He's not over his ex-girlfriend yet.. please help!

OK, so I am unofficially dating this guy right now that I met 3 weeks ago.

Here’s the downside: He has admitted he isn’t over his ex yet, she cheated on him. He told me to not wait for him over the summer and that I deserve better because he is “messed up” and afraid of getting hurt again (all exes have cheated on him).

The upside: Although he hasn’t officially asked me out (due to being afraid of getting hurt again and wanting to get over that girl) he acts like we’re dating and treats me great. He introduces me to his close friends as his “fiancé” as a joke since I’m not his girlfriend yet. He takes me out on wonderful surprise dates, nothing too fancy just stuff he wants to show me (his hobbies). We’re separated a state apart right now but he chats with me every night and gives me so much positive attention. He also plans to drive up and see me asap because he misses me.We have done some sexual stuff, but he definitely still treats me like he values me emotionally. He talks with me everyday too since we've been apart.

What worries me though is that he dated a girl immediately after her for 8 months! and he admitted that he wasn't as invested in her as he should have been because of that ex. He also said briefly one time that the ex he's not over "may still like him." I really do like him and don't want to mess things up.. what's the best option right now?


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What Guys Said 2

  • At first your situation sounded a lot like how me and my girl started -

    I wasn't over my ex and told her pretty much the same thing, I wasn't looking for anything so not to bother, but she stuck by me. We hung out all the time and just talked everyday and just over time we started dating.

    To get to the point, we have been together for over 5 years and no one knows me like she does.

    So in my opinion, if you want to stick beside him and be there for each other I think it might become a pretty good thing = )

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    • Wow, that is very encouraging. Thanks. :) Do you think we should stop with the dates and the sexual side though since you said you and your girl only hung out and talked? I'm afraid of him thinking a step backwards with me though means I don't like him though, which isn't the case.

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    • Very awesome.. I truly hope things work out between us, he's a great catch and I want to make him see that for himself. :)

      ..and I'm a city girl but I still know how to treat a gentleman correctly! hehe

    • I think them city girls no how to treat man better then others = ) I hope it all works out for the two of you also. I would love for you to keep us posted on the situation - Before you know it, he'll be down on one knee asking you that big question = ) Have a good day -

  • He's really mixed up. Avoid pushing him.

    In fact, it may be a wise choice to give him room. Forever.

    Calling you his “fiancé" when it's not true says that he doesn't believe his words have the impact that they do. This is a red flag.

    "the ex he's not over "may still like him."" is a recipe for disaster.

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    • Hmm. I know I could be setting myself up to be hurt. But I also feel that if I don't risk it I will always wonder if I let a really good guy go. I'm walking in with a cautious, smart attitude and know ahead of time I may get left aside. It won't allow all bad feelings to reside, but at least I know it was my choice and not do to my inadequacy. I feel like I won't make any proper or drastic adjustments until the fall when we see each other on a regular basis again.

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