My ex girlfriend recently broke up with me. I really need some help, insight and adviceon getting her back?

So my ex girlfriend recently broke up with me and told me she didn't feel an connection in an intimate way anymore. I am 38 she is 32. We were together for 2months. We have so much in common, We were always together. Always had a great time and great convo. No fights ever! We took a trip for New Years. The last two days I noticed she was acting differently. She said nothing was wrong, but something was. We get back and I gave her space. Next day she told me "we need to talk" she tells me that she feels like she "lost the intimate connection" with me and doesn't feel the same way anymore. I didn't fight beg or plead her on it she was honest. I did the opposite and just "accepted it" she told me that she still wants to be "friends" I said that's fine. So I went NC on her for 8days. Two days ago she texted me, So that felt good. Then she texted me yesterday and we talked for a bit again and on the phone. I asked her if she would be openminded to "us" possibly getting back together down the road. She said sure anything is possible! Feelings change.

So my question to you girls and guys is... what is the best course of action to take in my situation? Should I heal for a few weeks and then try and build a friendship with her and see where the future takes us? Or should I start no contact again and see other people in the meantime and live my life and then contact her in the future with the possibility of us getting back together? I know if I don't text her she will call or text me to see how I'm doing. I'm just so confused and broken down by all this. I actually thought to myself if this relationship keeps going on amazingly like this for a while I could even picture marriage and a kids with her in our future. Which is something by the way that I have never thought about with ANY other person I've been in a relationship with before. So please help!!! What should I do about all this? Is there a possibility we could be together again given the nature of our relationship?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Some people like to be very harsh but I understand how hard it is. I say for right now, NC is best. She will not be able to miss your presence if you're still around in any way shape or form. Seeing other people in between is up to you but I suggest not having a rebound as it isn't fair to you or to the rebound. I say do NC for a month since you last spoke, if she tries to contact you during the month, don't reply until the month is up. If she hasn't contacted you, do it for another month until you are fully healed. On the bright side, she isn't closing the door! But being friends right now isn't going to be beneficial and it's not what you want so don't friendzone yourself

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    • @mrchmi

      Thank you for your thoughtful advice. I really appreciate it! I agree people can be harsh but I put it out there so I can take the responses that come. It's always good to get the views of many people, so I appreciate that. It is hard right now. Things going from unbelieveably great to piss poor in a matter of a couple days. Quite the roller coaster of emotions. The guy that I was chatting with yesterday had really good advice and I'm going to use that but like you said I also think NC is the best for me right now as it will give us a break and a chance for her to need me and not be available to her. I went 8days of NC when she broke up with me. I didn't beg, plead or text her. I just accepted it and started no contact. It was painful but she texted me on the 8th day to find out now I was doing. Was her reason. So either that was true or she also missed me too, I'm guessing a little of both. Cause we did have a great relationship and never had a fight , argument or issue.

    • My friends tell me to go out and date, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that and I wouldn't want to put another person in the same position I'm in. It's just not fair to anyone. So I haven't spoke to her since Thursday night so I guess I will start back with the no contact again. However I did ask her if she wanted to hang out tonight, but she's been exhausted from work and it may just be a blessing in disguise. If she does text I'll just tell her I made other plans and just not go. Yes I agree! The bright side is she hasn't closed any doors and she actually said she was open minded about things in the future. I really care about her and I'm not trying to be a dick to her. But I agree with you I don't want to friendzone myself either. I'm just going to take it day by day and see what develops. After the no contact time I will see if her feelings have changed and maybe we can reset and start over. Fingers crossed! Anymore advice you have I would appreciate it! Thanks again!

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the best course of action is the later. Don't become her friend though, that's not what you want and as long as you give her the attention you used to give her she's ot going to want you back since she's getting the best of both worlds. My advice is to go no contact until she contacts you then set up a date, treat her as if you two just started dating. You also need to be upfront and honest with her. Tell her that you can't be friends with her because you want something more and it's not fair to the two of you and that if she ever changes her mind to let you know.

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    • You're right I don't think I can be her friend especially since I want to get back with her. She'll still have her attention and I will have just a friend. Not what I want. I'll still have those feelings for her and it will be hard to separate that from just friendship. I do need to tell her that I can't be friends with her and just let time take its course. I went no contact with her for 8 days since we broke up and just a couple days ago she texted me so we started talking. She wanted to see how I was doing. So I told her things were good. I guess I should go back to the no contact thing and let myself heal and give her time to miss me maybe her feelings will change. She's a really good woman. We never fought always had fun. It just sucks. Oh yea did I mention she's a therapist. lol so she's all up in her thoughts.

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    • @jemjem2017

      Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I really hope she decides to change her mind and come back. If she does I can promise you I will not be letting her go this time. She's an amazing woman and I told her that I see a future with her and I do t want to give up on a great thing. I will keep up the prayers and hopefully god will answer them one day. I know he works in mysterious ways. As for now I will keep myself busy and keep on doing what I love. Hopefully she will have a change of heart in the meantime.

    • I understand if she says that there's nothing I can do at that point but stand my own ground also. I mean right now I don't want to push anything with her she already told me that she doesn't have those feelings for me and I can't change that I told her I respect it and there's nothing I can do to change it so I'm not going to fight her on it. So should I do the NC and wait a month with her and try to approach it that way? Maybe that would get a better response. It will show that I am standing my ground but also respecting her and her space and maybe open the door to a date. Instead of just hanging out as friends. I get what you're saying if we do go out to make it seem datey and not just two friends hanging out. I will just keep it fun and not open up about it. If it goes bad should I just try it again and try to break her walls down? She's a tough one and I know it will take a little time and work to get to her. It took me a few dates to open her up when we first started dating

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What Girls Said 1

  • if you both genuinely want to be together/make each other top priority, it'll happen. the reason you two broke up was because one person didn't want to work it out. it's that simple.

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    • We always did. We were always together and happy. We never had one fight, argument or anything. At this point I am will to do that but she is not. She said she's open to the possibility of getting together in the future but for now she says she doesn't have those feelings for me and just wants to be friends for now.

What Guys Said 1

  • You dated for 2 months, you rushed into a relationship without knowing each other, she discovered that it was a mistake and she decided to move on. She is only being polite to you. The odds of a reunion are extremely remote. She probably already has someone else who has grabbed her attention. Learn your lesson and move on. The next time, take it slower!

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    • 100% agree with this

    • We actually didn't rush into a relationship. We dated a month and then got together the next. She has been nothing but honest to me the entire time so if it was just a mistake she would have the decency to tell me. We were always transparent with each other. She doesn't have anyone that grabbed her attention. she's not going to date for a while we discussed it. I'm hoping there is a chance for a reunion. I'm an optimist about things. We had a great relationship while it lasted. But you're right, we should have taken it slower. And yes, I will definitely learn my lesson.

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