My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two years. He is very sweet, friendly and loves having friends. Recently he started a new job and he has befriended a female co worker. I didn't know anything about this new friend. Yesterday I found out about her because she texted him "Happy New Years friend". When I looked through the messages I seen he went out with her to get food. He also asked if she wanted to go for drinks and did she think he was cute. He told me "I didn't tell you I befriended her because you would get upset and be mean to her". The co worker is younger and single with a child. My boyfriend loves kids also. Ok I do get jealous and upset but he previously had a female friend who was secretly interested in him. He stopped being friends with the old female friend. Sooo back to the present... He then claimed he was making friends with the co worker to possibly hook her up with his younger brother. This whole situation has me boggled. I really don't know what to do with him. I am in love with him but I don't trust him, I tried too but I honestly brought baggage in from a previous sour relationship. Even if he knew I would be upset and jealous over the knew female he befriended why wouldn't he still tell me? It Just makes it seem like he is hiding more stuff. He also expressed he was never going to cheat or plan too. Then he expressed he is sorry and I am the only girlfriend he ever cared about and now I'm leaving him. Why would he be sorry if it was just going to be a innocent friendship with the co worker? I'm like super exhausted and don't want to make the wrong decision. Any advice is much appreciated!
Most Helpful Guy
talk to him how how you feel. how this bothering you so much and do not mean to be so jealous and overly reactive to the whole situation. tell him how you dont want to make any wrong moves and that i struggle with this from my previous relationship. also talk about i need reassurance from you. i love you dearly and I dont want to be hurt. also with future friend I will make a better attempt to not be rude to future friends that are girls, but I need you to reassurance from you and complete honesty from you that you really care for me. sit down and have a conversation no distraction. do nt make him feel like he is being putting in the hot spot rather tell him i am struggling through something and I need you to understand where i am coming from. show you see his perspective too but also yours. if you love each other you guys will take the time see each other's perspective.0
Most Helpful Girl
I think it's time for you to dump the baggage from the previous relationship. If in two years your partner has been supportive and patient, catered to your insecurities and gotten rid of friends because you felt threatened then now is the time to make a choice.
Has he done enough to prove himself trustworthy except for this incident?
If he has, then move forward with the information you now have. Ask them to be open about their friendship instead of keeping it private, maybe suggest a double date with the brother and co-worker.
He didn't tell you because he doesn't trust you to be level headed and mature about it. Admitting that you would be upset and jealous if he had been honest, but now feeling betrayed that he omitted it is a bit of a lose lose situation. He hasn't gone out seeking female friends, they're co-workers who developed a more social bond. It's ok for him to have friends, but putting him in a no-win situation doesn't help either of you.
Good luck with it all, I hope you're able to find a way to deal with it whichever way you go 😊1