My girlfriend's ex husband uses their child in a manipulative way to try and get back in a relationship with her. She needs advice what do I tell her?

Theyve been divorced for several years but he is trying to get back with her. When she tries to talk to him about their child he turns it around to talk about him wanting her back. He's refused to help her with the child unless she will be with him. She feels uncomfortable going by his house to drop the chile off because he always insists on talking about getting back together. She's told him several times she doesn't love him anymore and she wants to be with someone who makes her happy, but he seems to refuse to listen.

How does she convince him it's over and she has no interest in him, and how does she get him to be more supportive? It's hard for her being a single parent.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think him using their child as an incentive is childish (no i'm not trying to crack jokes here). Nothing good is ever going to come from it. He is trying to manipulative. I'm sure he is creating more issues than necessary. Just cut him off. He doesn't need to have a relationship with his child, if he doesn't put his child first.

    "He's refused to help her with the child unless she will be with him" that should say a lot.

    What is your relation with her child? Do you have a good relationship with her child? Do you love her child as if he/she were your own? Then she doesn't need her ex husband. She has you, and that is all that really matters. If you can provide her and her child with the support and love, then you're honestly a top bloke.

    • I agree it's childish. We are at very early stages of our relationship, but the few times I've interacted with the child it's been very positive.


    • Slowly but surely

Most Helpful Guy

  • She can go to the courts to negotiate a custody agreement that will penalize him for refusing to support his child in the event something does happen. Tell her to talk to her lawyer for an hour or so, just to get council on how she should deal with her concerns. Have her tell him the situation right now and what she is afraid of, then ask what she should do. Lawyer may have a very different, but useful answer on the matter.

    My gut reaction to this is for her to toughen up with him and next time he brings it up, just say 'No. that's not going to happen". No modifiers of "I want to be with someone that makes me happy". She needs to only say, "I don't want to be with you. No". If that leads to trouble, then she can easily take this to the courts if he doesn't pay or offer the support they originally agreed upon.

    • Thanks. You're probably correct that there's a legal option. I suspect she was trying to go the route that didn't involve expenses like legal fees first. But, I agree that a lawyer can probably straighten things out quickly.

      She's tried be very direct with him and or avoiding him when he becomes intolerable, but due to the child she tries to keep open communication when she feels things have subsided or the child hasn't interacted with him,... but it all starts back up again.

    • Show All
    • Very true lol sorry 🙈🙊

    • What'd you two end up doing?

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What Girls Said 2

  • She can't. The best she can do is to just ignore his advances and do her best to keeo the topic on their child.

    • Thanks. I did mention that in a nutshell. Though I told her she should try to explain to him how unhappy she is with him, and that there is no love. But, I know she's done so already. He just keeps being insistent that they should be a family again. I read a similar suggestion in another forum online.

  • Well she needs to be straigh with him. And if not explain to social services

    • Thanks. Yes she's tried several times, but it seems every time she needs to contact him to discuss something about the child he will turn it into a conversation about why they should get back together.

      He tries to put her on a guilt trip by saying if we were together then life would be so much easier for you and the child. She's a very straight up and direct person but tries to keep a civilized relation (not amicable) for the child's sake.

    • Well then social services needs ti be involved if he's not putting the child before that

What Guys Said 1

  • You should find a woman without so much baggage.


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