How to handle your ex going with someone else?

Me and my ex went out for a year and half. I was absolutely smitten her and I was so sure that feeling was reciprocated, she'd said even so. The whole thing was like it was meant to be. I put a lot of effort in to it, bought her flowers, took her out for meals etc, treated her like a princess, compromised, loads. I just didn’t over do it so it didn’t lose the value of the gestures.

Anyway, 2 months ago, she went out, kissed another lad. She told me straight away and I forgave her after few days.

Then, 2 weeks later, I was dumped. I got the whole, I want to stay friends stuff, and we remained in contact up until a few week ago.

Found out today, the boy she cheated on me with, she's seen him again. I don’t know how many times or what is going on there. And perhaps if it was anyone else, I wouldn’t be as bothered, but just the fact it’s him, it angers me so much. I figure this could be why she refuses to be civil or polite to me, or even meet up before we leave for summer and probably won’t see each other again.

The only other thing I know about the guy is, ‘he’s quite the player’. I feel like this whole thing is l point scoring, except she doesn't need to. Her mates are nasty about it too.

How should I react? I feel I need to explode. I feel I need to say how insulting it is. But then part of me is telling me to not react... a sh*t position.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I will retell you how I dumbed my bfriend.

    One day I woke up, and I dind't see anything in him, I didn't feel anything to him. So I decided I can't stand him anymore. So I sent him a text, that I want to meet and talk about something. I went there, I was sure I don't want him anymore. But it was really hard for me to say. I couldn't look inhis eyes and he glanced at me, I felt like I lost my tongue or what :). Then he asked me if I want to break up with him, I said yes and I felt very very guilty.

    He wasn't mad or what. Everything was ok. But then I had to talk to him. I sent him a text message and an email and I was tryin to talk to him, not because I wanted him back, just cause I felt like I hurt him, I wanted to know how is he doing. No reply, no answer.

    Few moths later, we started to talk to each other and we are good friends, I like him.

    What I think, is that your ex is trying to skip all that phase of "feeling guilty" and she will be able to talk to you in few weeks, don't worry.

    I don't believe that you will get her back, but you didn't do anything wrong.

    Maybe she cheated because she though you will be mad and you will break up with her.

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    • I see, that's quite the situation too.

      You could be right I suppose. There is no intinsion of mine to get back tohether with her, I would kick myself if I did. However, I miss having her there to chat to becuase we could tell each other everything. Even if its just phone calls. But I supose aswelll, if that happens now, I could easily fall back into right where I don't want to be again.

      How is your friendship now? I alwyas thought it would be very hard to stay friends.

    • Well, it's not like we are the best friends ever. I completely understand what you say. I missed his jokes, his stupid comments and all the "friend part" of our relationship. Now we rarely meet, we used to chat sometimes, but I finally moved on when I started to date new boyfriend.

      Anyway, he's still very nice, he helps me when I'm in need and so...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • It is really hard when you feel that you are making every effort but aren't getting the result you expected. I have the impression, that she fell out of love. Her saying that she wants to be friends affirms that.Her saying that she wants to be friends affirms that. I can only speak for myself, but I know that the relationship is over when he is not the first thing that I think about, when I wake up, when I'm indifferent or even annoyed by the though of seeing or talking to him and when I fantasize would it would be like to be single again. Then I know that it is time to break up with a guy, because I believe that staying in a relationship would be unfair. Unless he did something that hurt my feelings so bad that I cannot possibly be with him anymore. Breaking up is never easy, at least not for me. It doesn't matter if I'm the one breaking up or if it is the partner that ends the relationship, when you have been together for some time, you don't want to hurt the other person. and if I say that I want to try to be friends, I mean it (although that takes time and is very complicated, so don't expect to much from it).

