on them?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Like when they comment " move on it's just an ex" and "only stupid people take back there ex" why do people say things like that is so mean if you don't have something nice to say dont say anything at all

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    • Exactly how I feel. While I get it's the internet and everyone needs a thick skin, heartbroken people are vulnerable. It's like kicking someone when they're down. It's not right to be callous towards the vulnerable.

    • Like I've just post a question about my ex and those were some of the comments I got. Some people on the Internet just don't care about how others feel

Most Helpful Guy

  • Saying "move on" sounds callous but is actually the best break up advice ever. They way it's delivered may be horrible and ineffective but the advice itself is perfect. Once the relationship is over you need to move on - sitting still and wallowing in pity and wishing for it to come back is unhealthy.
    More to your point - there are people who have been affected by breakups who HAVEN'T been able to move on and tell others in vicious ways , which is ironic

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    • That makes sense. Although I've seen advice with the "move on" message but packaged in a more sympathetic manner. They might even say the words "move on" but package it with sympathy prior.

      I still don't understand the responses that place the blame on the broken person for the brea up.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I get those responses and seriously I feel like... I shouldn't open up and ask for advice.

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What Guys Said 3

  • When it happens to you; it's the end of the world.

    When it happens to someone else; they're being whiny.

    I actually agree with you, but that's just the way people are, unfortunately. It's human nature. It's difficult for a lot of people to empathize with a stranger on the internet.

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  • some people are on their phone or tablet so they feel bothered to type long replies so they type the shortest reply possible. still this is not an excuse to be so rude.

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  • Because no one really cares about your problems but you.

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    • That's a fair point, but why do people give callous advice if they aren't adding anything helpful?

    • Well to be honest, it's because hyperbole is the language of the internet. You can't get your ass kicked by a computer, so people just let others have it over simple things.

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