Is boyfriend crazy for dumping me for not putting in enough effort?

My boyfriend dumped me. We saw each other every 10-14 days. He said he was ok with that but was unhappy that I barely text or call him in between visits. I admit I texted and called a lot when we first met. But once things settled down I felt I had nothing good to say and I need lots of solitude. He didn't text much either because he tried to give me space. Then he I missed his texts and calls yesterday and got distracted. So he sends me this long breakup text saying I don't seem capable of having a real relationship and he loves me but has to call it quits.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • To be fair I'd be with him on this. I don't want a relationship with someone who barely try's to contact me or make the effort to talk. If you need lots of solitude don't waist a guys time.

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    • I agree with this guy

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    • well he might have been on the brink and that was the straw that broke the camels back

    • He isn't unstable, he is fed up. Did you agree to go w/him? If not I can totally understand where he is coming from. You barely want to see him or text him and you expect him to be there like an obedient dog when you want. Why should he stay w/someone who won't even spare any time w/him. He is better off single and finding a girl who is willing to reciprocate the type of relationship he wants.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he may have been right, because clearly one person needed more time than the other was willing to give. It's not your fault, but maybe you need a different kind of partner. He's not crazy if he breaks up with you because he needs more than you can give

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    • But why was he just telling me 24 hours ago that he misses me and wanted to make plans? Why so up and down. Seems unstable. I just got busy.

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    • @jackiebuena i'd guess that interrest in making plans was a last ditch effort to try to do something. A final chance for you to be interested. So he had probably decided on breaking up before he wanted to make plans, but gave you that one last shot at making things right.

    • ooo thats a good point

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What Guys Said 2

  • I would have dumped you too. There is no reason to only seeing your boyfriend once every 1-2 weeks or not even keeping in contact. I lived 2.5 hours away from my ex for the first 6 months and we still saw each other multiple times a week. She worked full time and I'm in med school so we were both very busy. When I'm in a relationship I expect to see my girlfriend multiple times a week.

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  • I think the issue is not about effort.

    I think you're more introverted and enjoy more alone time than he does. That made you a poor match.

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What Girls Said 1

  • No he isn't crazy, when you date someone, you need to put in effort to keep in touch w/the person. If you don't, your partner will think you lost interest or that you are taking them for granted. Not texting much in between 2 week visits, doesn't show that you are invested. I think you didn't care for him as much as he cared for you, otherwise you would find things to text and you would make an effort to see him a lot more. What you have is not a relationship, just seems something convenient for you, no one wants to be someone's convenience.

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