    By the looks of things, it was not your fault that your girlfriends feelings changed, so don't blame yourself. I would love it if somebody (older than you, haha) treated me the way you treated your girlfriend... But we cannot control other peoples emotions, soI guess you have to accept her decision. It's ok if you guys talk but only if it does not hurt your feelings. If you feel bad afterwards, I would suggest laying low for a while and give each other some space. Maybe you can interact more openly with each other after some time has passed. Maybe not being available all the time will show her what she has lost (but please do not get your hopes up!).

    Don't give up, I'm sure a girl will come along, that appreciates you for who you are and the way you love her! Good luck!

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  • maybe she really did like you and it's super hard for her to get over you

    some times for me, it's super hard for me to become so close to someone I can't really see myself with

    I don't want to keep him hanging on so I dump him or tell him we should compeltely cut off ties so I can get over you

    maybe you need to get over her too, and when she sees that you are completely over her she will continue to talk to you

    time to move on?

    but some times, it's better to do this for girls to help girls move on, because they liked you so much but they just can't seem to picture themselves with you adn they don't want to hurt you... so they want to stay away from you

    1. to get over you

    2. so you won't get hurt anymore!

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  • She probably was but after she just has no feelings for you anymore. I'm guessing it was after she kissed the guy she realized it. Girls who kiss another guy while in a relationship and have true deep feelings for him they immediately feel extremely guilty and expect the guy not to forgive them for it therefore she trys to make it up to him. Its really hard to forget a person after having them beside you for a long time. But just forget about her, it seems she moved on pretty quick and if you do forgive her for ignoring you and not even texting you just seem too nice and you are basically showing to her that she can bend you however she wants to just because you really love her.

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  • Perhaps she just fell out of love... there doesn't have to be a reason for things. Some things just happen. He caught her eye... they had chemistry. Be glad she didn't play you and she broke up with you. Learn to appreciate that. She didn't lie. She didn't misuse you in any way. And I'm sure she feels bad for hurting you but she's being honest. The last thing you want is for a woman to pretend she's happy. That wouldn't last either. I'm sorry...maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

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    • I agree with that, to an extent. Chemistry however must be rubbish... I've been told this guy gets him self around, and not too long ago he slept with someone I know.. But you cud be right. Either way, I know how she's gone on about the break up and its a long way from being the right way.

  • i know how you feel I may be younger than you but the boy I was going out with for on and off a year finished me and got with some-one it's hard to know he's with some-one but you have to think that your relationship ended for a reason and to know were it went wrong and in your next relationship not to let it happened again talk to your ex and let her know how she made you feel and if the other guy is a player then she'll end up getting hurt and want to back you have to think should I take her back or moved on feel better soon you shouldn't be sad it over but happy it happened. xx

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  • shes confused and trying to explore her options and girls are confusing ..yes we are lol. she's probably tryin to chase down her "i want a bad boy" thing right now.. last on in life she'll look back if she doesn't sooner and realize she was wrong or if she was wrong.. she's exploring right now

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  • She sounds like she just wants to move on and go with other guys.

    U probably weren't the one with the issue..she just wanted to have fun.

    I say do the same don't be clingy and wonder when this is ganna happen because reality is it might not ever happen agian.

    Now you gave her and did everything you could for her,in time she'll realize that you were the best person going for her.

    You should stop textin her and stuff it's making you look needy and she's getting a big head about it apperantly becuse ur like a lost puppy without her.

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What Guys Said 5

  • You know what she simply took you for granted, and in life you don't do that and get away with it. You did everything a great guy like you would do for a girl like her, but she simply took you for granted and at the end pretty much threw you away. In life people learn, and people learn the hard way, so it seems like she's going to have to learn the hard way when the same thing happens to her. You did nothing wrong, the guilt lies within her, she might not know it now, but later on along the road when she gets hurt, she will remember the great guy that you were, and how she simply just dumped you for another fool. What goes around does comeback around...but you will become better then who you are now, and that's when she would realize she never should of thrown you away for another cool dude. In the end, he might replace you for another guy, but he will never replace you with the way you treated her, and that's not an opinion but a powerful fact that she would unfortunately learn the hard way. Take care and stay positive man, your better then that, and good luck with everything man, God bless you.

