If a girl is not high maintenance but you don't really have feelings or passion towards her, would you still be with her?

I am with my girlfriends for two years. During this period, I have realized that we are not on the same page. She is from a foreign country with culture, interests and language that are different than mine. Thus, our communication is a problem (sometimes even got me frustrated and annoyed), we don't share any similar interests, and our life goals do not align.

But she is not a high maintenance person. she doesn't require any expensive gifts or fancy restaurants during special occasions, and she rally care for me, like cook for me and helps me with errands. I feel really bad that I dont feel the same back to her, she did all she as a good girlfriend. I really feel no sparks or passion between us. I even feel I am happier and more relaxed being alone.

we haven't spoke for 2 months now due to an argument of her being to dependent on me that causes me a lot of stresses on top of my own problem. i just can't decide, if i should continue with her, what would you guys choose, just as a reference. thank you all.

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you haven't spoken for 2 months are you sure she's still your girlfriend?

    If she is I would be honest. She deserves that, and you deserve to find someone you can find more positives about than a cheap maid that cooks.
    Communication is important, and being understood is too. If you don't have the same values and goals then can you imagine living like this long term? Having the same feelings (or lack of) in 5 years?

    You think it's good because you don't have to put in much effort or emotion, but she deserves more than that. Not money, but someone to show her that she is worth the time and effort it takes to plan dates or spoil on special occasions.
    I'd end it

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    • i haven't said we should break up or anything like that, there was just no communication even though she did text me after the argument. its not like i intentionally ignore her just to make her feel bad, but the point is me deciding if i want to continue. dont get me wrong, i see her more than just a cook maid, and on special occasion i would plan something, but i am saying there are times when there isn't any fancy plan for special occasion due to work and school, she wouldn't be pissed off like some of the girls out there, this is something i find rare, but at the same time... well, you know the other half. this is why i am having trouble deciding.

    • I don't agree. If my partner didn't speak with or contact me for two months we've broken up. The words don't need to be said - the inaction says enough

    • I understand... I guess it depends how different people look at it. Anyway, thanks for the input.

  • well, I was in the same situation last year, but my ex wasn't patient with me , he broke up with me. I think the biggest problem between you two is communication. I have been there, I wish I could talk with him more and told him my true feelings. from what you said , she is a good girl. if you want to get her back, then you should tell her your feelings and let her tell you her feelings, good communication is so important in a relationship. but if you don't want to invest any effort, then just leave find someone else, she is a good girl, she deserves happiness too.

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    • really not sure what to say to her anymore. before our argument, i have told her she should put effort into doing things herself because i got my own stuff to do too. she didn't even put effort into trying and already thinks she can't do it, which to me, it is like she telling me she will not change and will continue to be dependent on me. i am feeling tired and hopeless. there are not any responsibilities yet and i am already this stressful. what if one day i have my mortgage, car loans to pay and with children. i just feel her negative side has more impact towards me than her positive ones.

    • yes, I know this feeling. I was like this before, too many negative feelings, lost myself for him. and the stress made him break up with me. i wish I could realize it sooner, be myself and be positive. i regret a lot, but its too late. my ex got married. so here I think you two should take a break. see whether she can realize her problems, maybe she will change. then make a decision. now I think we should be sunflowers, spread sunshine, not darkness. we should be happy first, then everyone around us will feel the happiness and be happy. good luck!

    • Thanks for your opinion. Sorry for making you recall the bad times, but dont be too hard on yourself. I am sure it wasn't the best feeling for you as well as you relied on your ex too. I guess it is a lesson, an experience for us to improve ourselves? It is just part of life. Good luck to you too, thank again!

  • Be honest with yourself and her. Considering how good she has been, that is the least she deserves. Don't waste her time or yours if you are not into investing time and energy. Maybe you should put more effort into getting to know her. Do you share values on important matters in life? Do you see yourself in 20 more years together? It's better to rip the bandaid quick than hesitantly if your not willing to put in the work. Passion is something that goes both ways and we women, know when its lacking. So if she is with you for some secondary gain or is willing to put up with you despite the lack of effort, you should ask yourself can you live like that? good luck.

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    • but there is no guarantee there is another girl out there. i could probably meet a girl where we have so much chemistry, have aligned interests and life goals but she is a pain to please, more painful than just being too dependent.

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