IS he a cheater? Or am I just paranoid, insecure & jeaoulos?

My Intuition gets the best of me, I snooped on his computer "imessges" and I found out a former lover contacted my live in boyfriend of 3 years while we were on vacation. Asking him is he alive and he replied yes surfing in Costa Rica. She stated he should join him for a beer when he gets back home. I said nothing. I got intuition again so I looked at their text thread and was shocked to see that he contacted her this morning saying something like this, " Good morning, I will be coming your way to surf, how bout we meet for a nooner beer after at Hyw 1 brewery?" she replied, Morning!!! I am waiting for a plumber can I text you in a bit? He then replied after he was done surfing,
"Rainscheck : ) " I was furious, so when he got home I asked to chat and I I told him I saw the text in Costa and said nothing but is this something to be concerned with? He stated NO she is just an old friend, she prefers women, and we had a few sexual encounters (menajahtwa's) like 10 years ago. She just wanted to have a beer and catch up. HE got angry with me for accusing him of cheating, I asked him what he considers cheating and he said IF I contacted her to meet that would be cheating. WELL HE DID and he lied to my face. I said so you have no intention of meeting her and he said even if he did it would be platonic. SO I just dont know what to do?

Updates:
Thanks everyone !!! :))

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Most Helpful Guy

  • u break his trust by snooping
    u accuse without proof
    and u act like u found them in bed
    why didn't break up with u yet

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    • I do have proof?

    • Show All
    • i hope he trusts u again

    • me too

What Guys Said 3

  • what this guy did is not good. it's hard to tell from this if you are actually paranoid or just simply don't trust him. id have to know your history with other relationships.
    what is clear is that he did wrong and had the nerve to get angry at you for calling him out.
    you have a few options. you can confront him with what you know and that he was lying. 2. end things because he already proved he doesn't respect you and will go behind your back with women and lie. 3. see if your theory is correct by watching his msgs and either going or asking a friend to go and watch from a far when he meet this woman. this is more drastic but you'll know for sure how platonic it really is.

    is this your husband or bf? if married you have to choose option 1 first.

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    • Live in Boyfriend of 3 years we are now talking marriage? I think 3 looks good just keep looking and If I find him meeting her agian I will go and see for myself

    • OK, just remember: do not marry him if you do not trust him.

      glad I could help by the way. please vote my comment as most helpful also follow me to ask any other questions you may have :)

  • You will never again trust him so you know where this relationship is headed. Cut your losses and move on.

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    • This is what I am afraid of : (

    • You already know the answer but you want to avoid accepting it because here comes one more round of break up, heart ache, loneliness, starting over, etc. . . . but you already know this guy is not right for you.

      Good luck!

    • Thank you

  • You are possibly insecure and jealous and most of all, paranoid.
    1. Why would he cheat?
    2. Why does he have to report everything to you?

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    • I AGREE, He says he has NEVER cheated and I can't pick his friends?

What Girls Said 2

  • That's disrespectful and disgusting. He's talking to an ex behind your back and met up with her. I'd say it's time you reevaluate things.

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    • THanks I am now reevaluting things by getting some help with other people that may have some insight : )

  • Well if he says that they're nothing then why not tell you from the beginning right? He was hiding her obviously so you wouldn't find out. I consider that cheating there's something he's hiding or else he would have just told you of her from the beginning and he also lied to your face. Sounds pretty suspicious to me.

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