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    • That made me feel so much better. Thanks for putting that perspective in there and you're right! I hope one day she does realise what she has truly lost. Have you been there too? Things are starting to get better on my end, she's out of sight and mind, she gets in touch every now and then, bit it isn't much.

    • Thanks man its all good..........................remember you did nothing wrong, let the man upstairs take care of it for now. Its not up to you no more, its up to him. One day justice would be serve, and by that time you will be better then you already are.

  • You need to start dating other women ASAP. The main reason why she left you is because you were good to her and treated her good. This experience should give you the hint on how to treat women for now on... Don't talk to her, don't see her, and DON'T BE FRIENDS with her. You tried to be friends with her because you thought there was hope on getting her back. Friendship is never the way to get someone back, it's the way to lose them for good. Think about this... Would you have sex with any of your friends? The answer is no, or a hell no. As a "friend" to her, you have become an emotional tampon, a councelor, the shoulder to cry on. You should never be friends to any woman if you are to be sexually attracted to women. She knew this, she played you, you were the nice guy that she predicted you would be, now she is getting what she wants, and she is laughing her ass off. In order to get the girls you have to do what this other guy is doing. She has already cut you out of her life (until she needs you), but WHEN she comes back don't talk to her. Move on, and remember that the more you treat women with respect, the less likely that a woman will stay with you...

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    • I couldn't agree with you more! And I'm soo 100% on that wagon now. And glad for it. Don't you think thts a bit sad though. About what you said about, ' the more you treat woman with respect, the less likely they stay. did you have a bad expernce too?

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    • If managed so far, but why do I have a an urge to say that I know! I have the idea that she thinks she's hidden this from me. the last time we spoke, was to see if we can meet up before summer and we probally won't see each other again. she said this was becuase its too complicated lol, I can see why, I don't want to get bak with her, and I don't want to see her now I know this. but I feel she shud know? can I get ur opinion mate?

    • Getting into a discussion over it is just a way of you chasing her. It would just let her know that it bothers you and it tells her that you still haven't let go, thus giving her control to a certain degree. Not talking to her at all is the best way to handle it. The more you contact her, the worse you will be.

  • You really need to lay off contacting her. Leave conversations to chance.

    When someone ends a relationship and just wants to be "friends," that's all that they want. If you behave as you did while in the relationship, you're basically not complying with that request.

    It's not an easy thing. So, until you can stop behaving line you are in a relationship, you're likely going to get the cold shoulder and they are going to push you away.

    It sucks, but that's the way it is. Spend some time with your friends. Be glad you're no longer with the girl that cheated on you. Get back to YOU and your life. You'll meet someone again.

    If you do run into her, keep your shoulders up, and be as chipper as possible. Avoid discussing anything relationship-related, just some small talk. Hopefully, in time, she will be comfortable around you and you around her. But, make sure you don't mistake that for her having feelings for you again.

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    • I agree with this comment. Don't try contacting her at all and if you do see her make it short and move on. Don't be bitter just a quick how ya doin,cool I gotta get going because you really do. If you talk to her and it was great and she gave you a good smile and you think she misses you,still do not contact her,do not contact her for any reason even if she says "call me",she can call you,she cheated and broke up with you. Haha again tho don't be bitter

    • I agree, never the less, it is still hard. I suppose its all character building. I don't think I would go back to her even if she did want to.There's tooo much hurt left behind and it wouldn't be the same, I just miss expects of it. I keep beeing told to go out and find other girls to get with. Why is it that I don't yet feel very comfotable with that idea? Kinda just feel in limbo

  • honestly? mate, just be happy for her. cause if you really have this connection with her you will be happy that she is happy. trust me I've been through it.

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  • In my opinion, and this is for the young crowd, here is what happens.

    Guys: "I wonder who I can get with next"

    Girls: "I can't live without him, he's my world"

    Yep.

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