Breaking up due to my mental health worsening? Will he cut me off?

So I've been dating my boyfriend for a while now, and we both love each other. It's not that I don't cherish him anymore.

However, my depression has hit me hard the past few months in an awful relapse, it's been worse than ever and I'm going really downhill. I keep feeling too stressed and tired to make plans with him due to the sadness.

I'm constantly crying, and even though he says he can put up with my breakdowns and long periods of isolation, the guilt is eating me up. I feel like I'm not ready for a relationship in my life at the moment, so I want to go back to being good friends with him.

But my biggest fear that has been haunting me is that he won't want to be my friend anymore, he'll ignore me and shut me out or get angry that I want to break up. Tho he said that would never happen, it scares me because we've been friends for so long

If your partner broke up due to these circumstances, would you shut them out? I really need some closure because I'm terrified. It's not like it's because of him too.


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What Guys Said 1

  • First off im sincerely sorry that you're experiencing this, we certainly all have our struggles, and I honestly wish you nothing but the best going forward. I'm rooting for you to drop depression like Frazier in the 2nd!

    Ok corny boxing jokes aside. Having said that, in my opinion this puts the man your seeing in somewhat of an awkward position. Most men, myself included, are progress oriented creatures. Meaning, we tend to get un comfortable if we feel like we're spinning our wheels with no general goal in sight.

    From what I understand, I get the impression you still have deep feelings for him and would prefer to continue the relationship if your were clear headed? Please correct me if I'm wrong on that.

    Provided what I stated above is accurate, how should he conduct himself to remain respectful and available to you while perhaps attempting to heal his own wounds of an ended relationship and make the first steps toward moving on?

    Not that moving on NEEDS to be a scenario in which all communication is cut off once the proverbial plug is pulled, but in general, the more frequent the contact, the harder it is to achieve closure (in my opinion).

    I know it'll be hard to surrender portions of your "dating" relationship to attempt to gain some closure and maybe potentially forge a "friend-like" relationship with him. But in my experience these things take time, and sometimes, it just isn't appropriate to be close friends with people you've dated in the past, and that's ok, doesn't mean you've lost any respect or admiration for them.

    I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for you in the end as long as you keep making the effort to listen and reach out 🙂

    Just some things to think about.

    Again, all the best!

    • Thank you for the kind words, it truly means a lot. And I don't know how long my recovery will take, that's why I want him to find someone else for now. However, if I recovered and he was available at the time than yes, I would want to try again if he was up for it. But all I care about right now is being connected in the future. I understand he'll need space for a little, and I'm willing to give that, but eventually I would like to go back to being close friends once he has his peace. Now I'm scared he'll cut me for good.

    • It's great to hear that you're willing to give him some space. That's really considerate of you as far as I'm concerned.

      As far as being afraid of him cutting you out, in my experience the more you worry about what people may potentially do in the future the more you paralyze yourself with fear.

      I was axed outta my ex's life, did it suck for a while? Hell ya. But eventually (like years down the road) I began to realize how awesome it was that I was able to to learn so much about myself from that relationship and that, armed with that knowledge, I've been given the opportunity to start anew with someone else, and to attempt to make it better this time around.

      That sole revelation has kept driving me to improve myself so that I'll be better suited to live my life for someone other than myself and be willing to make the appropriate sacrifices when it comes to having a romantic relationship with someone.

      Not saying you'll go through the same thing, just telling you my experiences.

What Girls Said 2

  • You need to do what's best for you. Just break it off and be clear that you're not in a good head space to be the girlfriend you would like to be for him. If he doesn't want to be your friend or talk to you for a while, you can't blame him as he also has the right to be hurt and heal on his own before you two are friends again.

    Just talk to him.. I'm sure he loves you and will try to understand even if it hurts.

  • I think I was with a guy like this, but I'll never be sure. The most important thing for you to do if you feel you want to go back to him one day when you're ready, is to end the relationship on a good note. Be nice to him. Do not make it seem as though you're pushing him away, and do not lash out on him. Additionally, if you do not speak to him for several months on end (even if it's just as friends), he will believe you are not interested in him. So while I feel it's okay to take a break for now, you have to know how to do it correctly.

    • I plan to break up with him as kindly as possible, I'm probably going to start crying while I hug him too. But even tho I'm breaking up, I don't plan on ignoring him. I just won't be around him everyday making dates, since relationships come with expectations for quality time, while a friendship gives you more breathing space. So as a friend I'd like to talk to him 3 times a week and not make him feel like I'm cutting him off, because I still cherish him so much

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