It's been two months since the breakup and I don't feel like it's getting any easier. We were together for 4 years. It was a messy breakup and I am the dumpee. I haven't contacted him. We haven't spoken since the breakup. Sometimes I feel okay and then not okay. I cry at least once a day. I feel like the pain hasn't gotten any easier. How does one cope? Any advice?
Most Helpful Guy
I'm partially plagiarizing the last opinion I just posted to another question, but the answer (IMO) is the same...
You discovered that the relationship you were in was not the right one, and it sucks. There's not much that can be said to make this less painful than it is, but give it time. Not only does the sting wear off, but you will recreate your life with new friends, and eventually a new boyfriend, and things will be better than they ever were before. You will be able to look back and think to yourself "Wow, that hurt at the time but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise!"
Life has it's ups and downs, this is a big downer but don't let it destroy you. Move on from it and look towards the future with your head up and eventually a smile on your face. Learn from it, and don't dwell on it.
Get busy with activities and friends... Use some of the free time you have now to get a gym membership and start working out or start volunteering at an animal shelter, spend more time with friends who you haven't been spending as much time with as you used to and start building new friendships with new people from work or school or other social circles...
What you want to avoid is idle time. Moping around for the rest of time isn't going to bring you ANY happiness, and the sooner dust yourself off and move on with your life the sooner the pain you're feeling now will go away and the sooner you'll be back to truly happy.
Keep moving forward! You can move on. One step, one day at a time! :-)1
Most Helpful Girl
Four years is a long time , so it's inevitable it'll take a while to heal from the pain. When a relationship ends you go through a grieving process, because you feel a sense of loss, not only have you lost the person you love , you are grieving the loss of a future you envisioned together. The plans you made of a life together
You now face the daunting task of rebuilding your life, a new future without him being part of it anymore. That's not easy to let go of.
People tend to feed memories by reminiscing on the past and dwelling on what could've/should've been, but that just feeds your pain by keeping it constantly raw
The only way to let go of someone is to keep your mind occupied on things other than him , and focus your attention on building new memorires without him. Remove all traces of him from your life, by cutting all means of contact and destroying all messages , pictures or anything of sentimental value. Gradually your memories will fade so the pain will ease.
People often say time heals pain, but that's untrue because it's what you do with your time that heals it. That's why it's important to keep busy and active, and remove a traces of him from your life. If not, you'll never fully move on from him.0