How do you deal with a breakup when you're the one who ended it, and are being blamed for everything that went wrong, even when that's not the case?

My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. At the beginning, it was great. There was plenty of love and happiness. However, he had some issues. He had a quick temper, he was insecure, and often mean. In our final months, there was nonstop turmoil. He wanted to travel around the world and be a rock star, but an unstable life is not something I ever wanted. I suggested compromise (Taking smaller trips throughout college and dealing with his rock star achievements when we got there), but he got mad and told me that I was trying to change him and push him down. What he failed to realize was that he was doing the exact same thing. I told him that, trying to get everything out in the open, but he just got mad and proceeded to tell me that I don't love him as much as he loves me because I was not willing to push aside everything else in my life for him. He discredited my love for him, and played the victim. He made me believe that my beliefs and desires for stability were anxieties, and he said that we could stay together so he could help me "fix my problems". Realizing that he wasn't going to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't the only one in the wrong, and the fact that he needed time to figure out who he was and what he wanted, I ended things. However, now he is directing all of his anger towards me, and is making everyone agree that I am the bad guy. We have been together for so long that my school life has become intertwined in his, and now I am losing those who I had trusted and loved. Is it possible for us to be just friends, when we weren't friends before the relationship, and the way things ended? Is he spewing misdirected anger at me, or is it justified? Did I make the right choice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I honestly feel as though you made the right choice. I went through the same thing with a guy for 2 years. In the beginning it was great honestly. Then arguments about things non stop. He wanted to pursue his music career I wanted to go to college. Major disagreements. He wanted to put everything on me as if I had caused the problems when it wasn't JUST me. it takes two to Tango. If YOU weren't happy with him then you made a great decision. Regardless of how he feels its about YOU. A friendship could maybe be in the future but let the negative tension between you two settle. He is just hurt right now.

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    • Thank you. The hardest thing is dealing with him making me the bad guy. It was hard for me to realize that this was for the best, because I still love him.

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