I am married and have spent the last 3 weeks swapping messages with a married man. We met on a certain married dating site. We have met in person 3 times (on the last occasion we had sex).
My question is this...
How much should we be messaging? We message all day from waking up to going to bed. i have said i am not looking to leave my marriage and he says the same. Yet he messaged me Christmas day and NYE. Does he like me more than he lets on?
Most Helpful Guy
Sounds like a disastrous situation, I'm not saying this to give you grief either, there is so much that can go wrong and the damage that it will cause is pretty serious.
I don't know if either of you have kids, but both marriages could be destroyed if/when one or both of you get caught. You say that you both want to stay in your marriages, but you're willing to roll the dice and cheat on your partners? How much do you really want to stay in your marriage, and why be with someone if they don't make you happy and fulfilled?
Maybe this is an opportunity to decide which direction to go... either stay committed and faithful to the man you married, or be honest with him that the relationship isn't doing it for you and change the terms of (or end) the marriage.
To answer your direct question though, how much should we be messaging? None.
The whole moral part of it aside, how much evidence do you want existing? Worst case scenario lets say your husband (or this guys wife) stumbles upon an email or webpage left open or a text message that pops up, and now has access to your entire conversation with this person. At a certain point the anger and hurt probably don't get any worse, but just flip the script for a minute and imagine what your reaction would be if you found the text messages between your husband and another woman going back weeks or months, all day and all night, from when he was with you at a family Christmas party or when he took you out to dinner for your birthday, realizing that the text messages he kept excusing himself to check and respond to really weren't work related like he said...
Does he like you more than he lets on? Maybe...
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but you owe it to yourself and your partner to decide what you really want to do and go all the way, end the marriage and be free to date other guys or work on improving your marriage and remain honest and faithful to your husband.
Most Helpful Girl
Just because he messaged and texted you doesn't mean anything serious. Its the Holidays and people send friendly grettings to each other. He already told you that he isn't leaving his wife. So I wouldn't think to deep into it. You sound like you may be getting attached. I would advice limiting the times you contact him for awhile. Maybe once a week or once every few weeks. You dont want to get attached and he has a changed a heart and starts to feel that what he is doing is wrong, and cut you completely. You will be hurt then because you have gotten yourself attached.1