Help, I drove him away!!

OK iv been with my MR for nearly 1yr and a half, He cheated in the 1st 3months I forgave him now 12 months on I'm still paranoid I can't let it go when he goes out with his friend I panic, cause arguments, fight with him over every thing, FIND ANY EXCUSE TO MAKE HIM SAY SORRY, I know I'm a weirdo!...You will never believe how much I love this man, I cook clean wash iron absolutely dote on him. BUT THEN WEN HE WANTS out WW3!...He came home on sat with glitter on his face and messages on his phone unknown number, All has been explained I called the numbers it was his cousin. I flipped out and now he said he will talk to me but he won't see me for a few weeks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You messed up by taking him back after he cheated.

    You will never fully trust him again. Once a trust is broken in that way, much like your virginity, once lost it will never come back.

    When someone spills a drink and you forgive them for the mess do you still get nervous when you see them with a drink a year later...no, that's because you have forgiven them and gotten over it. When someone cheats it will always linger in the back of your mind.

    If you are going to try to keep him in your life. You are going to have to force yourself to trust him. When he comes in with glitter on his face or smelling like another woman instead of reacting (the way you want to) either ask him politely and no matter what his answer accept it or just don't ask at all. Either way I think it's going to eat you up inside as it obviously has. I'd still say move on. Cheating is becoming more tolerated and I think that is the first mistake people make. Do not tolerate it.

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What Guys Said 1

  • leave him why would you want to be with a cheater. there are good talented men in the world. if your with him you won't find them

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you need to seriously consider a few things if you are going to continue to have a relationship with this man. First, he cheated in the beginning, you found it in your heart to forgive him but you HAVEN'T moved forward. Betrayal, cheating and lying are all devastating and ruin many relationships. The fact that you forgave him means that you need to do that, rebuild trust and rebuild your relationship. It's not fair to him or yourself to keep castigating him for something that happened a year ago. If his demeanor, actions or whatever seem shady then you need to step back, take a deep breath and evaluate the situation as rationally as possible before accusations start to fly. This is why he took flight because he is constantly under the microscope.

    Give him space and take the time to regroup yourself. Make a serious promise to yourself, and him that the past will be kept there and you will focus on the future only. This means starting fresh with no turning back. If you honestly can do this then call your boyfriend and have a frank discussion. Acknowledge and apologize to him and specifically tell him that you want to make things work, what you are willing to do, how you will do it and then carry it out consistently. Understand that he will be hesitant and will need time to truly internalize that you mean it. Be patient and give him that time.

    Best of luck.

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