Which is harder? To break up, or to be broken up with?

So many people assume that you shouldn't be as hurt if you're the one who's breaking it off... but having just gone through breaking up with someone myself, I don't see how anything could be harder than this. On top of the grieving of the relationship and missing the other person, there's a huge sense of guilt in knowing that you're causing all of this, and that there's no one to blame but yourself, even if the reasons for calling it off were legit.

I would much rather be the one who's been dumped, rather than do the dumping...

  • To be the one initiating the break up
    Vote A
  • To be broken up with
    Vote B
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I've never had a relationship so I've never had a break up. But I've had situations where I ended it with girls I was seeing and ones who ended it with me and I say ones where they ended it with me whether they ghosted me or just flat out said excuses, sorry this isn't working out or I'm not interested in pursuing this.

    While hearing I'm not interested anymore is better than being ghosted, you still over analyze and wonder what the fuck you did for them to end it with you. If they ended it with you, it was for a reason.

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    • Thanks for most helpful guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • Both are painful because no one wants a relationship to fail. In both scenarios you feel a sense of loss and you miss the person being part of your life. Yiu have to rebuild your life either way , but I do think being when your SO ends the relationship it's so much more painful because you feel rejected , and rejection is excruciatingly painful. You don't face the pain of rejection if you end it yourself , your partner does

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • I never needed a year to get over breaking up with someone!

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  • The be broken up with. It leaves you feeling blindsided and wondering what the fuck happened. Where breaking up you know the reason.

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  • It's really hard to say "Welcome to dumpsville, population YOU".
    Or the 3 simple words "I am Gay".

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  • I've felt the pain of both. It's hard to say which. But I would say that when you do the breaking up it's a little easier to get your mind off it.

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  • To get dumped would be harder especially if you thought every thing was perfect but your partner thought differently so could be a emotional shock

    As for breaking up the hardest part is worrying about the reaction and questions your going to receive especially if you had feelings for them

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  • Breaking up is easy. Just text her and say "Let's break up." Then it's over with just like that. Simple. You never have to see her again. And if she keeps texting or calling you after that then just block her number.

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  • I can't tell tou how it is in general but to me it's definitely the one who is being broken up with. My two girlfriends both broke it off via Whatsapp so that was really quite hurtful.

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  • both are equally painful... at least for me that was...

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  • To be broken up with because many times, the one initiating it made a comfortable decision, while the other one didn't see it coming.

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    • Could be that they were in love with the person but still knew it was the right decision to call it off...

  • Both hurt.

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  • Im with you, to watch someone go from cloud 9 to rock bottom is heartbreaking. Then you have to sit through the tears, the 30 minutes of silence, more tears, questions, bargaining, begging. Through all that shit i just wanna yell April fuckin fools and pretend its the shittiest joke ever.
    I've been broken up with... Once and i just shrugged and said "no shit? alright." im easy to break up with but damn is it devastating to do

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  • I guess initiating the break up process is harder. Yeah. What about you? I have a question, do you like when guys shave their whole body including legs over very hairy man?

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  • It depends. My ex lost feelings for me and kept being more and more distant. Eventually I had to end it because it was tearing me apart. It def hurt me to do it more than her (I think). Especially because I did not want to break up.

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    • I feel you on that I had to break it off with my ex but I knew it was the right thing to do because he was such an asshole and a narcissist.

What Girls Said 5

  • It all depends, I broke up w/my ex and it was very hard to do, I still loved him, but I was sick of being mistreated. In some cases the dumper doesn't suffer and in others the one being dumped doesn't suffer. It isn't shallow to stop something from hurting you, I have no guilt leaving my ex. I didn't do it in a humiliating way, I broke up w/him in person, in private. From my experience a break up isn't the only thing that ended the relationship, when you already reached that point, the relationship was already doomed. The break up isn't the cause all to heartbreak, there was something already happening that was causing that heartbreak. Never feel guilty for breaking it off w/someone that is causing you emotional/mental/physical pain. It takes an extremely strong person to break up w/someone they love, if they don't the other person will drag them through the ringer.

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  • I think each is as bad as the other if you don't want the relationship to end or if you still have feelings for your partner.

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  • Both situations suck honestly
    Hang in there

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  • To be broken up with.

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  • I've dumped others and I've been dumped before. BOTH sucks. I still felt terrible that things didn't work out (whether I dumped him or he dumped me) but I felt slightly worst when I got dumped. lol

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