Married affair?

Please dont give grief, i know what im doing is wrong.
I am married and have spent the last 3 weeks swapping messages with a married man. We met on a certain married dating site. We have met in person 3 times (on the last occasion we had sex).
My question is this...
How much should we be messaging? We message all day from waking up to going to bed. i have said i am not looking to leave my marriage and he says the same. Yet he messaged me Christmas day and NYE. Does he like me more than he lets on?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like a disastrous situation, I'm not saying this to give you grief either, there is so much that can go wrong and the damage that it will cause is pretty serious.

    I don't know if either of you have kids, but both marriages could be destroyed if/when one or both of you get caught. You say that you both want to stay in your marriages, but you're willing to roll the dice and cheat on your partners? How much do you really want to stay in your marriage, and why be with someone if they don't make you happy and fulfilled?

    Maybe this is an opportunity to decide which direction to go... either stay committed and faithful to the man you married, or be honest with him that the relationship isn't doing it for you and change the terms of (or end) the marriage.

    To answer your direct question though, how much should we be messaging? None.

    The whole moral part of it aside, how much evidence do you want existing? Worst case scenario lets say your husband (or this guys wife) stumbles upon an email or webpage left open or a text message that pops up, and now has access to your entire conversation with this person. At a certain point the anger and hurt probably don't get any worse, but just flip the script for a minute and imagine what your reaction would be if you found the text messages between your husband and another woman going back weeks or months, all day and all night, from when he was with you at a family Christmas party or when he took you out to dinner for your birthday, realizing that the text messages he kept excusing himself to check and respond to really weren't work related like he said...

    Does he like you more than he lets on? Maybe...

    I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but you owe it to yourself and your partner to decide what you really want to do and go all the way, end the marriage and be free to date other guys or work on improving your marriage and remain honest and faithful to your husband.

    Good luck!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Just because he messaged and texted you doesn't mean anything serious. Its the Holidays and people send friendly grettings to each other. He already told you that he isn't leaving his wife. So I wouldn't think to deep into it. You sound like you may be getting attached. I would advice limiting the times you contact him for awhile. Maybe once a week or once every few weeks. You dont want to get attached and he has a changed a heart and starts to feel that what he is doing is wrong, and cut you completely. You will be hurt then because you have gotten yourself attached.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You are riding on a train headed for a wreck.

    Nothing good will come from what you are doing.

    If you are not happy in your marriage then end it. Then have your fun with the other sex.

    I am telling you this from personal experience. My first marriage my wife cheat on me for the last 2 through 11 years. The divorce not only cost me $57,000 and my business, our daughter comitted suicide because of it.

    My second marriage, where I was the one who cheated, cost the loss of our new house we bought right after we were married. The house was worth $131,000. When it sold due to a part of the divorce I ended up with a few thousand. I also ended up completely broke and am still paying monthly on a $7,400 dead horse. And my credit score, which was 831 before the divorce, now has a Poor rating. It is getting better which is a very slow process.

    Your selfish actions of violating the trust in your marriage will come to haunt your world. Believe me, it is not worth it.

  • QUIT DOING THIS. I'm telling this is not going to end well. You ABSOLUTELY cannot keep your marriage together if you keep it up with this man.

    If you are texting all the time YOU WILL GET CAUGHT. In fact, you can pretty much figure that you will get caught anyway.

    I implore you - read up on this, it's a disaster in the making. You're going to ruin your life, or his, and both of your families, your children, your husband, your parents.

    The feelings you are experiencing ARE ALL FAKE. There is absolutely no way married life can compete with the excitement of the affair. BUT IT DOES NOT LAST. Eventually it comes crashing down and when it does you're gonna go down with it.

    Just stop. Stop now. Discontinue communication. Never talk to him again. Never tell your mate. Never do this again.

    This is the time when you listen to someone that has been there done that, a bazillion times. IT IS NEVER WORTH IT.

  • God you're a piece of shit. At least have the decency to divorce your husband, for his sake.


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